#BlogLife1036 - Things you wish weren't said or assumed about your health conditions (seen or invisible)

1. For some of us, we can't just pop a painkiller and have the pain, symptoms or discomfort magically washed away, those don't work for me.

That's why I personally choose natural remedies, like heat and rest and binaural beats.

2. Why don't you take my word for it, that I can't manage that action because it aggravates my body or mind and leaves me broken in pieces for a long time..

You make me do something and after that I can barely function, then your response... Oh sorry, I assumed you were exaggerating because you don't look sick to me..

3. Oh just smile and carry on, there's nothing you can do about it, so might as well be happy..

Nope sometimes I want to wallow and be miserable that is all too much, accept my mood, yours can be whatever you want!

4. Why don't you join us?

Because it's a long taxing journey or activity and I cannot manage it. I'm not being difficult or dramatic. I have to think carefully if there are places to sit and rest, how long it takes, will I be standing or walking for a long time, you may not have consider these things but I do!

5. Stop judging a book by it's cover

Yes I may look younger, I may look healthy, I may walk un-aided, that still doesn't mean you get to judge or assume I am not struggling inside or desperately grabbing onto walls or trying to give myself the mental fortitude to take another step instead of collapsing or resting because this time I don't think I can make it home..

6. Illnesses vary from one person to the next, yours could be textbook, mine are not. Just because something works for you, doesn't mean it will for me.

Stop assuming you know my body, my health better than I do. You've read something? Good for you, I know what works and what doesn't!

7. When I say, I can't manage much. It's extremely taxing to go to more than one place/do more than one activity, let alone several.. Don't scoff and laugh, like I'm being a Princess. I physically cannot manage it, it's not an exaggeration.

8. Stop being lazy!

This one makes me scream. Taking care of myself, limiting my movements, napping or getting a lot of rest, helps my body repair itself. I'm not doing nothing, I'm preventing a potential strain or injury that has become all too frequent for me.

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Well the above is something that came to me so I thought I would just add it to 7 Cups, for others that could be feeling the same, maybe a bit ranty, that is my style, but it felt good to say it.

Well I'm glad the UC stuff is done for the week, the next appointment is Monday and it always makes me roll my eyes when they recommend a service which is the crappiest thing ever..

Dodos! Do some research and make sure it helps people first numbnuts!

At least I feel a lil better, my eyes were closing from about 8pmish but I stayed up until 11/12 and had a really good sleep.

I feel a bit refreshed, the cramps are not as painful and at least I have some energy. 

Plus the twins aren't hurting, I hate how pmt makes your chest hurt, there is enough discomfort with the bloating.

I'm also not screaming/cursing every time I get up. I don't know why there was much back and leg pain but yeesh that was a horrible day.

Plus it's much colder today so I can have the blankie on high which helps me, I have no idea where I put the fan charger, eek.

I don't think it's the fast charger so I can't use my phone one. I just finished the last of the pakoras, that garlic and onion dip complimented it really well.

The Kebabish recipe is very hit and miss, sometimes bitter, sometimes underseasoned, sometimes peppery, sometimes mild ha.

But it's a nice veggie meal which is simple, no meat, no preparations, the hands get a rest.

I don't really warm them, just have it from the fridge, chilled.

I'm just waiting for the Looney Tunes event to start and doing an Iceland order for tomorrow.

#BlogLife1035 - Be your own best friend

You might have people in your corner, you might not. Perhaps you can't be yourself or fully share how you feel..

I felt mostly abnormal because I didn't fit anywhere and trying to explain that to people, who have no concept of being alienated is just taxing because they've never experienced it.

Make more of an effort is the typical response..... What if you try that and still don't get anything from anyone?

So what I've learned is to be my own bestie and entertain myself with stories, writing, movies, music, volunteering, shopping, pampering.. 

Oh and course gaming, can't forget that lil fun stress buster :) 

I've learned to have fun solo and enjoy my own wacky company and I wish more people would do that instead of latching on to the wrong people or relying on them so much, it's their entire world..

Not nice to suffocate people. Don't do that please. Be whoever you are, popular or unpopular and accept it for what it is.

I was just thinking, the upside to watching an unsatisfying show or movie, is that it spurs me on to write my own.

Not that I'm immensely talented but at least it's simpler and brings me happiness with a somewhat proper ending, depending if I feel accomplished that day..

I'm currently watching Benson, the spin off from Soap, the original sassy employee, ha, silly, but fun.

What always continues to surprise me about binaural beats healing sounds is that, the repair is not always straight away.

Yesterday or maybe the whole weekend, my hands were really tender and painful, I didn't do much except typing and carrying the shopping.

I had binaural beats playing in the background for hours and the discomfort was still there, but I woke up today and they felt so much better.

Typing is still a bit painful, but nowhere near as bad as it was before.

It's probably strange and unlikely to some but sometimes quirky ways help naturally to make you feel better :)

I still feel wrecked today. I slept a bit, but struggled again, I just couldn't get comfy.

My legs and back are hurting a bit. I've got the blankie on but it's going off and on, which isn't helping the pain.

I've got cramps too, the same as yesterday, they stopped briefly and resumed ugh.

And now it's so warm I had to take out the fan, I should switch off the blankie, but I'm so sore...

The drinks are getting warm too fast.. Let's have a nice big rainstorm for the rest of the week please, thanks :)

#BlogLife1034 - 5 months later MyCarbon Face Brush needs it's second charge..

Hmm the Sainsbury's cupcakes.. I guess they are not too sweet, the icing has a nice flavour and enough of a top coating but the sponge itself tastes a lil dry, it's ok, probably would not get it again.

The freebie chocolate wafer thingy, that I got from the international store, still makes me laugh, nowhere did it say, complimentary purchase.

