#BlogLife197 - The penpal diaries

Dear SS,

How are you doing? What's new? What's happening on the penpal front?

Surely you've had more juicy prospects by now? Huh huh huh?? Spill!

Dear Anon,

You're so nosey! Can't you be a lil patient and I'll divulge everything in my own time?

Dear SS,

Nope. Tell me now. I want to know everything..

Dear Anon,

Ugh can never mind your own beeswax.. Fine I'll tell you. They are still trinkling in, very slowly.

But mediocre is an understatement. The one I replied to reluctantly, didn't even respond.

Yesterday's was more of the same. Loved your ad, blah blah. Would love to get to know you further....

And yet..........Nothing, nada, zilch about themselves. No age or location or hobbies or general summary.

Ugh so another one relegated to spam. I could reply and ask all these questions but I'm not in the mood to be accommodating.

How will they learn to communicate better?

It's as though I came up to you on the street and said.....

"Hey, you look interesting. What is your name? Where do you work? Where do you live? What are your hobbies?"

"My name? My age? Oh is that the time, I have to go, can't stay and chat longer. Call me, text, email and ping me on messenger. Byeeeeee."

Who on earth would get in touch with me, after that???

#AgonyLife6 - Dear SS My new penpal and I don't mesh personality wise, help me woman!!

Wow, calm down, there is no need to make a drama out of this. Sit down quietly with your vimto. You've run out? Okay lucozade then and sip it while I ponder your dilemma.. 

Could it be a simple misunderstanding, maybe a culture clash or maybe a trigger word of sorts?

Is that all you have, all your worldly wisdom and this is what you ask? Hmm. It's none of those things actually mz-thinks-she-knows-it-all.

He is from the UK same as me. Bang goes your theory. What else do you have?

Hmm. Somebody got out of bed on the wrong side today, didn't they?! Do you think you'll keep butting heads or is this a minor skirmish you can navigate around carefully?

Honestly what bothers me the most, is that he was joking along these certain lines and had no problem with it whatsoever. The moment I add something........

All hell broke loose. He was mortified, offended, pouting, shocked and rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb, outraged!!

I just find it hypocritical and not sure I want to spend the rest of my interactions with him carefully choosing my words. Where is the fun in that??

It put me off and I decided to send a polite email apologising and terminating the trial because I am a jokester. I need someone thick skinned that can take it and give it back to me.

His reply made me laugh, he excused me of being sensitive. Hah!! That's funny coming from mr humourless. 

A really vital part of my life is trying to make the most out of my day, while coping with being ill and stressed. I need to laugh at things and poke fun at myself because it's just so depressing otherwise.

I choose to be kookie, upbeat and positive, that's my thing. It works for me and helps my day go without hiccups so anyone that can't handle it.

I just feel relieved if they are out of life.

Ahem. Look, this column is called Dear SS, not fix the issue yourself. What is left for me to do now?

Shish try to help someone and they end up fixing their own mess, I mean why do I bother.

Pfft........Amateurs!!

(Craftily has an aha moment..) ;D Glad I inspired you to work it out for yourself. 

I'm back, wooop :D

#BlogLife156 - Weirdness in the penpal world

It is time for a progress report on the penpal situation. They are still trickling in but a strange thing is occurring. It cannot be a coincidence or can it??

A name keeps appearing in the replies, in the email addresses and conversations. The same name, slightly altered. Is it the same person?

I have rejected them because I never want to hear that name again. Yet I check my inbox and the name appears with a different email attached to it.

Also sometimes it is the first name, other times the surname. That's peculiar right??? Plus he began the email, mid argument lol. Who does that?? :D

Anyway.. I did get one reply that I have been exploring on a trial basis. He seemed to be fine and fit all the boxes. Shared, was communicative and had a sense of humour too.

Initially it was good but the tone has definitely changed dramatically, ever since he brought up swapping photographs and having a video chat, getting together via a messenger.

