#BlogLife944 - Do you have manners?

A few things running through my mind. I'm not sure what to do about the icky volunteer chats.

I don't want to leave them stranded but neither do I want to engage them further.

Secondly I feel like I've once again made the wrong decision and wasted money on what I thought was the best solution.

That's weighing heavily on me but what's done is done. 

At some point I have to ring BT about the switchover, something about landline phones being obsolete and changing to digital voice.

But I don't even use the landline and I'm sure they mentioned something about fibre optic, which they have stated I'm not applicable for, anyway.

I really can't be bothered setting up a new hub/router thingy. I wonder if this is a way to increase the bills?

I'm feeling quite irritated today, the appointment failed to show and couldn't be bothered to apologise and let me know.

I can't relax, I can't eat, I just emailed them and we'll see if it's delayed or postponed.

You pay for a service and they can't be bothered with the follow up, once they've been paid.

It's on to the next paid gig. Ugh! There's nothing worse than waiting.

They are 2 hours and a half late and no response!! No manners at all!

Also Fantastic hasn't refunded me yet, more money down the drain.

I was looking forward to munching but I'm anxious, will he randomly turn up??

I want to change back into house clothes. Ok sod it. It's just after 3pmish, took out the bins and changed.

I'm going to relax, I had the last of the fajita bakes. I'm not really hungry now, maybe will have one more small meal or snack later..

I don't give a toss if they turn up or not now, appalling service all around.

I haven't taken any volunteer chats today, I've just been supporting others in the forum bit.

I tidied and did the last of the clear out and also the washing is done, so finished all the chores now.

I keep expecting decent customer service and I keep being let down.

Is it because I'm a woman and they think we can mistreat her and she won't speak up???

#BlogLife943 - More Iceland

Wowser I'm trying the chicken and red thai curry. At first with the green beans I think it is, I wondered if it was the green thai.

It is really just gently seasoned but not salty, not spicy, just a great flavour.

Delicious, enough chicken, enough rice. Another winner. I also remember the green thai bag they did which had the same flavour but was double the price and they thought people would pay for it..

Nope! I'm sure I only bought it on offer, anyway I avoided this dish all my life because I assumed it would have that strong curry taste but it doesn't, maybe it's part of the 3x £10 meal deal.

There's just a touch of sweetness to the sauce but nothing to ruin it.

Coriander, lime leaves, pineapple and loads of other stuff, highly recommended.

The fajita bake, hmm, the pastry is good, the filling was just ok, too blended.

I would not get that again. The waffle fries cooked weirdly. A few were perfect, others were massively overdone so inedible.

I did less than a handful just as a snack to try them. I guess 20 minutes is too long, I'll try 15 next time.

It's so funny, I've gone from no appetite, to what can I have next?

As I bought chicken and beef to make burgers, I also got the yoghurt and mint sauce that I previously liked..

But I'm not enjoying it, my taste buds want something tomatoey or like a burger sauce.

I'm trying to be healthy!

I'm doing these reviews over a few days by the way. The beef and potato curry with sticky rice was also exceptional.

Lots of beef pieces, the sauce was the best part, mild flavourful.

Another good quality meal, I didn't try the potatoes, sometimes I'm not keen, prefer crunchy veggies, the rawer the better.

That is absolutely bizarre. It is Sunday right? I just got a loud buzz at the door..

I ignored it, it's always the disgusting neighbours and then I got a letter pushed through the letter box.

My heart sank, my first thought, was I'm in trouble, I'm getting evicted or going to jail, this is it.

So what was the letter with a sticky note containing the wrong postcode???

Was it serious? Was it scary? Was it imperative it was opened immediately?

Nopeeeeeeeeeeeee! It was a rent statement. What the hell. Post it through the bloody postbox outside.

And why didn't you buzz anyone else? Actually this is the first time you've buzzed for a statement.

Idiot landlord! I don't know why I panic so much but it's the fear of DWP and they love hounding me.

As predicted, it's September, nearly a year of being hassled and no closer to resolving it.

It's excessive cruelty that I have to worry about bills, jail, eviction, homelessness, debts, for 11 months and there is no sign of them stopping..

Eventually probably just before Christmas she will probably say give me more printouts or write more statements of the exact same thing, just for laughs.

