#BlogLife983 - Throw away Throw...

That's all my Christmas presents received unless Santa let's me win from the advents.

I put some pictures on Twitter. I'm happy the slippers arrived early, re-delivered from Royal Mail the next day.

They are so soft, not as cute as the picture but I like unusual or cute shades and they will be toasty for my feet that are always sore, delicate and frozen.

The blankie is also silky soft but it's not giving much heat so basically an oversized thick throw and that's it.

I do not have luck with these things, even the faulty one is better.

It's on the highest setting and still rubbish but for testing purposes I got to leave it on and see if it will eventually produce heat, ugh waste of money so far.

Just under an hour later, it's warmer but only at the top. I'm not cold because the heating is on and I just munched, but if I was the blankie wouldn't do me any good.

Oh I was surprised by the zinger burgers, not really spicy just tongue tingly mildness, that's what I prefer.

It's made me face warm so that helps. Quite small but nice tasty bun and good sized fillet, now I know it's not spicy, I would get that offer again.

The next day it was still fresh. When I have a minute I'll write a scathing review on Amazon.

Overall what I noticed was, the density of the blankie took the chill away not the heat.

It's twice as thick as the old one but in the evening, I really started to shiver, even though it was on high so it will be relegated to a spare but not a primary source because it's terrible.

By the way it's been just over two months and I haven't had to charge the face brush since the first time I did it, not bad at all.

I sometimes use it twice a day or once or none at all, depending on my mood, for a few minutes I would say.

It's funny, I would spend money, more than usual on buying luxury gifts for others but I wouldn't do it for myself.

It just doesn't seem appropriate to waste money on fun treats, unless it's beauty or food, which are basically essentials and even then I make sure there is usually a discount.

Pmt is still up and down but I am definitely craving chocolate and biccys and nuts.

I still hope to skip this month, although if I do, I'm going to suffer in January.

#BlogLife982 - Emailed Iceland

I am stuffed, Iceland was a bit late so I did the cheese toasties and then had a cupcake because it's so tiny and I wanted to review it.

I put a picture on twitter. 9x for £2. I think that's excellent value for a party, a family or a singleton ha and a long expiry date of 2 weeks.

It's a really soft vanilla sponge with a generous sweet icing. I'm not sure how long they will last, being that tasty.

I also got the hazelnut chocolate churros, 12x £2.50, really tiny but if it's anything like the apple ones, it's going to be a treat.

So I went to the door with half a dozen bags and he came in breathlessly puffing with them already packed up.

He said, look I know you're ill, email Iceland and explain that I had to bring in bags for you.

Oof I was so relieved, I felt really dizzy today and taking the bags to the kitchen, my back was already hurting.

So I emailed Iceland explaining my circumstances, not sure what will happen but I can only try.

I'm 47yrs old and can't cope with most things. I am ancient health wise.

So even though I felt unsteady and delicate, I was so happy to see the bags I did an impromptu #MorningDancePartyWorkout.

Ha that's what I titled it in an old post I think. Oh the last thing I will review is the Crown Farms chicken sausages 12x £4.50 ouch but most of their items, the quality is outstanding.

Oh yea one last thing that surprised me. Batchelors big super chicken noodles £1.25..

I know I've bought that before but I feel like they tweaked the recipe because I added extra water to make it soupy, there was a whole load or dry power mix and it was delicious.

I don't remember it being that great, I actually preferred drinking it as a soup drink and left the noodles because I was full.

So that and the Covent Garden ones are the soups I would get frequently.

I'm not hungry in the mornings, usually I sip ice water but because it's so cold and the heating and blankie take ages to kick in, it's a nice way to heat up and relax.

Yuck, just tried the Crown Farms chicken sausages, worst product in their range, tastes like chicken soup seasoning.

I do not like it, I thought it would be a lil peppery or have some sort of great herbs included, I do not recommend it.

Plus it took ages to cook about 25 minutes and it split, it just didn't want to brown.

I just taste salt. I will not buy that again, will stick to frankfurters or vegan ones, so much better.

Next up, have to try the churros ha. They are only tiny. I remembered 6 minutes was the cooking sweet spot, boiling hot, basically nutella inside but not as sickly sweet.

Pretty tasty the pastry doesn't taste of munch but the blend today is great.

I have to say the apple cinnamon one was a lot better, just really flavourful but this isn't bad.

