I think mostly though there are invisible cracks in my shield and it doesn't take much for me to feel pushed into a corner, fighting to breathe and feel steady on my feet.
I had an instance today that was fully recognisable. It feels like this acquaintance set out to goad me and act superior, not really that nice, especially when they came to me for insights.
I'm trying to remain calm and not turn bitter at their rudeness. What makes it more irritating is that they are seemingly arrogant.
Meaning, to themselves they are full of bravado and self belief but if they truly were, they wouldn't be talking down to people.
They don't even realise they are being immensely disrespectful by dictating questions I should be making enquiries about and asking me all manner of inappropriateness at the same time.
My head is ready to explode but I take a deep breath and assert myself. I courageously tell them that I'm happy to try and help them but first they have to value what I am trying to say..
Which is I'm uncomfortable with your grilling and can we change the subject? Also if you are going to continue ignoring my wishes, then you can find someone else to converse with.
Pro tip for anyone that is seeking sympathy......... Do not rile up your audience that is willing to be there for you.
Don't act above them and say, If I were you I would ascertain this firstly and would you please calm down and do as I'm instructing you..........
Big, huge mistake!! That will get you nowhere! Three strikes and you are out. I just clearly stated that I was sorry but I couldn't stick around for it.
What made it worse was the lack of self awareness and then being told that they are just like me and as such I should know how better to read people!!!
Arghhhhhh! Purlease. You have no idea what I'm capable of and unlike you, I can see things objectively. I know when someone is being polite or when they are being rude.
I hate to say it but yes I am better than you because I don't treat people like crap, I lift them up and renew them.
This just triggers the part of me that says SS, you're completely unworthy of attention. Why should I listen to you? There's no intelligent interpretations to gather from you.
Every single day I have to just cast aside these horrible nagging doubts and come through the other side feeling capable and tough.
Even though this confrontation was still difficult, I managed to deal with it correctly and take myself out of it. I still feel a lil guilty I can't fix their personality....
But I'm only human, I can't assist everybody........
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Something on your mind? I am all ears, I mean eyes and l will get back to you inbetween rants :D