Ick, not my thing. You know my deal. I prefer them faceless, somewhat anonymous so I can remain the same.

Also is it just me, or does that seem a bit romancey/dately/flirty/intimate? This is a penpal which is platonic.

I'm not looking for an overseas hubby. I'm having flashbacks to my old penpal experiences, read the other penpal posts, if you want to know more :D

His reply was that he respects my wishes and accepts it. His actions and the fact that he went from being really responsive to short, curt replies, tells me different.

Why not just be honest? I don't understand the lies. If you are not okay with something, speak up and say.. 

Hmm that is surprising, I assumed you would be fine with it and you are not. I have to think about whether I want to carry on or not. 

Rolls eyes. I am not holding my breath so the search continues for someone less picky I guess :) He has since not said anything at all.

He could just be busy but my instincts say he has gone to find a more picturesque beauty. Good luck to him. That will not be me.

Plus if he expects me to chase him up............ He will be waiting a very long time!

Floundering

I had an onslaught of panic attacks and this time no tools to help me combat it. I had barely slept the night before, severe cramps having kept me up and in the morning after missing the two alarms that I set. 

There was nonstop nausea. No time for makeup or even a breath. I looked down at my phone and unfortunately it was completely dead.

No secret tool to help me face the outside world. I was ok at first and then I had a multi trigger attack and I just froze. People kept asking me if I was alright and I mumbled yea. I feel like such a freak even after all this time.

It has really been such a rough couple of months. There are less comfortable positions to sleep in and walking is just shuffling forward grimacing at how tense and tender I feel. 

I was hoping to get a break and go away for a bit but it was cancelled. I spent the holidays alone fatigued by pmt, constantly running out of food and distancing myself from loved ones.

I broke off contact with my last penpal. Part of me thought that I would have more time to write and the other part knew I was just empty inside. 

My creativity has abandoned me. It's a new year and I still don't feel whole again. I had a dry December opting not to snack anymore and have stuck religiously to it even now but nothing else has snapped me out of the funk I am in.

I keep reminiscing about my younger days, walking, partying, shopping, just being spontaneous. Now I have to think about whether there is seating, transport close or how close it is to where I live incase I need to rest. 

I miss those days. I miss the girl I used to be. I loathe saying no to invitations because I know that it is an all-day event with no time for a proper break but this is just my life now and has been for over a decade.

Another of my highlights is gone as I've just been told my account is officially blocked/banned from the bingo promotions for life. 

The only thing I can think of is that I had not made a deposit in a while but kept withdrawing and I may have made a few complaints about cheaters. 

There are countless multiple account names listed winning the free bingo so I suggested they look into it but nothing came of it, yet moi, with my one measly honest account gets condemned, pretty laughable really. 

Good job I have another bingo site I use. I have made a delicious profit so I didn't make a fuss, just said fine. Down the road I will look for a suitable replacement.

I think the only bright spark for a while has been my unflailing confidence in myself, someone recently tried to make me feel inadequate and I didn't even feel a little hurt. 

I just calmly told him that he himself must have some deep insecurities to try and make someone else feel bad. 

I finally realised that if I ever did start dating again and fell into old patterns with a nice man on the outside and a vindictive man on the inside, that I could handle myself and not turn myself inside out trying to be a perfect ideal.

It is not moi.. It is you!

I've just had another penpal request come into my inbox that I have a feeling I have received before but this time I replied to it as I was in a generous mood. 

Telling him politely that I was satisfied with the penpals that I had and I wished him well in his search for the same.

I am really content only having females to correspond with and will update my advert if we part company to limit it to not having males. 

They know how to have full conversations and listen. They don't make me feel creeped out or that I am being flirted with. They also write fairly long emails and space them out so that I don't feel pressured to reply every day.

I can also have a difference of opinion from them and not feel like it will turn into a full blown argument which is wonderful because I can learn a different perspective and appreciate the thought that has gone into it.