I don't think I would get it again, to me warm or hot chocolate has a slightly burnt taste, spoils it a bit for me.

A mixed bag really, I should have got salt and vinegar hula hoops, much nicer than cheese and onion but she caught me on the hop.

Iceland got back to me weirdly saying give us your personal details so we can escalate this.

Yeesh I only wanted to give feedback, give bags to those that need it.

I ignored that and then they wrote again saying we will take it under advisement and let us know if you need extra help with deliveries and we'll put a note on your account....

Didn't I just say that? I just want easy to carry bags, not all the items on the floor so I'm bending to pick each one up individually. Cripes.

#BlogLife981 - Should I go through another blankie saga?

I just opened Mama's giftcard for Amazon and she wrote me a note apologising for the birthday dismissal crap.

I appreciate it but it doesn't change the past, solitude is still a welcome reprieve from others.

Anyway as the blankie keeps going off with a fault and it's 3 years old, I wondered if they were on sale.

Turns out they are. The best one I've seen is reduced from £45 to £30 and it's in a plum colour, my favourite.

But the best part is the extra large size. My current one seems small at 120x140.

And this one is gigantic at 130x180. My bones and muscles need heat to repair.

I don't want to be without one so I could risk it and not buy and have it break down and then pay full price.

I don't think so, let's hope this one works like the first one, super soft and really effective.

Aside from that, I've seen some nice ankle booties for about £20 so all I'd contribute is £10 so not bad at all.

I think I'll also get some more face washes and a moisturiser. It will save my legs, walking around too much.

Only if I get good deals though. Hopefully none of them will use royal mail, just private couriers.

I wonder if they will give me Prime free. I tested the waters, pretended to check out..

At first they said half price Prime. I clicked off, finally decided what I wanted, did it again and free Prime for a month came up woop.

No pesky delivery costs. The blankie was £45 to £30. The L'oreal wrinkle expert moisturiser was £10 to £4.50.

(Wrinkles, ha what wrinkles? I don't have any, I just wanted a cheap cream).

Then these beautiful ice blue slippers were £7, no sale so altogether after the discounts, prime, giftcard.

I paid the grand total of £1.50 ouch lol.

I don't like getting spares when something still works but I hate being cold and the blankie has been on all day on high but still feels low, so I'm quite chilly.

I will try to take some pictures for Twitter, unless I'm too tired or the light is too low to see properly.

I just put the moisturiser on Twitter but had to use the old phone as the other is charging, not sure if it's clear.

It just came at lunchtime, no time frame. It's lightly scented. Generic sweetness.

Light and thick at the same time, not massively dense, medium maybe.

But it just absorbs into the face easily, feels light, not greasy and leaves it soft.

I'm not really suffering this winter aside from my nose, it's in good condition, mini pimples come and go and that's it.

But it's nice to get a premium moisturiser every once in a while, just to take special care of your face.

I consider these all gifts from Mama, the blankie, cream and slippers, all of which I needed.

I like it so far, the only thing that surprises me, it doesn't have the inner soft protection lid, I usually see, to stop it messing up the top.

But that's not a major concern, it just seemed unusual, it was nicely boxed up in a padded thick envelope parcel type.

The last thing I was looking for was the UC benefit letter to show the Optician as proof but I don't think I have one, so I just attached what I did have to email and can show that.

Tomorrow is the UC appointment, then I find out if there is one more before Christmas and if the next one is phone or in person.

Then the Optician in the afternoon, where for the first time in 2 years I'll wear two contact lens, one in each eye, at long last.

Ugh a long day, the blankie is out for delivery and I won't be home, unless it arrives before 1.30pm or hopefully when I get back.

Then I just bought the bakery Too Good To Go bag for £4 and I'm not even sure of the location.

I really don't like visiting too many places. I'll get sandwiches maybe from Tesco, Indian sweets next door.

Oh and had the UC phone appointment, easy but I still have one more before Christmas and not over the phone.

Pity. I was going to post this before I left, but in case anything happens will save it for later.

Ick I'm having such a bad hair and makeup day. I had an urge to do the green glitter eyes, but I don't have any.

The green eyeshadow I have isn't dark enough, so I added some reddy purple but because it's overcast I can't see a thing.

I decided not to do the hair oil, so I can retain some volume but it's sticking up and not smoothing down nicely at the front and back ugh.