They have no interest in wrapping it up. It's just having something over me and inflicting mental cruelty to someone that's already sick.

Because after a year of me providing proof and evidence. In her mind, she had expectations of me living the high life..

She thought I will break this woman down into fits of tears, make her depressed and highlight that she is irresponsible..

That she spends money on holidays, cars, spa days, jewels, designer gear, nightclubbing and anything preposterous that you can imagine..

Instead of the actual reality of it being, grocery shopping, bills, landlord arrears, rent and cleaners.

To her, it doesn't make sense, so even though I'm transparent, she continues making my life a living hell and will drag this out for probably years.

It's like she won't be happy until I self harm or commit myself to an asylum.

And yes all this stress, does worry me. I can't escape from it. It's the same thing of growing up and trying to survive my childhood that was a terrifying atmosphere.

The bullying is ongoing and the worst thing is, she's always turning it around on me, saying I am not co-operating, when I've done everything asked, multiple times, but yet she infers I'm holding things up.

What's the term for it? Gaslighting!!

Anyway on to yesterday and today, I am so stuffed, decided to try the Chinese chicken wings and they have that ginger spice added, glorious.

Even though I just finished the monthly, I feel like my body is preparing for another period.

I feel bloated, nauseated and crampy. I'm still tired from yesterday's walking.

I'm glad today is free and then tomorrow, one morning follow up appointment and that's it.

I'm waiting to see if they will knock and request the windows to be opened for the painting that seems like it's all done but still wet.

With a yucky strong smell attached. I have some chicken fried rice as leftovers I'll munch later, even though it's lunchtime now.

And P has man flu so he has worse insomnia than me. I'm trying to offer some advice but not sure he is taking it.

I offered to call this afternoony, as my voice always makes him sleepy, we'll see if he takes me up.

I specifically didn't say nighttime, as I don't want any flirtiness and sick or not, men always provide that element.

The volunteering is increasingly weirder. Just because it's anonymous people share anything and I don't know if it's trolling or the weird truth but good grief.

I want a normal chat please. I'm sick of the oddballs. It's too much to cringe, ugh, yuck!!!

#BlogLife942 - Off route...

I guess I forgot what I actually had in the freezer, there was a chicken bake and some chicken kebabs so I'm just cooking them up together and maybe that will be it for today.

I also had some mixed nuts that are rawish and unsalted but that's my preference, maybe they could have been cooked but it's not a dealbreaker.

} haven't heard back from the course and I hope that is the end of it.

I can't be bothered to look back and see if I mentioned this but P got me slightly irritated the other day.

I know I could do this too, so it's not all on him but to be honest, I'm not sure I fancied a call until now.

When we get friendly flirty, that's the only time nowadays he seems to say, Let's have a phone chat tonight.

We went from daily phone chats, to just daily texts and I don't mind that, he's busy, I'm busy and neither of us are in the mood to chat before bed at times.

But no matter what I say, he steers it back to a flirty banter and sometimes I'm just really put off by it.

So I just said Listen, I would have much rather you said, I've been missing our calls and can we catch up via phone properly..

Instead of Oh let's use her for flirting and then I can doze off, so suffice to say we didn't chat that night but he wasn't annoyed.

He's quite approachable and understanding, we don't really bicker as such, we might kinda snap at times but we tend to talk it through.

It's weird because I might not say everything but I am telling him, today is hard, instead of yea yea yea I'm fine.

It's not a romance and I'm not sure I would call it a friendship yet, I don't know why.

It's an acquaintanceship, probably because I take my time with people and want to get to know them slowly.

I'm guarded and don't trust anyone, so that's my process. I wish I had a dip for the kebabs..

Hmm other items I can't find is the small scissors kept in the kitchen drawer.. Plus 2x hand sanitisers.. My tongs..

Oh crap another thing is the expensive electric toothbrush charger, I don't think I've seen that since the cleaner left ffs.

I really don't understand the moving or stealing or trashing things, it's like playing hide and seek with my own bloody possessions!

Was the cleaner bored and thought hmm, let's just bin random items for fun??

As usual, full, but I wish I had some crisps to munch. As I'm trying to empty out the stock..