Anyhow, a nice unpaid for addition. It looks like a cake but it's more like a dryish biscuit..

To be honest wafers aren't my favourite thing. Mama used to buy a ton of them, maybe because she liked them.

I only like them in Ferreros and that's it. It's like dark chocolate and maybe a hint of orange, I'm not really sure.

Actually I might give it to her, she might like it better. Again it's not overly sweet or bitter but not to my liking, I would have preferred a cakey thing..

I've only been sampling the desserts. It's not the order I wanted to go in but I wanted to write mini reviews and maybe snap a picture, been ages since I did that..

I just wanted to mention, since I bought the MyCarbon face brush, charged it for the first time and have been using it mostly daily..

The battery has lasted 5 months. I think that's insane considering how much I use it, twice a day now..

The battery didn't even stop but it's become slow so I might as well charge it up. I think this time it took 2 hours..

They did say it was a long life but manufacturers say a lot of things that aren't true..

The last brush, hmm, I can't remember if I was charging it, maybe once a month?

But it was definitely more often that this one, that smaller one, handled the angle or bumps of the nose better, this one is too awkward.

Last time it took about an hour to get fully restored. It's not a brush for sensitive skin as it's a bit rough but overall I like it.

Would have been better if it was softer bristles but the power and speed are really good, it thoroughly spins and gives you a deep clean.

Ugh the earbuds are delayed, the tracking shows they haven't even been posted.

I forgot actually I have some Amazon credit, I'm trying to refresh the page and get a free prime trial so it doesn't cost just under a fiver for postage but they are being mean today ha.

They are not letting me have it, if I get it, the earbuds will only cost a fiver but if I don't I pay £10 and I don't want to do that.

It says same day delivery but when I checkout, it says tomorrow.

I've seen 2x and whichever arrives the fastest wins.. I keep refreshing the page and clicking off which is my usual trick but it's not helping grr..

Now it's changed, if I want it today between 5pm-10pm, it costs £6 and that's not even prime.. Ugh..

I'm trying to save money, not spend it. Well the best I can do is pay £7 and get it today and a further £4.50 for prime but after it arrives, I'll cancel prime and see if I get a refund.. For the postage because it was an extra £2....

The whole point of prime is that it's free delivery, you schmucks!!

Oh and it's not in my usual discreet black, but bright silver, yeesh lol.

To get the other colours was an extra £2. This one is primarily for indoors, overnight usage anyway..

Supposedly 15 hours on a single charge, well it slowly diminishes over time..

The name is Ltinist Bx29. Just before 6pm it was despatched and now 7pmish it's showing a map but not how many people are ahead of me..

And then Mama called to finalise for Tuesday, she said she has an Cex accessory voucher she doesn't need, so I can get another spare set of earbuds lol.

(What a weird name for a website)...

Oh now it says 9 stops away, sometimes they pop up early :) I was hoping for daylight 5pmish but now it's all dark..

Ah just after 8pmish it got here, not 10pm, thank heavens. Hmm that's scary.

The earbuds are 50% charged and that's fine, the case said 100% but every second it's dropping while charging the earbuds, that's not normal..

I'm going to have to charge it up and keep an eye on it, ugh, the cases are so damn breakable, brand new and it's acting like this..

Well I'll keep an eye out and then write my review.. The case battery stopped dropping at 37%, ah nope, still depleting..

About 40 minutes later, the case is at 21% and the earbuds are at 80% hmm...

It's laughable 75 hours, so 5x times you're supposed to be able to use the case, the battery allegedly lasting 15 hours, what a joke...

It can barely handle 1x single charge before falling to pieces. About 2hrsish to charge the case, fast charge? I think not..

Put on the earbuds 12.15am, they lasted.. 10 hours, not 15 but I will take that :)

They are small, comfy and snug so I doubt they will fall out. The sound is pretty loud, that surprised me a lot.

I had to turn the volume down, lower than I normally have it, that's a nice feature.

The next day the case is still depleting with the earbuds charging inside them, but not as fast.

An hour later and 80%. I still don't know if it's faulty or not. I did notice when it turned itself off and the case was empty, it did remain at a 100% so that's something..

It remained at 80% until it fully charged the earbuds and switched off.. Well the second charge, bought it down to 42%.

I'm guessing it can only handle 3x earbud charges then, not 5 as advertised..

Almost forgot to cancel Prime, but just remembered woop. Will any of that £4.50 be returned?

Ahh well, the seller got back to me and said, it's probably lost in the post so I can get a refund.

And I got the refund just now and checked the post but nothing so it probably has disappeared..

I just got back from meeting Mama, she's as shattered as I am, we both had a terrible night's sleep.

She totally treated me as she could afford it and I was grateful, the pedicure was quick but it was a nice single massage and the chair massage was putting me to sleep.

She bought me lunch and although I didn't have an appetite, I managed to eat and drink a full meal, miraculous for me, normally after a few bites, I cannot eat anymore.

They had this fresh orange juice with a slice and it was just slightly sweet and so refreshing that helped my tum and I felt better after that. (Just over a fiver ouch but worth it).

Then I had this oniony, fried egg, burger which was small but tasty, simple. She had a chai latte and a halloumi sandwich..

My stomach looks and feels so bloated. I just tried on the red top, cute but so so tight, I can't wear any layers, it does fit me, but I don't like wearing tight outfits, prefer a bit looser...

I look so top heavy in it, if you're busty, there's very lil you can do to disguise it, especially in summer, you'll boil alive.

I am not looking to draw attention but yes I do want to wear pretty clothes.

Maybe when I'm not as bloated or get a bit slimmer.. I am so sleepy but I got the UC crap to do and to finish this off.