Maybe I'll be saved if it rains.. Oh and what was the point of Prime with no timeframe?

Saving on postage is good but guessing when it will arrive, isn't.

I am so dumb, the Too Good To Go bakery wasn't where I thought, again, £4 wasted, feel like giving up on it.

Weirdly I saw other bakeries that were on the app but I was too tired to look.

It's really funny that I was checking the blankie delivery and it said I'm the next stop and I was still on the bus.

Maybe 5 or so 10 minutes later he arrived and I'll unbox it at some point but not today.

Even though I bought sandwiches, will have that later or tomorrow, I wanted hot food and saw a deal, 2x zinger meals for £15.

so added some chicken and wings and hopefully this one won't take an hour, I'll try a new cafe when it's daylight.

Oh the Optician was fine, they didn't ask to see the UC evidence just questioned me.

It irked me a lil when he asked, Oh it doesn't really matter if you wear one lens or two does it?

It bloody does, even though the right eye is just for decoration, very limited vision.

It's still seeing a full picture and not squinting. He put a soft lens in to do some tests and it felt nice but uncomfy having full vision.

But when he removed it, yikes he scratched my eye. It's not really hurting anymore but I'll douse it in drops later.

I think I got the meal deal from Tesco, snack, ribena drink and I got 2x sandwiches or wraps.

Caesar and Tandoori chicken ones looked nice, I didn't bother with the chicken sushi, it didn't have avocado.

I can't see the receipt. I dunno, some saving £3 or £4 who knows.

I expected that delay with the lens but maybe a full set and they have my email and phone number.

Ahh strangely enough royal mail attempted the slippers delivery at 2pm but of course I wasn't here.

So who knows when they will feel like re-posting. That's it for now.

I also remembered to get me and Mama scratchcards, a silly fun tradition we do over the holidays.

Once a year isn't bad.

#BlogLife980 - Old tv shows

Sorry for the silence, I was just feeling really rotten. Last night I was cramping and today was no better.

At least half the day, my tum was hurting. Binaural helped off and on. I switched between anti nausea, cramping and pmt videos.

I was browsing on amazon for the coats, saw a few I liked, then boots and slippers, good selections but not really on sale.

P and I will probably fade out, he's less chatty and feels like he's messaging me out of obligation or habit.

I'm not initiating, if someone isn't enthusiastic,  then neither am I. It's all since I called him out on his behaviour of being a user.

I feel like Mama is pressuring me to join her for Christmas. I'm still not in the mood.

I just want to be alone to be at peace and take care of myself.  No more stress or anyone making me feel low.

I'm just done really. The advents are draining but fun, some have games.

I wonder what it's like to fully let your guard down and welcome people in to your space?

I'm starting to think I'll never again do that.

I guess Iceland is running late as someone called and said we've not got the crisps in stock, would you settle for another flavour?

I quite like that, as I'm not stuck with something that I hate. Plus she's really polite and friendly.

An update on the face brush, I'm hazy as to whether I've mentioned this.

I wouldn't recommend it for sensitive skin, even the gentler brush is kinda harsh on the face.

I'm not sure why, it's not painful but you would prefer to be softer.

I don't know why it's like that and it uses up the face wash way too fast.

It's easier to put it directly on my face sometimes. There was something else I was going to mention but I can't recall it.

I'm re-watching an old show, Life Unexpected, it's a love/hate thing, good acting but the premise irritates you because cheating and using and being vicious is the recurring themes.

Basically a 15yr old girl wants to emancipate herself, she's having bad experiences in foster care but for the form, she has to seek out her birth parents which are not level headed people.

The judge gives them custody instead and as usual chaos ensues.

The baby mama has a thing for the baby papa but she acts superior, all the time, totally offputting.

She cheats and doesn't take responsibility, she's rather blame others for her poor choices.

Then the daughter, acts the same, cheats multiple times and is surprised when she's dumped.

Yuckity! I just want to see how it ends though, because I can't remember who ends up with whom lol.

Ick, it's like the writers said I can't be bothered to thaw this out, so we'll switch partners randomly with no rhyme or reason just to wrap it up the way we wanted.

As up until the last episode, they are all kinda set as couples and then fast forward, not so much, sloppy writing.