I'm going to do another weird foodie combination, macaroni cheese and a beef bake pie.

What shall I call it? Mac-ake? Beefaroni surprise? Today eating was just more natural.

I'm glad that the wipes and eye drops arrived about 12pmish, weird they didn't even buzz or knock.

Luckily I got the notification it was dropped off outside the door.

After a while the macaroni is just too concentrated as is the beef.

I overcook it so it's solidified not a fan when it's runny. I always end up burning my tongue on the bakes anyway, this way they get to cool down while I cook the macaroni..

And by cook I mean heat up. Actually loved it, the blend was so good I was gutted when the bake was finished.

My own version of a pasta bolognese I suppose. Oh I found out what the maintenance was about when I took out the bins and checked the post.

For some odd reason, they were painting the interior and exterior.

I don't see the point and what was the banging about? There are more important repairs. Pfft.

Fuckity fuck, just double checked, no sign of the toothbrush charger ffs, these cleaners are disgusting!!

How do you steal from someone disabled?? 

I was wrong about the chicken burrito it's only 1 inside not 2, a medium size £4 though, yowser.

I wasn't sure I would like it, it's delicious. It reminds me of the Asda one I used to get but better.

It's delicately seasoned, lightly sauced, a tiny peppery kick. The pastry has a slight cheesy flavour.

There's enough chicken and rice and veggies, it's so good, I would get that again for sure.

Actually the whole thing is enough for a meal, now that I've cooked it, probably needed 5 minutes more, so 20 would have been better to crisp up all the sides.

But yea nothing is overpowered and that's the way I like it, nice and mild, good job Iceland for stocking it.

I feel so silly, the towel just arrived and it's huge can easily fit around me with room to spare, almost matches the hand towel and other towel too.

On to today (Monday), it's been a weird day weather wise as I think it was raining, very hot and very cold.

There were barely any market stalls out, which was weird so the food truck sadly wasn't available, darn.

The buses are still stopping half way, ugh they have extended the road works, until mid September grr.

It took me absolutely ages to cross the road but I got to the UC appointment and actually explained the situation and he gave me a phone appointment for next time.

Finally!!! You didn't even offer that when I was fluey. Sod it, getting Chinese as there is a discount and I'm too tired to get up and get water even.

#BlgLife941 - Trying to be in a better head space..

That was cool, I was searching for deals and didn't see much so I got the jumbo thick purple towel for a tenner, the wipes for £2 and 3x Blink eye drops for £11.

And then this voucher for 10% came up so I saved a £1ish, not much but better than nothing.

All the drops roughly had an individual retail cost of about £4ish yikes. (Blink seemed to cost about a fiver usually).

I'm not really bothered about the brand, unless it's on sale and new. It just has to be contact lens friendly as usually it's the time I'm wearing that the irritation, cloudiness or dryness occurs the most, so I don't want to remove them.

Today has been rainy and chilly, I love it but wonder if I should turn on the heated blankie, at long last.

I have to stop being so foolish so I've just started cooking a minced beef bake and turned on the heating.

The chicken one is superior but never in stock. I could have done them both but I don't know if I'll be full afterwards.

Life goes on, either it is sorted or it isn't and I can talk to him next week.

I can't just stop functioning because I'm overwhelmed, that's ridiculous.

Maybe by the weekend I can book an Iceland slot if the food continues going down.

I did enjoy that and had some tiramisu afterwards which I forgot I had.

As predicted I am full. It could also be hormones, around my monthly my hunger does go up and down.

But at least I cooked something. I forgot I bought mini cheese pizzas and waffle fries.

I'll just keep cooking small meals that really appeal to me and that will make it easier.

I think all my stuff should arrive before Monday. Oh that's it, let me jot down a note with the towel size.

They said it was 100% Egyptian cotton and 90/100x190cm. Hmm I confused myself I thought this one was bigger than the 100x200cm ones I saw.

How did I get muddled? Oh well I don't even know how big that will be, hopefully enough to wrap around me comfortably.

Oh the course just emailed to say they've removed me until I provide them with a valid passport.

I'm glad though, I'll email them now and say I'm struggling with the bills and expenses and I can't afford to renew it.

I resent having too. It's still me, my bloody photo, my name, other personally identifiable information.

