#BlogLife666 - I'm trying to be happy..

Yesterday and today I've been trying to be in a better mood and fight the hormonal rampages but it's tough.

I have cramps, I feel empty and drained and I still want to scream at someone, well actually punch them in the guts!

I don't feel hungry but maybe having some cheese and crackers will help my tum tum settle down?!

I thought today, let's try and have fish and see if I like that particular version of the sandwich spread, Princes salmon but I forgot one tiny, teensy, itty bitty fact.......

It's in a tiny jar and I can't open it. Ugh my strength is getting weaker, day by day.

I am forgoing that plan and just going with something that I can open easily, which is the cheese.

Even though it's not something I can control, I still feel disappointed in myself when I can't do things.

I wonder if other sick people feel like that or if they just accept it and move on?

Yesterday she kept saying see a Doctor, like it's just easy, to go in and make an appointment and get the help I need.

One, appointments are like gold dust, extremely rare, I know as Mama has been trying to get one, to get a referral to treat herself and it's been near impossible.

Secondly just to put myself out there, re-tell my story, my symptoms and angst and be looked upon like I am dirt, who is just giving a feeble sob story and wasting their time, kills me.

Doctors made me feel like I was losing my mind. I questioned my own sanity because they said I was all fine and there was nothing wrong.

Is it any wonder, why I don't want to go through that crap??? I have to prop myself up and just be strong, all the flipping time.

I can't do it. I don't wish to serve myself up to the devil doctors, only to be dismissed, yet again.

I'm waiting for my phone to install a software update, I doubt it will be android 15.

I think I will go on pay as you go, when my contract ends but I'm not completely sure.

At least with contracts I can get a free phone every few years. Ugh EE has changed the website and I can't get my billing information to see when the renew date is, I guess I will call them at some point.

I found a new show Sight Unseen, about a woman losing her sight, who is a cop and hasn't adjusted to it so doesn't want to use a cane, or a poochy.

She uses an app, which connects her to a sighted assistant who becomes her eyes but she's screwed when her phone battery dies.

I think she's an idiot for not using a backup. 

I think petty me, was waiting until I managed to overpower the jar and open it.

I wanted a lil victory in my corner, it's not really the big bad wolves hiding in the shadows that I'm battling..

It's the everyday issues, that sometimes, I just cannot solve..