I guess they didn't expect to be cancelled and then panicked and thought, let's just write nonsense for the ending.

My L'Oreal moisturiser is out for delivery, surprising that was it only ready from 11/12pm and not time frame for a so-called prime slot.

It just says arriving today. The slippers is coming Wednesday and the blankie is due Thursday, please be a good quality.

Please work properly, don't be another bad quality one.

#BlogLife979 - Advent mayhem begins..

December is here at long last, so the first day of the advents, I enter on twitter and on the sites themselves.

Maybe 20-30 nowadays a lot less now that I don't use facebook.

The odds of winning are low but who doesn't love a freebie?

What a morning. I got up early, blindly cranked up the heating, went back to bed, didn't really sleep, had a few nightmares.

I was trying to pair the earbuds with the laptop, that didn't work, I restarted it and then realised, oops it's still paired with the phone, that I thought was off and charging.

I've paid the rent, done the UC stuff. Munched, no nausea, woop.

It took me ages to feel hungry so what I did, was warm the rest of the chicken soup, and was sipping it all morning, that was heavenly.

And now at 3pmish, probably the last meal/snacks of the day. I just prefer eating early, it digests early and I'm all good.

The most I might do is continue sipping water until my cut off point which is 8pm.

And I've finished the advent competitions for the day, and sent some to Mama, she likes the easy ones.

Unless I'm really hungry later or hormonal, that's my day done.

I finished one of the blink eyedrops, those were working well. Found an old other one but it was really stinging my eyes so I binned it.

Ugh for eye stuff, it's like only the branded expensive ones do any good.

Really annoying when you're trying to budget. I'm going to open a new one but if it stings, I just won't use it anymore.

With sensitive eyes and contact lenses, I feel like you have to be careful, I think they are prone to infections and burning, way easier.

Interesting I did my lil experiment, opened a new AaaproMel eye drop, the white bottle and no stinging.

So they must expire really quickly, I will use that out first and leave my quality Blink ones until later.

So even though most things were predicted to be delivered next week, the praline truffles were delivered today.

So the essential oils, truffles, divine nutty bar and fudge and then a gift card and that's Mama's lil Christmas hamper done.

I've just got her a Just Eat voucher, the rest seemed to be posted and I didn't want the neighbours getting their mitts on it.

#BlogLife978 - Soupy

As Iceland seemed to be sold out of all the tissues, no substitutes given, I had to do a mini zoom shop.

They were sold out of a few things I wanted like the Badedas shampoo but I did see the red Christmassy radox soak.

Also they've re-added sushi back to the £5 lunch deal but it was sold out. I got a beef sandwich instead, no egg or chicken available as I shopped late.

The tissues were on offer 2x £2.65 and I got a nivea cheap moisturiser 75ml for £2.55.

Plus the Convent Garden chicken soup was on sale 2x £3.50 and they cost £2.55 each.

I know I've bought it before, I hope I liked it, I didn't fancy the other flavours.

Oh yea that was odd, one of Mama's gift was delivered by a courier, on a Sunday..

It was the Divine dark bar fruit and nut. We both like divine and she doesn't mind fruits so before I could warn her it was coming, she opened it ha.

I mean I did look at most of the gifts she got me, bed socks, shampoo, gift card, cheetos, kisses, other stuff..

I just need slippers and maybe some fun scratchcards for Mama.

I can't believe I threw up again today, 4th time in 2 weeks.  I just can't seem to control the nausea, even the anti sickness video didn't work.

I feel generally fine, a bit bloated and tired but the nausea is coming and going, one day fine, the next day consumed by it.

I'm sure there are more things I need to buy, but it's slipped my mind for the moment.

Ohhh toothpaste and mouthwash.

Anyway just heated up the soup, enough for 2/3 portions. I remember when I was younger using soup instead of a hot drink to warm me up.

The cup of soup sachets. Slim a soup was my favourite chicken one, not because it was low calorie, it was really tasty and light.

The Covent Garden one reminds me of it the closest. It's light, lil creamy, delicate blend of flavours.

Onion, potato, chicken, cream, garlic, salt, black pepper ha. I don't really taste potato.

And I'm not especially hungry today, that's why I'm going light but filling.

I'm sipping it like cocoa. It's freezing today, it was quite sunny earlier but so cold that it doesn't feel like the heating is on or the blankie.