What the hell is the point having a valid passport when it's never used?

Plus nobody else would know my middle names and no I'm not going to divulge them.

They are the most unique I've ever seen or heard anywhere in the world.

Hardly likely to be a forgery. They are just being tits on purpose.

But actually they are doing me a favour. 

Surprise surprise those creamy chicken bakes are in stock in Iceland but I don't know whether to get them or the newer ones or both?

Also just took my time and oiled my hair, gave myself a nice scalp massage and that was long overdue.

It's just gone 12pmish and it's been delightfully pouring with rain all day so it's blissfully quiet.

I love that, I can actually hear myself think :)

Weirdly enough I'm not cold today. I don't know what to munch because although I don't feel stressed at present, neither do I feel peckish..

#BlogLife940 - Iceland goodies

I thought I would have a look, it's been a while since I checked to see if any new products were available.

There were loads but I'm only interested in the non red meat versions.

Greggs have a limited edition chicken fajita bake 2x £3.50. Iceland has a beef curry and sticky rice £3.75 ouchy prices.

Las Iguanas have a chilli beef burrito and a chicken one, chicken for me I think.

I hope these things aren't overly spiced. Iceland has new creamy chicken pies x4 £2.50 that's good, I like their own range.

And there was a chicken pasta that's sold out and a red thai chicken with sticky rice that looks good £3.75.

I personally now I've tried it and like it, prefer green thai, to me it's stronger and has a better taste.

But they are also offering deals, so 3 for £10. I'm only trying to get items that I really crave to kickstart a full appetite again.

I don't know what maintenance work was being done today, a lot of banging, seemed like they were cleaning the walls or windows, strange, that isn't a service that's offered.

There's no letters about it.

I'm done munching had the salmon pasta and the sandwich, plus some starburst and the hobnob biscuits.

I forgot to add this, remember the spring rolls I bought at the market that weren't spicy but needed extra seasoning?

I didn't notice at the bottom of the bag was a deliciously mild cucumber mint raita dip, ughhh. By then I had finished them lol.

Even though it wasn't the best, but it was goodish at least it was affordable. I really want to try the samosas and maybe the kebab roll, but in chicken not lamb.

Oh and the pakoras too, not sure if they are veggy or chicken.. And I bet all that filler food would be a tenner or so..

And by that time the buses will be running all the way to the market not stopping part way, so the food might even remain hot and crispy.

I need to budget and instead of me paying £15 or £20.. I can get snacks cheaper.

The only thing our market doesn't seem to have is a good Chinese takeout or a sushi place.

But I know other good places to get them from, it would be easier if they were within walking distance, I would spend less.

I have a feeling the next trip to the Optician or pedicure place, I'll pick up fish and chips and a cod roe, I've been craving that.

I can get the small version, it just won't be hot by the time I get home.

Mama's place and our local seems like they challenge themselves to put in as much food as possible.

The chunky chips are so plentiful, we can never finish and it's always fresh, a family business so it's never empty.

I need to get some more eye drops, a new towel, maybe a flannel and what was the other thing?

Oh yea face wipes too. I'm still waiting for the appointment to show up...

Ok 11.11am he turned up, there was no text this time so I was getting anxious I had been scammed again.

He was due before 12pm and I let him know everything, instead of not speaking up and regretting it.

I have no idea where the cleaners put the mop, the broom and the pan and brush, ughh.

I had things in sight for a reason so that they were easily accessible, if I can't find them I'll have to get replacements.

I just have a few more things to discard and that's it. I had to get the cleaner to open up an essential oil lemon bottle as I couldn't break through the child proof cap.

Embarrassing but hey ho. The other issue pressing on my mind is worrying about keeping things clean and manageable.

I'm really trying to do spot tidying as much as possible but I know there will come a time, when I'm injured or tired and it will get harder.

Hmm that took 20 minutes only but at least there wasn't much mess.

Umm I'm sceptical, he's coming back next week and I hope he didn't just do a rush job.

I deserve a thorough experience. It just seems too quick and easy.

I just thought it would be longer. He forgot to take the dvd player and I'm not reminding him.

I don't mind him having it, what I mind is.. I'm not convinced, it's all done.