Plus she got me indian desserts, pakoras an Easter egg, twirl, ha, and a chicken sandwich.

I don't need to buy food today, I'm not sure I'll eat much later, I feel so full at the moment, just thirsty and the kitchen is so far ha..

Oh yea the testing is concluded, the earbuds can only be charged twice, bit pathetic.

#BlogLife1033 - I'm happy I feel cold today..

For what seems like forever but is just a few days, the temperature dropped.

I don't know if it drizzled but as I was up and didn't sleep well. I had the heating on for maybe an hour or so, quickly took it off and usually that would be it, the place is warm enough..

Today though it's really cold. I've been huddled under the warm blankie and it's been glorious.

I love winter, the rain, the storms, everything so now it's getting brighter, sunnier for longer, I just feel lost without my blankie.

It's so easy to get comfy and I could have almost drifted off peacefully because everything was done early.

A load of things were out of stock from the Iceland order and they forgot to give me the hobnob biscuits so I have to maybe hit Tesco and load up on snacks for the week.

I guess it depends on how I feel physically. If not I guess I could do an order and stock up that way.

Pmt is so weird I feel like I gain 1-2 stones. I just feel my stomach has gotten so big, yuckity.

I know it's not my eating habits, I haven't gained weight, clothes are still swimming on me.

Even my face might be a lil slimmer, who knows, I just feel so frumpy ugh.

Oh the last of the parcels came, the 2x face washes, BioAqua raw rice cleansers.

Interesting, I haven't finished the old one yet. I'm still drying out but it's limited to my forehead and sides, nothing seems to be helping that.

Not the creams or the face brush, hmm.. I've recently opened my last body butter in the white tub, yuckity, it will not get rid of the waxy smell.

Goodish product, really horrid non fragrance. Why are the brown tubs and the white ones of the same brand so vastly different??

Sort yourselves out American Dream, if it was the first time I tried the brand and that was my impression, ick.

I would not buy it again. I'm sure most people like beautifully smelling pampering products.

Ah there's a new Passionflix movie out Royally Screwed, I'm wondering if the dialogue is good or cringy.. Hmm

I'm trying a new branch of Sainsbury's because I got another discount code, it's only £7 and the total after that came to just over £14 so not bad..

The time is going from 20 minutes to 11 minutes so we'll see. Oh I thought I was having a bad hair day, I felt like Frankenstein but now it doesn't seem that messy.

I popped into my favourite store and for whatever reason she just gave me a freebie, which surprised me so much I had a coughing fit lol.

I'll put it on Twitter. I'm not drained, my body is just sore, legs, back, hands, so I feel ok.

The buses are running weird it stopped just outside the station but when I went to go home, it picked us up in the station, so odd was is the point of not going in?

I was so happy I didn't have to walk part way home, I quietly shrieked Yes!!

Anyway, from my store I got some pistachios, cashews and crisps and that freebie..

From Sainsbury's, that lovely greek wrap and chicken katsu sushi, I got two sets of meal deals because it's way cheaper.

I think the deal is £1 more and with a snack and drink thrown in too, much better value.

I'm still surprised Just Eat isn't going berserk with the times, it's not saying wait an hour, 2 hours lol.

Plus it's just gone 1pmish, this is the busy season, anyway, I might get it before 2pm, very nice.

I just got Ribena for the drinks, they didn't have fruit juice and some cupcakes and twix and fruit ha, good mix of healthy and unhealthy, I think :)

I'm still waiting for my earbuds, they are so slow, they are not even with the courier yet, boo.

I sellotaped the other pair but it didn't take. Hmm, I checked my postbox, just in case they are not updating the tracker..

The charging case is not working properly, it's supposed to be 100% overnight and it was 70% which is really annoying.

I only have 1 pairish, that has a half decent life, maybe 6 hours now..

Hmm with this branch the bag fee is 20p and the delivery fee is a £1 and the service fee is just over £2, I'm sure that's cheaper than the other one..

Wow it's out for delivery.. 25 minutes, that is so much better and it was all in stock.

Did I try the Yo chicken katsu sushi dragon rolls already? I know I tried a supposedly spicy one.. This one didn't seem as seasoned..

Anyway, I'm going to pack everything away, I'm glad I got lots of snacks now, sometimes I'm not hungry for a lot of food, so at least with snacks, I can satisfy my appetite.

It's been 4x days and no updates, I don't know if the earbuds have been posted or are lost, the original one I bought, so I chased up the seller because that's annoying.

I want to throw out two of the earbuds because they are faulty but I can't until the spare arrives.

If it comes to it, should I get a refund or not? I feel like there was something else to say, but I can't think of it..

#BlogLife1032 - Feeling, feeling, feeling..

It makes no sense, one day I feel normal and the next morning, waves of nausea hits me and I'm wondering if the food will stay down, if I'm going to vomit..?

Luckily yesterday and today I raced and put the anti nausea video/mp3 on and after a while of doing nothing, trying to keep calm, slowly breathing, the feeling passed.

It's funny how cutting people out of your life, unburdens you. Not that they are horrid but acquaintanceship is a two way thing, shouldn't both people get something out of it, not just one?

Well the top came that's good, the face washes will be redelivered this week I guess.

My earbuds broke, I think they were a few years old. It's funny the ear hook snapped but stayed around my ear, woke up and I was searching for the other half when it was behind my ear, crazy.

I saw an unbranded BX29, supposedly upto 15 hours playback, oops might have bought the wrong one.

Two seemed really similar, think I bought the BX17. Oh well, with stereo hd mic...

Hmm they all make big claims and usually fail to deliver. As long as it has a long battery life and people can hear me on the microphone, that's good.

It was just under £10 which isn't bad. It's usually mainly the Mpow brand which had a long battery life, however I'm not sure about the longevity, I think they break quickly..