I would definitely get this again. I should be more adventurous and branch out to others.

I hate wasting money on food though.

Oof I feel the pmt bloating symptoms. Sorry I'm posting this late, I totally forgot to be honest.

Oh all of Mama's gifts are delivered apart from the praline truffles and dying to find out, if she likes them..

She said while the postie is delivering to the wrong address I can send it to her place for the meantime.

I'm not sure what to spend her giftcard on. A new coat? A new thicker nightie?

Slippers? Socks? Lip balm? Eye drops? or ankle booties. Hmm I've no idea.

#BlogLife977 - Baggy for the bagless?

I don't know if I mentioned this here on the blog or just twitter but Iceland is going bagless which means a lot of bending picking up items one by one.

It's really going to be painful so what I will do is bring carrier bags to the door and see if the driver will re-pack it into bags because otherwise it's going to be really painful.

Unpacking the shopping is already taxing for me. I got to remember to bring a bag with me for the Optician appointment and the UC letter.

Mind you I should have space in the bags from the Tesco, jalebi shop..

On that day, I will have to think energetical thoughts. 2x buses going and 3x back, if I do the Too Good To Go.

It's a very basic bakery, seems limited and small but maybe it's appetising.

To make sure I've got the right location as I'm passing it on the way, I'll look for it again.

Mind you I have to book it in the morning anyway, I don't even know if it's worth it.

A few years ago Iceland did these mini apple pastry thingys that were outstanding.

This year it seems like a chocolate hazelnut version. 12x chocolate and hazelnut churros for £2.50.

The churro versions I've tried, I haven't liked, bitter overcooked, dryness.

But hopefully these will be tastier and I'll be controlling the temperate, 7 minutes apparently..

I didn't end up getting it. I saw the Victoria biccys on sale for £3 from £4.50 for a huge bumper box, too good to ignore.

It looks like cookies and choccy biccies which will last ages.

I've decided what to get Mama for Christmas some lemon and lavender essential oils as she's run out.

It was buy 3 get 3 free so £15 which sounds a lot but less than £3 each.

We'll end up sharing them. Plus a gift voucher for a supermarket or Just Eat.

Then maybe nutty chocs or snacks of some kind. We did the kitkat bundle, the coconut ice and fudge..

The Green & Black chocolates, what's next? She's not a fan of mint, like I am.

But she does like dark chocolate, she loved the dark truffles I got her.

Oh more fudge maybe? I got her the Bon Bons brand she prefers, Cocoa Loco dark chocolate praline truffles..

And Divine dark chocolate fruit and nut. Not cheap at all but these are gifts so it needs to be special, regardless of the price tag, ouch.

Ahh ok, Iceland doesn't start doing bagless until next week. The biccys were in stock, I uploaded to Twitter (@SleeplessScrib1) you know it already..

I got those mini pizza bites and it reminds me of eating a stuffed crust, although I've never had one.

Bready, thick, cheese and tomato but in a patty shape, mini calzone I guess.

Delicious as I've always liked the pizza crust, as long as it's tasty.

Decided to try Richmond chicken sausages for something different, my first choice was crown farm but it was double the price.

The Richmond umm, I've been craving gravy. I'll eventually try the turkey one maybe..

It tastes like gravy, not exactly the chicken flavour I was expecting.

It's ok but not sure I would get it again, I think the frankfurter versions of non vegan sausages, tend to taste better.

The Fox's biccy's are high quality and quite big, tried the cookie one and a choccy one, tasty.

#BlogLife976 - What do I want for Christmas? The gift of sight

The last major thing on my to do list was to make the Optician appointment and I finally did it.

They had sent me dozens of reminders but with injuries, the buses not running and general fatigue, I wasn't up to trekking.

It's on the same day as the UC phone appointment, that's in the morning at 10amish..

So I made this one for 2pm. I don't like afternoon appointments but it seemed the only day and earliest time available.

I suppose the good thing is, I can pick up pakoras and jalebis and fish and chips if I fancy it.

The only other things I need is probably, a pair of slippers, lip balm and definitely a moisturiser.

I could also get sandwiches or pasta from the big Tesco, she did warn me between 1pm-2pm they're closed for lunch, so don't arrive early, eeek.

My poor legs but if it means I can browse for a bit then get to rest, that should be fine.

It's better I pick up food and then have the appointment, finally order my missing contact lens, that will probably arrive in January...

