#BlogLife129 - Hiding the pain and only showing partial reality

I have met a lot of the I-wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve types. Look in some ways I admire that. You can fully express yourself and share what you are feeling.

On the other hand, you just get trodden on and taken advantage of. I see it, I hear about it and it doesn't change. I couldn't live like that, just being so open that people just gather information and twist it.

They don't seem to change no matter the circumstances and it always baffles me. I'm not saying be extreme and don't talk at all.

I'm saying have some common sense and don't share every little bit that is going through your mind. Maybe hold off for a bit, until that person divulges what their intentions are.

I hear the word mysterious a lot when people refer to me but I'm not trying to be coy. I am actively holding back and seeing how it will unfold naturally without laying my cards out on the table.

People or I should say strangers know very little about me or my life. They assume I am happy go lucky, giggly, jokey, not taking myself to seriously.

I share in very small doses, over time and with each notification, there are time allotted for reactions and any negativity.

They don't know about my health issues, my PTSD, my trust issues or my battle with self esteem. I am not forthcoming about any of it, unless someone asks me a direct question and I feel natural about explaining a bit of it.

Otherwise I just protect myself from being exploited. At least this way I have only spoken about sensitive topics minimally and there is only a fraction of a backlash.

It still stings but at least I can quickly get over it and don't feel foolish about serving myself up completely to some spiteful jerk, who can't see how special I am.

Also I don't feel exposed and awkward. There is a lot to be said for keeping busy and not dwelling on sickness. If you tell someone that you are sick, whether short or long term.

That becomes their sole focus of conversation each time. If you are like me, the last thing you want to focus on, is the symptoms attached to that condition.

It is near impossible to speak about it and remain positive. If I have to touch on it, it's brief and to the point. I can't let the magnitude wash over me because it brings an emotional storm with it.

It is already so difficult trying to feel good and have something, anything to smile about. Anyway that is my take. Live your life but be careful who you trust.