Plus they were a whopping £10 more and there was no way I was paying that much.

I'm trying to be sensible and not put my wellbeing at risk, earbuds are essential but it doesn't mean I have to spend a fortune.

Today was such a pain with my vision, I had that gluey feeling, the lens were steamed up, it was hard to read and focus..

Eyedrops didn't help, I finally had to take out my lens drench them in drops and reinsert them, now I can see.

Goodness I am sore, bending to bag the groceries, cleaning, checking the post (no nasty surprises)..

And emptying the bins, oof the pain is spreading. At least I can use the heated blankie for a bit.

I wish this dryness would leave my eyes, I am using Blink eyedrops and it is doing nothing yeesh, so I keep rubbing them and making them sore, I can't help it.

Oh I worked out why The Buccaneers series was so confusing, turns out I didn't watch all of season 1, missed maybe 4 episodes..

I saw the build up of controlling manipulative behaviour from Ginny's hubby.

The nice, not nice, provoking arguments to avoid accepting blame for any wrongdoing, sickening.

Then alienating her from her family and friends by causing rifts so she has no choice but to rely on him, please him and all that nonsense.

Plus I understood the love triangle better between Nan, Guy and the Duke (what's his name)?

Originally she liked the Duke but she connected with Guy because they both shared vulnerabilities, he was grieving, she discovered a family secret..

She should have been upfront, the truth is before I marry you, I have a secret, the other truth is, I'm not sure about my feelings..

Ginny you wanted to shake and say wise up, stop being so desperate for love, attention and marriage that you can't see the disrespect for what it is.

Think before you act, because your destruction affects other people.

And I finally got the answer, though disturbing that it turned out to be, was Conchita's hubby Dick, having a fling with his nanny or was it a maternal connection?

I feel like the sickening answer, was a mixture, like she preyed upon a vulnerable child, who didn't have a lot of love and affection.

A teenager, barely a man is what? 16yrs or 18yrs? And she was probably double that, why on earth he kept her on as a nanny is beyond me..

These period dramas are so twisted lol.

#BlogLife1031 - Goodbye.. To you and you and you :)

It's time, Ogl has left Looney Toons and that's sad, we begun to have some laughs about the game.

Then I texted P to say we should part company, nothing personal and that I will block his number tonight.

I sacrifice my needs in acquaintanceships, pretend it's ok, but it's not, it never is.

I don't know if he'll respond, I don't care. He had to have seen this coming, last year I think I warned him that at some point I might step away and he said, Let him know first, so I did.

L stopped talking as well, at least she has an excuse, lots of stuff going on with her.

I don't blame her but I want someone I can talk too, even if it's superficial, at times.

I can't be myself. I can never just let go and trust someone will be there at the other end because they never are.

It's only here that I can reveal stuff but even then, I don't always want to share, however I do have the option still..

P responded with take care, thanks for letting him know. Now I can block in peace.

Time to stop faffing about and continue with the stories, if they turn out crap, so be it..

At least I'll enjoy re-reading them, some have reverted back to drafts, unfinished shouldn't be published.

I did actually add more to the Christmas story. I have a strong feeling I'm going to change directions with it.

I am determined that this December it will be ready to be seen. No more putting it off.

I have a feeling the Wattpad stories are slowly generating more interest also, which makes me feel guilty for neglecting them too.

Well confusing times because Mama said she already got the fudge and she likes it.

(I bought a cheaper version, Oh yea it was by Amazon ha, strange but ok).

Also the lip balms, which are not out for delivery, hmm, something came today, no idea..

Face washes, top and nightie left to turn up. I've found a new way to stop overcooking the rolls.

I used to leave them in the press to stay warm but by the time the chicken and burgers are cooked, it turns too hard.

Now I've lightly browned them and switched off the press and laid them wrapped up on top of it, so maybe it will stay warm but it won't get too hard, perfect.

For some reason I fancied the coleslaw before I bought it and now I have it, it doesn't appeal.

I'm still eating it but for low calorie, it seems very creamy.. I'm running out of snacks.

I could either do a shop on Thursday morning because Friday is the UC appointment or Saturday morning..

It will probably be Thursday, so I can stock up. I've no idea what to buy..

The new series of The Buccaneers started, I have no idea when and I don't even remember the original plot, who is who, so it's a bit confusing, I'll have to rewatch season 1.

I read and speak to so many people about loneliness and I'm glad I don't feel that way.

Yea sometimes I want a chitchat but aside from that, I'm okay as I am in my own lil castle.

I just cut my hair, so it's supposedly even now. I don't know if I should buy a skirt, it's getting warmer, I still feel too on display..

Dresses look funny because my waist goes in, tummy sticks out. I feel kinda lumpy, despite being a lil trimmer.

At least a long top covers me up. I always wear long sleeves, I never show my arms or legs anymore.

I'm a mind, I'm a personality, I'm not just a body, I would appreciate being seen that way.

#BlogLife1030 - Why is solitude such a bad thing?

I just read a well meaning post about You're never alone.. As in someone is always there to support you..

But what if there's noone? What if you grew up realising, the only person you can count on is yourself?

What's so bad about that? I can communicate with others if need be, I just don't happen to share that much.

Personally I like my own space, a safe place to breathe and be myself.

Some people have large groups of friends, some have a couple and others have none.

I accept it, people, acquaintances come and go. I enjoy my own company.

I still don't know what to do about P, the acquaintanceship went backwards.

I don't really know why he's hanging on or I am? He has lots of friends it seems, quite sociable, so what does he need me for?

To fill in the gaps or is it obligation? Maybe he's waiting for me to cut him loose?

With friends or acquaintances, you're supposed to be able to tell the truth without them getting extreme and put out, he couldn't handle that.

