#BlogLife128 - I don't want to eat, I want to disappear

I can't wrestle my demons and control them and I keep letting the day wear on without eating or drinking anything until suddenly it is the middle of the afternoon.

Each hour that passes, I think of food/drink less and less. I don't feel the pangs. It becomes easier to wipe out the need for it.

I get up and wander to the kitchen. I look in the fridge and freezer and I don't want to take anything out.

I do it out of routine, not out of any pleasure. I chew endlessly and I am not enjoying the flavours. I can't spit it out and yet I don't want to swallow it either.

I have to get my head right so I can pretend to be normal. I don't want to talk but I am floating around places, lingering.

I used to cook and throw it away or sometimes eat half and then dispose of the rest.

Don't ask me why. I keep waiting to feel better but there is unrest.

I mean sometimes I can vent it out of me and leave it all on the page and breathe a sigh of relief afterwards but I can't seem to do that.

I think I just needed to admit that because now that some time has passed I feel different. 

I am back to eating routinely and thoughts of going without have left me.