Even if I still do not necessarily agree with it. None of them have crumbled and lost face with their convictions and just jumped onto my way of thinking. 

Officially I have two penpals but I do write to someone else as we bonded over the struggles of writing. She is very intelligent and sharp. Her words leap out from a page and hit you. 

I really admire her talent and the way her mind works. Plus she is really funny so it's an interesting mix of content in our back and forth exchanges. 

On the whole I think most people prefer snail mail and it is exciting to know a letter is due and I can curl up and read it in my leisure time. 

However the amount of information I cram into my replies would cause me problems so emailing is a gentler less personal solution but it works for me.

There are some nasty people in the world so if you are thinking of getting into this worthwhile hobby. Please take it slowly and let the trust build up first before you share anything too personal. 

I would still recommend it though. Just make your own ad and be honest about what you want and that way I am sure a few decent responses will come out of it.

Penpal update

I thought I was getting to be a bit of a pro on the penpalling front but over the last few months I have managed to lose them all. 

I do take partial responsibility because I suspect when I returned and replied from being away I suspected they were a bit put off by it.

Prior to that my replies were pretty frequent within a couple of days. I would just share whatever was happening in my life, well some of it anyway.

The initial backlash was non existent after I explained that my life is very stressful and to truly relax I need to take a break from everyone and be selfish for a fortnight.

At first they appeared to understand but now it is evident that they clearly do not. 

There was another penpal that found me but although it seemed good on the surface something didn't quite gel. 

At least he had the curtsy of leaving me a nice message with the excuse of being too tied up with work to reply further. 

If that was truly the case though, he would not have sought me out in the first place but closure is always welcome.

A few requests are still trickling in every now and then but most of them are just not appropriate. 

I don't mind giving it a break for now but in the next few months it would be nice to have someone new and refreshing corresponding with me with good conversational skills.

Hopefully not looking to me to fill up their time.

Penpal etiquette

I remember being in school and the teacher saying, now you are going to have a German penpal. Pick one and maintain contact.

Aside from the challenge of the language barrier I thought this was a marvellous way to learn German and get to know another culture.

My love of writing probably began right there, swapping simple letters and discovering that I could be creative and there was much more to me than everyone, including myself assumed. 

A whole new world had just opened up to me. This carried on for a while and then just naturally fizzled. I guess I forgot all about having a penpal until I was older.

I then sought one out via a family connection but it turned into a farce. I don't know how the miscommunication began but he and his family somehow assumed to the bewilderment of me and mine that I was looking for a husband! 

I still don't understand how that happened but my Grandmother was livid when I told her and she sorted it out and explained that I was curious about my background and just wanted to swap correspondence with someone from our culture.

That really put me off for years until I figured I would give it one last shot and hope for the best. I signed up with a few sites and it didn't really cut it.

I then decided to make my own simple advert. I had no idea what to say and wondered if I would be flooded with replies but over a few days some trickled in.

They were mostly unsuitable and I pondered on whether or not to reply to each one and explain to them that they weren't my ideal and so it wouldn't be a suitable exchange..

Recently I got a few genuine replies. I sought the advice of a longstanding penpaller on her opinion and she said she ignores the incompatible ones for fear of a backlash as she had that before.

I felt guilty for ignoring them as I knew what it was like to have an email bypassed but in the end I came to realise that she was right, so that is what I do now.

A few have taken it really personally and been quite nasty and I don't need that when I'm being polite but honest. I was unsure about a few of them and gave a few a chance but the men especially proved inapt.

A fair few use it as some sort of dating site, which befuddled me. It's long distance and not safe or secure. How would that possibly work?

Others use it as a crutch to combat their lonely days and have no real people skills so in the end I had to tell them all that although I was grateful for their time. It was not what I was seeking.

I wanted long easy flowing conversations and to learn about others. I didn't want a few sentences or inconsequential chatter.

I'm happy to report that now I have two bubbly penpals who I have common interests with and it brings a smile to my face to make a genuine connection.