#BlogLife669 - I miss food..

I cooked the rotis, that seem like a wrap/chapati hybrid, but I love the fact that they are wholemeal and cook easily so I'm not standing for too long.

I did try them with the salmon, the taste is the same, the enjoyment is not. 

I don't know if I will attempt the rest or bin it. I want that feeling back, where I loved former dishes but it's just gone.

In the end I just put a lil butter and savoured that, way more than a topping would have.

It's still so weird. I cannot accept that I'm heading towards a simpler appetite.

The more I force myself to eat things I used to like but don't.. There is a danger there that I will lose my appetite again and just push food aside.

Anyway, that probably won't happen. My phone the Nord CE2 Lite, what a long stupid name...

Updated and now it's crashing the bloody music player. It's some security thing that cannot be disabled.

Argh I will have to investigate it because music calms me down and stops the panic attacks.

My brain is a bit scattered which is why I didn't post this on Thursday.

The only thing circling around it is. I'm a bit annoyed, my friend was telling me that, well this is how I interpret it....

She's become an emotional crutch, someone is just dumping and dumping their depressed mood onto her and I feel protective of her.

As though's the other person is taking advantage of her friendly, helpful and sweet side.

She feels guilty for being happy and content in her own life, which she shouldn't and he's indirectly making her feel bad, which angers me a lot, actually.

It's not my business but I wish he would stop whining about whoa is me, I hate everything, I hate myself blah blah blah and seek some bloody therapy, instead of dumping his foul mood on her.

Either confide in friends and family and/or get some much needed therapy and turn your life around because whatever you're doing, isn't working.

Alright to turn it back on me, someone suggested I do the same and get therapy and move past my dating history, once and for all..

And I said No because I feel too emotionally fragile, for someone to mess with my head and leave me raw and open.

I try to tackle one thing at a time, especially in the self therapy posts. (Crazy Self Therapy).

Besides, I don't feel like it is something that is ever going to disappear completely.

I was habitually hurt. I had/have no-one to lean on. I trust no-one and if someone tries to cosy up to me..

Well the thought of it, being able to relax and confide, is really comforting but the reality, is never what I think it will be.

Either they leave, or I do. Then add in the mix, deep rooted insecurities and it makes everything worse.

I can't say I like you, or I care about you and want to.. Spoil you with affection because then it's always...

Yes yes yes SS, focus on me, and I'll focus on me also and neglect you completely....

What I'm saying is, it's just easier and practical to keep my guard up, all the way up.