I'm sure it's been 2 years with 1 contact lens, struggling to see, but it's harder and harder to get replacements now.

No spare glasses, no spare lens, ugh. At least the pedicure and brows are done, I can go straight home.

Although this is a prime time for Too Good To Go app purchases.

There is a bakery but I don't know if I'll be up to stopping and getting it.

It's from 2pm-3pm and costs £4 for a bag that's worth £12 plus it's highly rated.

Supposedly bread or pastries or both. I don't want white bread and I don't want pork or lamb or prawn sandwiches.

Actually they might not do sandwiches, if it's just dessert, it seems like a good deal.

I should do it, if that offer is still going, after I spend money, I get £3.50 free.

I will try to ignore the pain and backache and do it. It does seem the easiest one to get too.

I prefer Pret that does sandwiches but what if I get all pork?? It's so risky.

I tried out Iceland's Shanghai beef noodles £2.50, I didn't like it, smothered in sauce, quite salty.

2x bits of piece that was actually soft and tasty but the sauce ruined it, the noodles were fine too, I would not get that again.

I forgot I ordered the crispy beef and onion pancakes, I think I used to like them.

I've not tried the Iceland version. I think I bought the Findus brand previously.

Ooh they are tiny, 4 in a box for £1 and it's really tasty for a snack or as part of a meal.

Soft mince and I should have crisped it by cooking it longer than 10 minutes but I was famished.

Something different out of the normal purchases.

#BlogLife975 - My tongue is on fire

I don't think I'm going to vomit, I think the food will digest properly.

I finished the dinky spring rolls, I had to eat something to calm my mouth.

He said the raita wasn't spicy, yowser he lied, my face is on fire. It started off fine.

The bread, the naan is so soft, must be freshly made, there was shredded lettuce inside, no red cabbage boo, but at least no tomato.

It's kinda bland and tasty at the same time, needs more seasoning, next time, just mayo, yeesh.

Well that is one way to warm up... Actually I don't think I'll order more, I'm full.

He actually said do you want 1 or 2 kebabs and they are huge, I'm so glad I said one.

It's pretty big for the price and I guess worked out to £1/£2. Strange.

All I had later was the instant noodles Koka original chicken tasty.

I cooked it for 6 minutes and used a lot of water but that evaporated and I realised I would have preferred it more soupy, watery.

I just didn't have the energy to top it up but I'm glad I retried it. I think I've had it before, not sure, I try to use a lot of different brands.

A tip for anyone using binaural beats, I'm starting to find it doesn't always work well on a low volume.

It's mainly background noise and I might be playing music or asmr because the anti video in particular is creepy.

I associate it with horror films and as soon as I start feeling really sick, I stop munching, stop what I'm doing, raise the volume and try to relax.

That just seems to be more effective for me.

One last foodie review before I forgot again. I really enjoyed the softish sweets.

It wasn't sour as some comments said, half sweet, half not so sweet lol.

Fruity and a tiny burst of juice. Bebeto forest fruits, liquid gummies.

It was only £1 for a 130g bag, quite big and chunky and lots inside.

I would get that again. The McVitie Moments, I am not a fan of that range.

It just seems like diet biscuits, not very sweet, needs more sugar.

The cinnamon and spice flavour nice but too light. It's not tasty enough.

It's good value £1 for a 150g block but that's the only highlight. Rubbish.

#BlogLife974 - Brain trauma 20 years later

Although I still don't want to talk about what happened, when the dwp asks questions, it takes me back and I have to phone Mama for clarity because there is memory loss and my brain sought to protect me from all the pain, physical and mental.

I didn't think I was concussed or maybe I forgot but the paralysis was there and the inability to communicate.

That's all I can share. Even reliving it with Mama just now was completely debilitating. I want to run to a happy place but there isn't one.

I just want to get this started before I go back to the past and fill in details to a bully, who has everything she needs but keeps making me relive the most harrowing details of my life, floating between life and death.

It's done and there's nothing really to cushion the blow. I was barely able to function, living in a bed, grieving and fearing my family home, full of monsters.

Everything associated with that time is hazy. Tomorrow/today is the UC appointment.

I wonder how pissed he'll be, I only applied for one of the crappy jobs, that is not work from home and is about 1hr30-2hours travelling time, one way...

