#BlogLife280 - Wait on me

I want to be someone else, not because I'm ashamed of who I am but because I'm tired of propping myself up each day.

I'm tired of my Insomnia

I'm tired of PTSD on top of PTSD. I didn't realise how traumatised I still am about my childhood.

I buried so much. Maybe if I wasn't still dealing with my ongoing family's mind games I would have been better by now but it's still the same actions.

I'm going to have to do some therapy/fiction or both to draw some of it out so it's less intense.

I'm glad today was completely uneventful. There were triggers about but I managed to avoid them and keep myself in check playing feelgood tunes.

I did feel a bit sicky but that seemed to subside. I'm not sure why I'm having 1 day periods but my cycle has always remained weird.

It's the second time this month it's happened but normally it's spaced apart between early in the month and the last days.

This was just 2 weeks apart. I was going to pop into my favourite store but I didn't want to be tempted.

However I got home and realised that I actually did want some snacks so I ordered my usual sandwiches and I thought I would try out Yum Yums.

I think I sampled them before and wasn't keen but heavens above, these are soft, glazed and have sugar sprinkles, plus icing.

It's totally obscene food wise and I am going to cut down on unhealthy foods but these are sublime.

Pret sold out of my chickeny goodies so I opted for Gregg's again and to be honest I get the 20% off as it's Tuesday so it's probably better.

I haven't had a fizzy drink for ages so I bought the Cloudy Lemonade which is tasty but slightly tart as are all there drinks it seems.

It does balance the dessert though so I'm okay with it.

BookLife has gone into the 34th chapter and I'm not sure exactly where I want it to go, it doesn't have long left but I have to wrap it up in a fun way.

It's so unrealistic and some things I google and still get baffled and others I just completely make up.

I'm going to eat and watch episode 3 of the Flight Attendant as I'm behind and I just finished binging The Closer which was so so funny.

There's something fascinating about cop shows, maybe that's why I wrote about crime themes in a few stories but I never touched on the police influences until now.

I am enjoying the show which is a different spin but the characters, no the writers annoy me a lot because every word is a curse word.

It's just lazy uncreative dialogue. to me that marrs the whole experience. You can have a frustrated character talking without swearing.

You can use body language, you can come up with alternate words but yeeesh it's so offensive to the ears.

I use bad language a bit and it's not something I'm proud of but that is not an every day thing and it's only when I'm extremely vexed.