All I said was it annoys me that you use me to flirt on the phone calls, you can never have a normal conversation.

And I thought he would take them onboard and call just to chitchat, but all the calls stopped completely.

I guess as soon as my phone charges. I'll end it I never get what I need from the randoms.

I deserve better.

There was a couple forum posts that bothered me on the volunteering site so I added my opinions.

I am using it more but still not doing any 1 to 1s. Too many trolls and weirdos that are doing my head in.

I need to make a beauty shopping list. I need lip balms, moisturiser, face wash.

I just ordered the face washes and lip balms so maybe at the end of the month when I get them I can do a beauty review.

I'm gonna need eye drops and protein tablets soon. I'm not sure if I've run out of saline yet..

Well I've finally did what I craved. I started an open story on 7 Cups and anyone can join in.

Only one acquaintance has so far. I probably should have picked something less limited..

We'll see how it goes.. Ok got some things for Mama's Day, she said she wanted a nightie, saw a cute pinky purply one.

I got some fudge for her too and bought myself a red top.

I don't know where to put this Gilmore Girls stuff, so I'll add it here.

Lane/Rory had a lot of potential and then settled for mediocre partners. It bothers me that they never discussed the possibility of an abortion.

She's so young and freshly married. I know when a couple finally gets together, it gets boring so they throw in conflict.

Ok a long lost daughter but why Luke kept her purposely away from Lorelai and Rory was weird, he alienated and tanked his own relationship, instead of them all bonding together..

I've never liked Lorelai so the fact she sabotaged things and slept with her ex, is textbook idiocy.

Like she needs attention or a man in her life, to say pay attention to me I'm an overgrown immature child.. Pfft..

You know what else is odd? Rory and Logan is it? Were living together and that surprisingly was mostly smooth.

He moves overseas, fine, they are separated, when he returns, why don't they resume cohabitating?

Also she makes it a point to call him entitled, but she has no issues using her connections when it benefits her, hypocrite.

And sleeping with an engaged guy and then ending up pregnant?

The whole wrap up was weird, we like each other, we're having an affair but we're not reconciling..

The story I started on 7 Cups was a bust, nobody joined in except an acquaintance and we got so silly, it just petered out.

I don't know if I'll finish it. I am so bad at finishing stories. Apart from the blog, I feel a bit empty at the moment..

#BlogLife1029 - Chatty Chicks Watching Flicks 23 - Bridgerton S4 second half

I completely forgot about this returning, probably because it underwhelmed me, let's see how it unfolds..

I've almost forgotten everything but I'm not tempted to rewatch it.. 

Good grief Benedict, passing a note is hardly discreet. You couldn't find a way to talk to her alone..

I got to read my notes from the last one.. Suddenly her step mama is gone and there's a new Lady Penwood..

What about her inheritance? I don't even remember if she has one..

How is she going to be legitimised? Maybe her Mama and the Lord married in secret?

I'm not surprised she wants to leave the Bridgerton employment, she cares for Benedict and he sees her as what?

A plaything? Pfft! 

I just realised why are all the Ladies in waiting wearing grey wigs and not just their natural hair?

What do they even do? Just companionship for the Queen?

Lady Danbury is still determined to leave and have Alice be the complete replacement.

Noone could replace Lady Danbury, she's too good.

I wonder what Violet Bridgerton's reaction will be when she finds out about Benedict and Sophie and him being the reason, she wants to leave.

Aha so that's gonna be how Sophie gets blackmailed by Lady Penwood aka her step mama.

Even though her own daughter gave Sophie the shoe buckle thingy to sell for food or lodgings..

She's gonna say Sophie stole her and that her daughter is the masked stranger at the ball, Benedict fell for..

I mean I am just guessing, we shall see.. Why would Sophie go back to her step mama?

Ok maybe I got that wrong too, maybe her step sister gave her something else to sell to survive, it's very confusing because she admitted she stole it because she never received any wages, which is fair enough.

Unless she just used that as an excuse to end her job with the Bridgertons..

Ha Violet is seriously laying down the law with Eloise, accompany her sister on the tedious lessons or get to finding a suitor and neither appeals to Eloise.

Hmm that was some ruse to get Eloise and Francesca out the way so Benedict could speak to Sophie alone and get her answer..

I think Benedict lacks the charm and confidence, unlike Anthony and Colin.

Instead of coming across like he's smitten, it's more like raging hormones, like she's not special..

I wonder if Francesca's hubby knows his cousin is gay or bi, he seemed against matching her up with a suitor.

I know he definitely doesn't know about the flirtation or attraction or fling between them..

Hmm so Sophie finally saw Benedict's sketches of her as the mystery woman at the ball..

At least Sophie spoke her mind and it's true, he's chasing her, attempting to kiss her because she's a lowly maid.

With someone respectable, someone that was from a prominent family, he wouldn't come on that strongly.

He'd wine and dine her and get to know her, as a woman, as a future partner, not just someone to fool around with.

A more emotional connection. I would want to escape temptation too but not by running back to a slave driver.

Hmm I wonder if Violet suspects that Sophie and Benedict like each other?

Maybe they weren't as discreet as they thought.. Oh cripes Varley blabbed to save her job with the Penwoods and told that horrible woman, where Sophie is working.

She doesn't miss her step daughter, she misses bossing her about and her efficiency.

Hmm I knew the Queen wouldn't let Lady Whistledown aka Penelope retire, she enjoys gossip too much.

But it's no fun because Penelope hates it now.

Well that confirms it, the cousin Michaela and Francesca didn't have an affair, just an attraction they avoided.

I'm sure Francesca's ball confirmed it, Benedict keeps checking out Sophie and finding excuses to be near her.