It kills me to travel 15 minutes. Does he care? Nopee. Oh I think the second avon cleanser is done.

It's hurting to squeeze out the last bit. How long did it last? The same thing, about 3 weeks, not great really.

This last one seems faintly scented, maybe like honey? I quite like how they make my skin feel.

But I don't like the general lack of smell and the fact they only last 3 weeks, not the usual month.

The mask seems good too, although my nose is still dry and peeling, the rest of my face is smooth.

A few bumps but not really acne as such. I don't really need to shop tomorrow but I should buy food to eat.

I might pop in to the cafe or Tesco, will see, sometimes I'm too empty.

Or maybe I will try the stall. I want to budget but how do you combat that against feeling lifeless and just needing to lie down?

Ok back home from a 10.45am appointment, he wasn't even there, was told I have to go upstairs and then when I refused..

Pfft wait to be seen then, maybe about 5ish minutes, not as bas as last time, she was fairly nice.

But then waited maybe 10-15minutes for the dreaded cv appointment, I had no knowledge of.

So she said send me the cv? How can I when it's home in the storage..

To be honest she was fairly cool, so nice in fact that I let slip I was a writer, ugh...

I keep that private, that's my baby, away from the chaos, she lit up and said add it in, no bloody way.

I didn't have time for Tesco, so popped to the stall where even though I told him multiple times the other side gave me spring rolls and add it to the bill.

The chicken naan wrap and those cost £4 it seemed like. I gave him £20 and got £15 or £16 back in change.

Aren't they supposed to be £3 each? Definitely for the spring rolls..

I don't care, my back is seizing, there was no seat coming or going.

I'm craving fries and a sandwich but Pret is out of the chicken baguette.

I'm gonna munch, wait til after 4pm when the crappy landlordy, gas person isn't lurking and order more because I'm sore.

I have things to do, check the post and empty the bins, the uc stuff but my back is aching as are my hands gripping onto the bus handle so tightly.

I've got the anti nausea on, I should have got a fizzy drink, my tum tum is calm, but this morning I was on the verge of vomiting.

I don't know why it's so strong at the moment. Ahh bliss, the next December UC appointment is a phone one and maybe the last of the year??

Probably not ha, wishful thinking and yes I posted the dwp letter.

Cripes, I have to set up the heating blankie too, it's freezing and it will help my back but I can't be bothered.

So what I've learned is, right now, movements are a no no. The pain is going to climb, until I rest.

Pity I'm not sleepy. This is the sucky thing and why I rely on takeout, I can't bloody move!!

There's more to ramble about but I can't think. I have to relax, game, watch foodie videos, eat and then do the rest of the burdensome responsibilities.

#BlogLife973 - Am I crazy yet?

Oof it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed as it's soo cold.

I texted P he should carry me to the thermostat ha. He programmes his via text.

There's probably a way to do that but if I tried, would probably mess up the boiler so not going to bother.

I forgot to mention this yesterday, I finally discovered where that original coffee/sandwich too good to go place is located.

The one with the shocking hygiene rating, it's just before the turn in to the market.

The strange thing with that place is, it's very highly rated but the risk of food poisoning is too great, plus too awkward to get too.

Also I don't know if I've lost it completely but the bakery that used to be next to the pedicure place has mysteriously moved across the street..

Why on earth would you do that? I was going to pop in because I needed desserts and snacks and suddenly it's not conveniently located.

It's not near the bus stop and is not near a crossing. I could walk a bit but it's not worth it.

Maybe they are expanding and that place is bigger? But there store seemed huge anyway..

Also it no longer looks like a bakery, more like a furniture store, perhaps they haven't fully switched over?

Very strange. No mention of a re-opening either. Or notice of a move?!

People are odd, wouldn't they just lose their customer base? I'd assume they had closed down, not relocated.

Today I thought I would get up, put the heating on and maybe fall back asleep.

It was on for hours and didn't make any difference, I was still freezing.

There's no point disturbing my sleep then, once I open my eyes, that's usually it, can't get back to sleep, unless it was a rough night.

I'm still feeling that morning sickiness but the binaural beats helps.

Eek I just got a big scare.The groceries were due from 10amish..

And I woke at 8ish but didn't get out of bed or put on my contact lens and then at 9am, loud buzzing.

It was Iceland, yeesh scared me. I had to quickly let them into the main door and then ask Who is it?