I wanted to have peace of mind afterwards but I just feel I have been ripped off.

Maybe I am unnecessarily worrying for nothing? I have one more appointment with him next Wednesday.

I will address my concerns then because my appetite hasn't returned and I can't do a badly needed Iceland shop as I'm too stressed to eat.

He just made light of the things I said, not in a mean way but I don't feel reassured.

He did talk to me afterwards but I can't help but wonder if, he was just not really bothered to spend time double checking his work.

Or more eager to move on to the next paid job. I have to find a way to confront him, just so I can feel at ease.

I have to get over this mood but I don't know how. The funny thing is I can help other people feel better..

I just can't seem to do it for myself. I will try to continue grazing on snacks..

Maybe later, not now, my stomach is in knots. At lease the rest of the week is free.

Ugh what is even the point doing a grocery shop when I'm not munching.

I was looking forward to it. I guess I expected to feel differently.

I'm pretty sure the bins have been emptied, I heard a few trucks, unless they have forgotten about us again.

I'm just really trying to follow all these steps to improve my life and wellbeing so why doesn't it seem like it's evolving to a better place?

I'm fed up.

#BlogLife939 - I am such a hypocrite

I've been lending support on the forums, advising others to take care of themselves..

That they should prioritise themselves and not just burnout or neglect their needs.

And I'm not even doing that. Regarding stress I used to overeat unhealthy things and then feel remorseful.

Now I guess I stop feeling the need to nibble, maybe I feel disappointed in myself, I should be doing this and that but instead I'm outsourcing and relying on others.

It's my responsibility, illness or no illness. I don't even fancy dessert and that's the usual comfort food choice.

I can't wait to get back to my normal state of independence where it's just me and I can get it done in my own pace.

I'm reliable, others are not. The sun shining brightly is mocking me.

Am I just continually making the wrong decisions? Making my life harder?

I'm wondering when it will get easier? 

The funny thing about having people coming and going so much, is constantly hiding the washing that's hanging out.

I think I'm just waiting for these intrusive meetings to be over with.

I'm actually running low on a fair few bits so I need to do a shop soon anyway.

It can't be tomorrow, busy, maybe after the surveyor or just before..

Hmm, that's disappointing, I got an email postponing tomorrow's appointment until Wednesday.

It's not to bad and it was an emergency but the cynical side of me thinks, Uh Oh, paid for something and now being messed around......

At least it's still this week and I guess, I can have a lay in, I'll see if I'm in the mood to munch tomorrow.

They didn't have the samosas but I also got a chicken sandwich and the salmon salad pasta.

Oh that's what I was going to say, my hunch was right about one of chats lying about the facts.

I hate that, so now I don't know what to do if they request another one, I guess I have to confront them and move them along.

I hate being lied too, when I'm trying to help. Why would you do that?

Also I bonded with another Listener and it was so weird to see her targeted for trolling and personal attacks.

Why? She's nothing but sweet and supportive, I've never seen her attack anyone aside from defending herself.

I don't get it. Anyway she's a strong character and we are allies which makes it easier for both of us :)

Ah so got around to calling the surveyor and no free slots are available, so she said just wait for the new appointment to arrive by post.

I'm not keen on that but I hope they will also send a text reminder in case I don't get the letter.

Now I have to tackle the course of which I have lost enthusiasm for..

I just have to tell them I'm not prepared to shell out for additional identification.....

Why should I have too? I have enough expenses. Oh that's odd just check the Emop bill, I was only charged £85.

I know it's a lot of money, I just mean't I thought it would be, extra, extra as it was all day, 5 hours I think.. Instead of the 3.

Maybe I got all those discounts in the end or perhaps they knew I wasn't happy.

I forgot that the end of the month passed and the rent is due so after the phone charges I'll pay that.

The money is certainly dwindling down. The rent is paid for the month.

Well I guess it just happened Mama texted to say she's leaving tomorrow for Canada to see her Mama and siblings and will be back on the 4th.

I had assumed she left already so I wished her a great trip. It just felt like the right time to talk.

Although it's not really opening up. I'm not sure I'm ready to re-connect with her.

I don't think I've missed her as such, there are things I've wanted to discuss, general things..