And Violet saw it all her. I laughed out loud at Eloise face getting all the male attention and her being surprised and hating it.

While Francesca surprisingly got none. Oh crap, Alice the Queens spy overheard Benedict and Sophie talking about kissing.

I wonder if she's gonna blab or keep it to herself? Well at least Benedict finally confessed how he felt about Sophie.

I don't blame her for being sceptical, she has a lot to lose and he has nothing.

She said it back...... She loves him too. When on earth is he going to find out, she's the mystery woman?

On to Episode 2..

Oof is Sophie pregnant already and Violet knows, she knows her identity..

Well at least Violet was kinder and heard her out, but she is relieved that she's leaving too, tricky situation..

At least Kate and Anthony are back, however brief and Anthony is trying to reason with Benedict to break it off.

That made me laugh so much, Cressida is the new Lady Penwood.

At least she apologised to Pen, I hope she's genuine.

I got to give Benedict props for saying he cared about men as well as women in his past. That is gutsy.

I just thought of something, at one point Anthony was gonna elope with the Opera singer.. (Sierra was it)?

Benedict never thought about that with Sophie.. Just shacking up together.

I'm kinda surprised that Pen didn't offer to gossip in private with the Queen, reputations would be spare and she would get her fix.

I guess Cressida's thing is always going to be to be dressed unfashionably because she's the so-called villainess?

I guess what's frustrating about the series, you don't really see what married life is like for the couples.

I mean bits here and there but nothing really deep.

I have a strong feeling they are hinting about a replacement Whistledown, male or female..

Ugh Sophie was gonna run off with Benedict to the cottage but after hearing Anthony saying they would be shunned, her, their kids..

She's gonna leave and probably run into her step mama..

Considering Anthony was gonna disappear, I didn't think he'd threaten to disown Benedict and cut him off financially.

Oof the Queen accepted Pen's resignation and told her to stop by with gossip occasionally..

That is bittersweet, she finally let Lady Danbury free to travel. Please don't leave indefinitely, it wouldn't be the same..

Finally it's about time Violet and Marcus got serious and married, they didn't seem that committed..

Oh I get it now, so Sophie would work for Cressida, not her step mama..

I wonder if she's lying about not being pregnant, seems like she is..

I get why she's dumping Benedict, she wants to protect him from being estranged with his close family.

But if he's serious about her, now is the time to reassure her and say, my family will learn to accept us, at least in private..

I feel like he doesn't really fight for her, spineless. This is my issue with him.

I thought Francesca and Michaela would just have an affair..

But nope they killed off John to make way for them I guess. A shame.

Although he wasn't my favourite character..

Episode 3 (4.7)

It's weird, no Kate or Anthony, no Daphne or Simon for the funeral, very odd to me, seeing as they all are so close..

And Francesca is so internal, it's going to be hard enough for her to let her emotions out.

Oof Hyacinth is so sweet, I know she's trying comfort Francesca but when you're trying to be strong and not break in front of people, it's the last you want.

Damn Sophie is so intuitive, leading Francesca away so she can have a moment to compose herself.

Well that goodbye was clinical between Benedict and Sophie. I wonder if Cressida will make a good employer?

If it gets to that point.. I feel like shaking Benedict and saying get over yourself, man up.....

Alright why do I think Sophie's necklace with wind up with her step mama?

But how would she have gotten a hold of it. Unless Benedict took it as a keepsake?

She's the last one I thought would be pregnant. Dang that's cruel, Francesca is finally becoming a Mama, she always wanted that but now the hubby is gone.

Ugh I knew they were going to postpone the wedding, Violet and Marcus..

Oh crap what now, Cressida fired Sophie, not a good start. Ahh so that's what it will come down too.

Possible new job but overseas...Good gravy insisting Francesca is examined to confirm she's pregnant, while she's grieving, all so that she won't be evicted, yuckity..

Oh goodness, I wonder if she's miscarried. Or maybe she was never pregnant?

Did she even want kids? John wanted this, he wanted that. What did you want?

Sad, she lost the baby. I guess this series was concentrating on Benedict and Francesca, sorry my least favourite siblings.

Interesting Violet is encouraging Benedict to propose but clarifying he'd have to stay in the country and not visit them.

They would probably have to see him, she didn't mention cutting him off financially though..

See it should have occurred to him to offer marriage, way before his mama said anything..

He's an immature spoilt child, not a man. Although I admired the way he stood up for Francesca, but he had reached boiling point anyway..

Like he's content to whine and wallow, he wants his cake and to eat it too.

Doesn't seem like he is willing to sacrifice anything for her, but she was..

You'd think Sophie would be legitimised by marriage. How is this gonna unfold?

I've never understood the pitting sibling against sibling, just means the left out one hates the parent and the sibling..

Why is Varley spying? I am so lost. Is Cressida and Sophie's step mama living in the same house next door to the Bridgerton's?

That's gonna prompt her to leave for good, if her step mama is still gunning for her and willing to press charges for theft.

Is that what bothers me about Benedict, he's looking to others for an ego boost, instead of working on himself and growing, maturing..

Ahh ok, I should have known, Varley was supposed to follow the step sister straight to Sophie's whereabouts, as instructed by the step mama..

So it's all out, Varley grassed, step mama knows Sophie is at the Bridgertons, there is a reason she wants to speak to her and it's not because of the theft...

Ohh so Benedict found the necklace that Sophie never showed him and he's looking at his sketches of the ball.

So that's how he figures out mystery woman and Sophie are the same person.

I guess it's irrelevant, she's leaving.. That's the cliffhanger, step mama ambushed her, so jail it is.

Pfft too lil too late Benedict, should have got your butt in gear sooner.

Last episode, I need refreshments..

