Penpal etiquette

I remember being in school and the teacher saying, now you are going to have a German penpal. Pick one and maintain contact.

Aside from the challenge of the language barrier I thought this was a marvellous way to learn German and get to know another culture.

My love of writing probably began right there, swapping simple letters and discovering that I could be creative and there was much more to me than everyone, including myself assumed. 

A whole new world had just opened up to me. This carried on for a while and then just naturally fizzled. I guess I forgot all about having a penpal until I was older.

I then sought one out via a family connection but it turned into a farce. I don't know how the miscommunication began but he and his family somehow assumed to the bewilderment of me and mine that I was looking for a husband! 

I still don't understand how that happened but my Grandmother was livid when I told her and she sorted it out and explained that I was curious about my background and just wanted to swap correspondence with someone from our culture.

That really put me off for years until I figured I would give it one last shot and hope for the best. I signed up with a few sites and it didn't really cut it.

I then decided to make my own simple advert. I had no idea what to say and wondered if I would be flooded with replies but over a few days some trickled in.

They were mostly unsuitable and I pondered on whether or not to reply to each one and explain to them that they weren't my ideal and so it wouldn't be a suitable exchange..

Recently I got a few genuine replies. I sought the advice of a longstanding penpaller on her opinion and she said she ignores the incompatible ones for fear of a backlash as she had that before.

I felt guilty for ignoring them as I knew what it was like to have an email bypassed but in the end I came to realise that she was right, so that is what I do now.

A few have taken it really personally and been quite nasty and I don't need that when I'm being polite but honest. I was unsure about a few of them and gave a few a chance but the men especially proved inapt.

A fair few use it as some sort of dating site, which befuddled me. It's long distance and not safe or secure. How would that possibly work?

Others use it as a crutch to combat their lonely days and have no real people skills so in the end I had to tell them all that although I was grateful for their time. It was not what I was seeking.

I wanted long easy flowing conversations and to learn about others. I didn't want a few sentences or inconsequential chatter.

I'm happy to report that now I have two bubbly penpals who I have common interests with and it brings a smile to my face to make a genuine connection.