#BlogLife102 - Back to my woman cave

Snap, scream, yell part two because I don't know who is the parent and who is the child anymore, demanding attention from me with the loudest voice possible!

I can fully hear you. I heard the entire phone conversation. I just want some peace to stew about being mad at myself for not being more diligent and being without a working phone.

Just don't relay everything back to me because it's obvious, what was said and you can continue having the same topic of discussion with about ten people when it isn't even your business to relay.

The thing is she is used to me being mild and quiet and taking her nonsense but I have already reached my limit and my mood continues to dangerously climb because I am irritated and hormonal and just fed up of waiting for the idiot mail to arrive.

I actually would like to cut my visit short and I may do it but not until after the celebrations and are over and I realise I am being a less than perfect guest..

But again someone shouting dictations at me, will not be tolerated. Yes I am easy going but not while there is no reprieve from the heat and no way to have a quiet space to breathe.

Normally I would go to the randoms but to be frank, that is not appealing. I think I just need to process it internally. I am angry though as it feels like she is deliberately pushing my buttons knowing that I normally don't argue back.

It's a form of taking advantage of me and she does this a lot but not today. I will not accept it. I just need to find something to soothe my nerves and hope that she leaves me be.

I could see she was shocked when I shouted back but take the hint, there was a reason I put my headphones on and haven't said much.

I am not in the mood for company, especially the type that is screaming at me. I am trying to relieve my stress but now I feel guilty for being disrespectful.

I will apologise but not yet. I'm going to visualise opening my front door walking into silence and taking a deep breath knowing I would just plonk down on my bed and hug my pillow.

Then I would turn the speed up on my fan and feel the icy breeze on my face, as It is delightfully powerful. Well since I wrote all this out, things have calmed down.

My charger arrived as you know, well the second one, first has not. Her fan that I bought her 5 years ago just died and she accused me of breaking it.

Told me... How ridiculous to have it on all night. Yea silly me, even though she has a glorious ceiling fan in her room, that she has on all night.....

How dare I  get a weak calming breath of breezy air to help me sleep in this awful humidity. It's a rechargeable fan, no electricity costs, unlike hers.

I think I'm just hormonal, tired and cranky. Monday can't come soon enough. We made up and I replaced the fan, as I do with most things that she requires, without asking.

And I don't mind it. I just find her attitude towards me hyper critical and she is one of the reasons I struggle with self esteem issues for all my life.

Because the others borrow money and disrespect her and they are just perfect in her eyes. They can do no wrong but me, who cares and does a lot of little things and then occasionally messes up.....

I am the one that get's verbally abused. I get shouted at and my faults thrown back in my face and I have reached my limit. It's not acceptable to be singled out and victimised because I am the quiet one who always takes it!!!

I have endured it all my life but not anymore. She won't ever say anything to the others out of fear but me being mild mannered she will take it out on me, which I let her.

Correction which I formally allowed her to do but not anymore. It seems like the first time I stood up to her but probably isn't. I feel great though.

We have of course made amends and I am hoping that from now on, she will think twice before harassing me, just because she could so easily do it, without any consequences, whatsoever!