There's not going to be much time for them as a real couple then, boo..

Yowser life imprisonment or probably death. I wonder if the step sister will come forward and say it wasn't theft she gave Sophie them as a gift and forgot to mention it?

How is anyone going to find out she's been incarcerated? Mind you, they do love their gossip..

Step mama gloating about it, while someone overhears maybe?

Ooh ok the Queens hosting a ball, it's been a few seconds since the last one..

It can't be another masquerade one, can it? Ha..

What was the point of Cressida's return? Seen for one moment and then gone..

Well at least the good step sister knows of Sophie's plight, you better do something quick..

That was quick, Varley developed a conscience and blabbed to the Bridgerton staff and now the family knows.

Why did the step mama, want her to confess? Further humiliation, she knew her word would be taken as gospel regardless.

Sophie wouldn't be believed she's just the help.. At least Benedict and Violet got there in time, to take custody of her.

What will it take for the step mama's seething hatred to dissipate and release Sophie.....?

Daphne's married to a Duke, doesn't that carry some influence?

I guess really only the Queen can bless the union, or give Sophie a title?

Yes Benedict has a right to be hurt, annoyed Sophie didn't reveal her other identity..

Wait until the other bombshell hits, surprise my step mama is the one out to jail me..

Why is she holding that back... All she would have to do is threaten to reveal that to the world and she would back off..

The scandal, the scandal, someone sedate me, revive me, fetch me bon bons..

Ever the sweetheart, Lady Danbury offered to postpone her trip..

It is hilarious John the footman standing guard to make sure Sophie and Benedict don't mingle, ha.

Ha what are besties for, distracting John and flirting with him, well she likes him anyway, no hardship..

Now I remember, step mama said she wasn't in the will.. And the only way Sophie would survive was to become a servant/slave.

I wonder if it was even illegal not to pay wages? The magistrate didn't seem bothered..

I wonder what the will, will change? She can't inherit a title? Maybe her mama wasn't a servant?

£4k a year her Papa left to her step mama for a roof over head, she saw none of it, yeesh.

Cressida seems calmer and she and Eloise may not be besties but it was a civil enough meeting, while Sophie found the will.

What will the Queen's take be on the Benedict love interest, divided by class..

She doesn't approve, that's no surprise. I thought Alice and her hubby shared everything..

I wonder if she took the will or just glanced at it, in any rate, it proves the step mama stole from her.

I guess Sophie going to the Queen's ball, a direct approach is the only course left, for her to see them in love..

Ahh well an informal ambush between the mama in law and the Bridgertons it is.

Mutual destruction for all parties concerned and noone goes to jail.

It's weird the step mama, has 2 daughters that she acknowledges looking for wealthy suitors but only respects one of them.

It turns out the neglected one makes a match. Why put all your eggs in one basket, if money is all you care about?

It's so obvious Lady Featherington missed Varley, she was knowledgeable and loyal about everything :)

So somehow she's magically legitimate? Ok..

So weird, so Violet has broken off the engagement, because she wants to be free, yet date him. Ugh, no progress.

Serves her right, Marcus dumped her, she's stringing him along too much.

I bet that's not Penelope as Lady Whistledown... And him Francesca's love interest has gone, her hubby's cousin.

Ok a new Whistledown. I'm not sure who it could be..

I was definitely disappointed in Benedict and Violet, bring on the Eloise, that will be exciting.

#BlogLife1028 - Mama's Day next weekend

I just tasted the Muller Corner mixed red fruits substitute, supposedly £2.65 for 4x pots.

I got it on the discount 3x yoghurts for £5 which is pretty good actually, although didn't everything used to be cheaper?

Anyway, it was slightly tart and not chunky pieces, more blended, I wasn't really bothered, you mix the fruit and the yoghurt together and it was really nice actually.

I just added granola as part of my brekkie/lunch mishmash. It was cherries, blackberries, raspberries and I actually did fancy cherry flavoured yoghurt, that and strawberry were my favourite flavours.

I probably would get that again but on a discount, not full price. I'm full, maybe I should have bought more granola as it's finishing..

I just googlied when Mama's Day is and it's next weekend, (15th March), now I've vented on the blog I'm calmer so I can deal with her.

We'll probably go for pedicures and brekkie at the end of the month, as it's been a while.

I'm not sure what to get her, I've put something aside for her, beauty stuff.

I'll ask her if she needs anything. She did mention a phone case for her new iphone but not sure if she's bought that already.

She said she wants to give me some money but even though I need it.. It would come in handy to buy lunch..

I don't want to accept in case she needs it. I might just tell her to give me less and I can continue budgeting.

I do worry about money and expenses but that's my problem, I'm not going to share my concerns.

I don't want to be a user, like the other two. I try my hardest to be independent and figure things out on my own.

I already told her it's not necessary but I doubt she will take no for an answer.

I should get my brows done too but I feel so lethargic. Then I can pop into Asda and get some lunch or maybe finally try out that sushi kiosk.

Asda has the chicken samosas but it's too tiring to walk around and then stand still queueing, trying not to feel dizzy.

It's hard to go places when I feel so achy and drained. I usually just stick by the door, look at the sandwiches and wraps and get that.

I can't even remember if they have a meal deal offer.. Ugh these cramps..

I thought they had stopped, my tum felt less bloated. I assumed all the pmt went away but nope..

I want the binaural beats videos to kick in and the pain to stop.

#BlogLife1027 - Hour later Sainsbury stop holding my food ransom..

Oof this is ridiculous. I was starting to get really hungry, then as soon as the food came, 1 hour later, not peckish.

That steak and caramelised onion and veggy sandwich is quite tasty, mild sweetness, good crunch, nice salad, no tomatoes.

