#BlogLife652 - I'm hurting you but I'm joking.. Get over it!!

Song of the day - Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAOdlgFJDAI

I know I've posted this song of the day multiple times, it just fits today's theme so well.

Plus with the tiredness and the cramps, I don't have it in me to search for another one.

I've had my cheese toasties, got my sugar free lemon squashes to sip on, have the anti nausea in the background, hopefully all that will help.

What is the title about? The regulars will know there is one consistency about me and that is I attract bastards, emotional and physical men that seek to tear me down and make me feel small and unhappy.

Most of them think, I can say anything I want but add the tag #JustJoking and that makes it acceptable.

As I'm hormonal, I feel particularly sensitive at the moment but overall, I look for the warning signs of how men treat me and if I see/hear/feel something consistently that I don't like, I will leave.

For some reason yesterday MM/S just decided to continually "joke" around about my weight, intellect, sanity all day.

Certain things, I will always take to heart, I don't like my body, I never really have so that's a button pusher.

I never feel as smart as anyone else, that too, is not something to kid around with.

I know I can be smart with certain subjects but others I feel I lack knowledge.

Anyway he kept saying things like..... You shouldn't eat, you should diet and slim down to a proper size.

You're going to crush me with your weight, Your area is known for not being clever..

Have you just returned from seeing your psychiatrist?

You're bigger than I am.... On and on he went and he didn't really apologise until the very end.

I was more angry or fed up with it, than hurt, although residue will always sink in and make me feel low about myself.

I decided to turn the tables. I wrecked his head. I thought hmm, you want to make fun and laugh at me??

Be prepared to deal with the consequences. I could have called him an ass, a bastard, a fool, an idiot.

Well the last one I did but I thought it's much more gratifying to teach him a lesson.

Maybe he will learn from it and maybe he won't and if he doesn't, then I'm disappearing.

I decided to just hold off on affectionate niceties, I turned cold and frosty.

So eventually it got to the point where he thought, wow, she's writing me off, she wants nothing more to do with me...

And still I didn't feel he was genuinely apologetic, I felt he was going through the motions to have an easy fix.

He called me 3 times, the first 2 I ignored on purpose and he was so shocked.

The last time I answered and he gloated saying Ha I win. Instead of saying, I was acting like a prick, I won't do it again, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, can I make it up to you??

There was a begrudged sorry and I was hardly speaking, just clipped answers, long bouts of silence, which is not like me at all.

To hammer home the point, that you can't treat people like crap and get away with it.

I like the fact that he turned it on me and said I was being harsh to him lol.

Oh and the other huge thing that is grating on my nerves, he keeps accusing me of being married, constantly, meaning I'm lying to him and untrustworthy.

Which is very disrespectful. It makes me think he is projecting and has a guilty conscience of not being single himself.

I always feel like if you are that ready with the criticisms, there must be a grain of truth in your brain thinking, she's a whale, she's unattractive, why do I want her???

Now ultimately I know that I'm continually working on myself, trying to be more confident, trying to be healthier, so I'm proud of myself, proud of my accomplishments.

I just have to be cautious about who I let next to me......

Yea I don't feel guilty at all. 

I need to get some new earbuds, the BX17 are only lasting a short while now, less than an hour.

But none of them seem to be clear when making calls, I can hear them perfectly, but I sound distorted to them.

The whole point of headphones is so that I can reduce using my hands, they are literally killing me holding the phone.

Reviews are always mixed, it's so hard to tell what is good and what isn't.