It's the fact that our relationship will never improve, I can say something and then she will take it in and then late on repeat the toxic behaviour.

So what exactly is the point? I'm sick of sacrificing my needs to pretend I'm fine.

I'm realising I can live without her. It doesn't seem right but I don't want to feel unwanted anymore.

I'm just done with being trodden on. It's time for me to be kind to myself and ask, What or Who makes me feel good?

I've also trimmed and filed my nails and trimmed my hair, so all spruced up.

#BlgLife938 - No peace this weekend

I don't know what to do now. As predicted (Friday) is another disaster.

I got billed for today's supposed cleaning from Fantastic Services, only for it to be cancelled again.

Emop sent me a 15% discount that expires today maybe. Which horrible company do I pick?

I'm waiting for them to get back to me, as I missed the call. Maybe I'll get a discount from them too?

I guess if I am dissatisfied with the update, I will revert back to Emop.

I just wanted it done so I could relax this weekend until next week's appointments.

Now I'm in limbo, waiting, waiting, waiting. Why couldn't it be straightforward?

There's nothing I can do but stress and continue to be scammed for more money and no work.

Let's rationalise this out. If I pick Emop, there's no guarantee it will be done, but usually they can have cleaners at short notice.

Plus it's cheaper and they show up!!

If I choose Fantastic Services, they keep cancelling but promise to stay until it''s complete, if they ever show up..

They are way more expensive and I suspect want to find an excuse to charge me more.

Oh and the volunteering chats, two are dubious. I pay attention to inconsistencies and these are huge.

I'm not a fan of that, maybe it's a misunderstanding on my part, or they were nervous but it's put me off those two.

If I'm spending all this time listening, offering you my patience and sympathy and you keep changing your story, what is the point??

So it's 2pmish now, 3 hours to get back to me, to say, they'll be in touch?? Not so fantastic a service.

I just figured, Hey if I'm going to be taken for a ride again, might as well be the lower cost version.

I don't know if the 15% went through or not. Oh by the way, as of nearly 7pm, no news from Fantastic, pfft..

I booked with Emop for tomorrow and figured, if they have anyone fine, if not will try Sunday and/or Monday.

Then got a call to say, can't do it in the morning, 1.30pm is free though, ugh, always the afternoonys.

But I accepted it. They've preliminary charged £78 but only for 2.5 hours, not the usual 3/4.

I wonder if that will be enough? Doubtful, as they take an hour per room.....

Or even sometimes 4!!! Then I think for possibly every hour over, it's just under £7..

I'm glad it's a female and a different one, maybe she will take pride in her work and just get on with it and not go slowly.

Or for once, not try to pull me aside for extra cash...

I'm guessing either it won't be done yet again. She'll do one room and then quit...... And leave..

Or she will say sorry changed my mind, this job isn't for me..

Or...... No I don't believe a miracle will finally happen and I'll be happy with the outcome..,

What else will be broken or go missing??

As always I will update you and I have to stop talking to P about this, I'm sure he's fed up by now.

Maybe you are also but it's consuming my thoughts, so until it's sorted, I can't move on..

I thought of a compromise, if she can manage the bathroom and hallway, I'll say what about just doing half the bedroom ha.

Sounds really weird but I just want the 3 rooms mopped. I don't want to pay anymore damn bills.

If this is the only way, then I'll compromise. Just under 2 hours to go... Hmm..

It is so weird I have to sacrifice my needs... That was unusual the cleaner texted to introduce herself and confirm the arrival.

That's classy so I just repeated the instructions on how to get here and said call/text if you need me.

45 minutes to go. I gotta trim my hair and nails soon, they are both too long..

Well the cleaner is running late, maybe 2pm-4.30pm instead. At least she texted me though.

And no haven't eaten, no hunger pangs at all.

1.50pm - 4.20pm. Well I think it amounted to about 3 hours but because she was late, it wasn't really charged overtime, I don't think.

I went ahead and booked a cleaner for tomorrow as the hallway is done and the bathroom is done and my bank balance is done.

The only thing not done, is the bedroom floor. Once more wasting money, but to be honest, she was a lot nicer than the previous ones.

I'll hopefully get a full club and cleaning refund from the idiot service Fantastic and I bet they would have quoted a couple hundred to do it.