I'm glad I got that, the price.. Eeek £5.50 but very thick. I probably should have looked to see if it was on the meal deal too but I was tired and the page was acting up..

I had half and I'm bloated but I was dying to try the Yo Sushi spicy chicken dragon rolls, really tame, which I like, great seasoning.

7x chunky rolls, lettuce, cucumber, teriyaki chicken, I would get that again too, the other brand was probably a tad nicer but I like them both.

As usual the sauce, yuckity, I tried it for kicks, that's where all the extra calories, sugar and salt is, no thank you.

It tastes like rank cheese sauce, ick. (gochujang mayonnaise it was). The sachet is kabayaki.

I'm going to bin it without trying it, otherwise I might vomit.

The chocolate flapjack bites are alright, too sweet, minimal chocolate but that's ok with me, maybe I should have bought plain..

I better order the real groceries for tomorrow. Wow wow wow. Iceland has finally got some Indian desserts in stock, I hope it's permanent.

Plus pistachio croissants..... What, craziness :) And baklava, these are firsts, never ever seen those.

Plus gulab jamuns. Forget the cakes, that's what I'm getting.

Pricey but interesting.. Hopefully lots of time to try them, one by one, well depends what I fancy..

Oh cripes, I had a feeling I wouldn't like it, that's why I never bought it before.

Reese's peanut butter cups, yuckity!! Sickly sweet, chocolate, sugar and peanut taste.

It's almost like biting into a cake. I don't know if I can face the second one, too too sweet.

I enjoyed the majority of my Sainsbury's haul though and now I know what offers are there incase I feel extra poorly/knackered and don't feel like standing around placing an order in the Market.

Ok just got my groceries and unfortunately the regular driver wasn't there so the other one brought the crates and I had 3 bags with me.

At least he helped me quickly bag them, I was slow and bending down was horribly painful on my back.

Everything was almost in stock aside from the chicken pies and the yoghurt I picked out,

No replacement pies but they did give me an alternate yoghurt but not a deep one so awkward for the granola to be poured in.

I wish they had just doubled on the other one but it means fresh foodie reviews..

My stomach has been cramping hard since yesterday so I don't know if that means I'll have a period or not.

I hate that it's getting warmer and warmer, soon I'll have to dig my fans out and pack away the blankie.

It's just so helpful for the body pains, I'm going to struggle without it.

I miss winter so much :(

#BlogLife1026 - He wasn't there to yell at me..

Song of the day - Faouzia - Porcelain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg95iQIm3NA&list=WL&index=83

I really like this song. I was going to add it last week but I forgot.

As I'm going to be lifeless when I get back tomorrow I'm trying to pick out things for brekkie/lunch from Sainsbury so that I can quickly order and hopefully it will arrive sooner rather than later.

It's a good job I perused because I didn't even realise, the chicken sushi is part of the meal deal woop.

£6.50, mains, snack and drink which isn't too too bad, pricier than Tesco but that's inclusive and what I fancy so that will make it overall cheaper as the sushi alone was just over a fiver I think..

I'll probably add flapjacks, cupcakes, and crisps, maybe cereal bars and a wrap or pasta dish so that the meals for the day are easy.

And then I will budget with the £10 off and hopefully spend under £10 for all that.

I'm tempted to buy pakoras too but I need to use the voucher before it expires and I'm trying to spend minimally..

I got it so wrong. It seemed warmer so I didn't do triple layers. Yeesh big mistake it's freezing.

My stomach is churning, dreading what hoops I have to go through and if he reported me for missing the meeting.

But I feel less agitated because the driver was in a good mood and beamed at me.

I don't usually make eye contact but the oyster card didn't seem like it was processing.

So I looked up and his reaction Yep it went through. Ugh ordered the food and they keep putting the time further away.

I don't think grocery places prioritise Just Eat orders. Anyway I'm not starving, just peckish.

It's funny I had to try about 3 different branches to get the sushi and the third or fourth had it.

No cake but the flapjacks were there, I also got pasta and saw a steak sandwich, I thought I can't get chicken everything..

Oh and I've never ever tried Reese's peanut butter cups, as they were part of the meal deal, why not ha.

Nearly a fiver for service, bag and delivery, £14ish altogether and I used my £10 voucher.

Six items. I love saving money. Oof just before 11am, placed the order, 20 minutes later, not out for delivery..

Here is what happened at the UC appointment. I was on time, waited downstairs and saw the formerly mean guy, who had a lobotomy and is nice now..

He said they've all transferred upstairs and why couldn't I use the stairs but not rudely, just routinely.

(There's supposed to be a note on my account to say I have disabilities and cannot use stairs).

They still bloody ask though, so I apologised as usual for making them come down, it's what's expected..

Grovel to beg for leniency when it's a valid reason. Anyway, I went all graphic because I'm sick of explaining myself, repeating it over and over.

I just said calmly, I have disabilities, bones that never healed and I feel like I tear when I climb......

All true but too much information and he said We weren't aware of your conditions (pffft)...

We'll transfer you downstairs and you'll see someone new.. (Please let them be respectful towards my health)...

Please please please. I don't need the added stress and disbelief and disrespect.

So probably I'll get my order in just under an hour, 30mins has passed.

My tum is talking, grumbling it wants food now, tsk, I'm trying to concentrate.

I'm gonna be so sad if things are out of stock.. Everything arrived, it took about an hour in the end.

I'm not feeling that great, the hand pain is off the charts so I don't want to type but I have too, for this and the UC crap.

I had bad cramps all weekend and it's not great when you're trying to sleep and your stomach is just hurting.

Plus I don't know which binaural beats to listen too... The pmt one? The cramps one or the anti nausea..

Oh and I should put on the hand pain one, which means I can't play music or videos to distract me from it..