#BlogLife668 - Hold the butter

My quest to try new things is hit and miss, I just sampled the Fry vegan kievs and loathed them.

I thought garlic and fake chicken, fun combination but all I tasted was butter.........Absolutely revolting.

It's like eating a whole stick of butter on it's own. Ickity. I had to bin them, I can't do it, give it another shot or coat them with a dip, that butter taste is just too much.

I told Mama to relax and stick to her routine and I realised that once again, I was giving the deranged twit power over me so I'm going to proceed as normal.

I went into the kitchen about 6/7 times intending to come out with a new tissue box and forgot each time.

I got drinks, fruit, ice poles, rice, more drinks and the last time, I thought hey, just pick up the tissues first and then I made the mistake of going into the fridge for more drinks and strawberries and promptly left the tissues inside....... Sigh lol.

I guess I still feel on the edge and going to the Police is not an option because he hasn't done anything and they are all about evidence, first get physically attacked, and then we will step in as it is tied in a nice neat bow.

As I said I've been ill and tormented for a long time and have no more fight in me.

My family has always been toxic and a hazard to my physical and mental wellbeing.

There just doesn't seem to be an escape from it but I realised his goal has always been to torture us, make us stressed and remove any joy from our lives.

And he is not even in the same country anymore but when someone is that evil and that determined to destroy you.

Yea it's definitely........... A lot to handle, alone.

Oh I tried the Tubzee mango kulfi lollies, which are a bit sweeter than the pistachio but not as nice.

I'm not really keen on them, if possible will pass them on to Mama.

The last flavour to sample is the clotted cream, which sounds so delicious also but what if I hate it?

I wish they had sprinkled nuts in the other flavours too.

You know this sounds really bad but I'm going to say it anyway.

I'm almost at the point where I feel like cutting Mama out of my life too, she just keeps forgiving him and bringing back his evil reign over us.

I could literally say to her, from now on don't mention each of the siblings names to me anymore but she still would.

I'm going to sink into depression and I don't know if I can find my way out of it, this time.

I don't know if I want too. I want some stillness, quietness, a break from the constant soap opera dramas.

I think to be honest, I'm sick of making her feel better, when she should have got rid of him a long time ago.

It's a constant feeling of helplessness and his new way to manipulate her, will be when the grandchild comes along and then it will be back to abuse and strangleholds and she'll bring me in to it.

Or want me to say it's okay or comfort her and I am sick to death of it!

I literally feel once again, at my lowest ever point. I really don't know what to do, except shut myself off and welcome the inevitable.

You might as well all unfollow me now because until this thing passes, there aren't going to be any jolly perky posts...

Not that there were many to begin with, in the first place.

I keep having these dreams where I am being murdered and I actually welcome it.

I say please carry on, thank you for putting me out of my misery and be sure to hit all the vital organs.

That's where my head is at right now. I was honestly trying to hang on and be strong.....

But it's impossible, maybe some fiction would help.....