Altogether for 5 rooms, the total will probably be £280. The first clean was £115. (2 rooms), 5 hours.

The second was £78 (2 rooms), 3 hours and the third will probably be the same £78 for 1hr30 maybe for 1 room.

So because it's not done yet, I'll have crisps for dinner. I could get takeout but that's more money lost and I'm not even peckish.

I woke up early and even by 8amish Pret was sold out of the chicken baguette so I didn't bother with it.

They finally emptied the bins so I de-cluttered a bit and took the trash out, still more to go though.

After today is done and next weeks appointments are finished, I'm hoping my eating will return to normal.

The worry will be alleviated as the significant responsibilities will have been finally dealt with,

I still feel a bit numb, maybe it's hormones. It's been so difficult to get every seemingly straightforward task done.

It does feel nice that my place looks emptier and more simplistic with most of the junk gone.

Well, well, well. You can probably guess what happened??!!

The cleaner called to say she was running late and could it be after 5pm but as my room light is broken, there may not be enough natural light.

I wonder if craziness happens to anyone else?

She said she'd cancel the booking but then called back and said she couldn't, could she do it tomorrow instead.

I was literally rebooking for tomorrow and requested as early as possible.

She said 12pm would suit, which is good. This really holds me back but she's new and seems dedicated to staying until it's cleared up.

She can help me de-clutter and then mop and then maybe I'll feel like I deserve food, who knows?

I won't be eating today though, I have water. There hasn't really been cramps.

A lil bit of nausea. At least I can post this tomorrow to stop it turning into a book..........

I was watching foodie videos hoping that would inspire me to munch but I feel too twisted in turmoil.

If I do not make the surveyor appointment really soon, I'm going to be in big trouble, that's what is scaring me.

That's why I can't eat and do the usual food shop, well that and something else..

I shall probably post this way, way, way after 12pm and then you'll know, if she turned up, if it was spotless, if I'm finally done with cleaners...

Or if I'm rescheduling yet again for Wednesday as Tuesday, I'm busy.

(Ps unlike yesterday 5pmish came around and it's all bright and sunny. Ugh, could have risked the appointment).

I might as well add to this post as it is all relevant. I heard back from UnFantasic and they provided me a new quote..

I knew all those last minute cancellations were just a money grab.

They wanted to gouge me for more money just to declutter and clean.

The new price made me laugh, as it was 3x times the amount of the original.

I was not surprised at all. They wanted to stretch it out over 2 days, to make it more expensive.

If you cancel at the last minute, you can't call yourselves professionals.

Sorry before I can move on, I have to say this. UnFantastic called and was really surprised I wanted a refund.

She balked at my tone, that I wasn't happy and then said, Well you cancelled so I don't know about a refund.

I said No, You cancelled last minute, twice! I expect a full refund for your unprofessional service.

She said, maybe we can tailor it to your budget ha!! Then she was deflated and said Um, I'll consult with my team.

Pfffft!!!

Nothing more I can do about that. The cleaner from yesterday arrived.....

I was gobsmacked. She was nice and insisted on helping me declutter.

I have to say, the amount of junk accumulated was embarrassing.

It took all day to be honest but she stayed and did it and wasn't clock watching or complaining or judging.

She just got on with it. As I ran out of bin bags and had a voucher, I did a mini zoom and bought her the lunch deal, wrap, drink and chocolate.

It was the least I could do, it's not much. Oh and she spotted some booties she liked, so I gave them to her.

I don't really think I wore them, too big a heel and she really helped to put my mind at ease.

I can't explain why I got so rattled with the door opening and closing and any sudden bangs.

Anyway I hope the binmen actually come early this week, the neighbours will hate that I filled up the bins with trash.

Actually, she insisted that she was happy to take them out. I honestly insisted but she was stern and I was relieved as they were heavy.

And just like that my hands are stinging with pain. Unfortunately the Surveyor was closed by the time she was done.

I will contact them tomorrow to book it for this week. Oh and happy to report..

I ate some nuts and an egg sandwich, also water. I grabbed the starburst and crisps but I'm full.

The half sandwich stopped the cravings but because I opened, I finished it off.

Ok you'll be relieved to know, that is it. See you tomorrow.....