But when he answered, usually the same guy, he apologised and said running early, sorry to wake you.

Ugh my hair was sticking up. I hadn't brushed or washed my face, yuckity.

Weirdly enough he handed me some letters, why don't people re-post, like I do?

I'm sure there is one from the Witch. I got some new things to try so will do foodie reviews later.

I don't know why I was immaturely ignoring my post. I think I said to myself, enough is enough, sick of being harassed.

But it's the government, can't exactly say stop bullying me. They will do what they like.

It's too early to munch but there are some new foodie videos to watch from Kbd and Greeno Eats.

The Gary Eats channel has formed a new collaboration. I think he got bored of solo reviews and teamed up.

He couldn't abandon his original channel as it's so popular, he claims that he was going to stop altogether because he's mature and it's too much....

I think that's a lie because he's given himself more work, hosting two channels...

That makes no sense. My fear, he wants to slowly kill off the orginal channel and get everyone to migrate over.

It doesn't have the same magic or cosiness to me. I've seen some of the new stuff but it doesn't seem as appealing.

If he was gonna to work with anyone, I would have preferred it was Greeno.

But it's his life and he can do whatever he likes to feel lighter and fulfilled.

I cleaned the laptop over the weekend, there was nonstop flies, even more so than in summer, very irritating.

I promised myself as soon as Monday came I would open the letters so that's what I will do.

Plus I didn't realise the idiot UC advisor, instead of giving me the usual fortnight appointment, as the last one was last week.

He's given me one for tomorrow, I have to hustle and do the specified applications and somehow upload it.

Also the bloody landlord gas thing has said Oh are you free tomorrow?

Noooo, I'm busy, yeesh, well I've read the letter and it's more DWP questions so I will answer as best as I can.

I don't think I need to send anymore statements. The theory is right that they have the information and answers but just want to continue harassing me.

It just keeps saying the decision maker, needs more details but they know everything, so why keep asking?

Maybe it's a good thing I'm out tomorrow, I won't have to specifically go out for one thing, I can multi task.

I'll post it tomorrow. Gosh that took ages and he didn't even give me the upload link, what a twit.

Only one was available the other was filled, oops. I'm shattered.

It's 3pm and only now I have time to eat, except no real appetite.

But I need to munch, I'm frozen. I don't know if the boiler is fritzing again.

I've had it on all day and it is working but it just seems low and it's the same with the blankie.

Both are really high, I'm shivering. Anyway, I'm heating up some pasta bolognese.

I can't be bothered to do the toasties. Almost everything is done, just need to fill in the form.

Again apologies for the irregular posting but I just can't seem to get my head right.

The more I push myself to write, the harder it becomes until my brain goes on strike and evaporates.

Next month will be the advents, there is very lil time as it is.

The microwave just pinged, time to munchy..

#BlogLife972 - Beautilicious

I am frozen still waiting for the heating to kick back on and the blankie.

Had the idiotic UC appointment and maybe he assumed I had seen the specialist cv person as he said Oh yea your cv is fine, such bs.

I knew there was nothing wrong with it, proof they spout nonsense to give you pointless things to do.

Then he said, prove that you're applying by uploading applications, that's easy enough but suddenly my word isn't good enough and all the journal uploads I do.

Can't wait for the Christmas break next month. I was in a weird mood, the lil Tesco is back open but I had no appetite for anything so didn't bother.

Then decided to punish my body and walked down to get the £8 eyebrow shape, felt so much better after.

Then I walked even further and just went ahead to go and get the pedicure, 2x massages, scrub and cream, the chair massage was great actually.

By that time, my whole body was in a state of seizing up and tiredness.

But it needed to be done and because time was getting on, I didn't bother get the fish and chips or the pakoras or gulabs, jalebis or ladoos.

I knew even though my body was doing well to control the pain, it was gonna hit me..

I was unlucky with not getting a seat on the buses, so that didn't help.

Suddenly waves of dizziness and nausea were hitting me, felt better when I got home, had water, kept playing the anti nausea and I'm recovered somewhat now.

I got kfc because I was empty and walking was hurting too badly.

I can't stop yawning but it's way too early to sleep. I took my makeup off but might wash my face again before bed incase the makeup is still lingering.

I'm coming up to BlogLife 1k which is quite an achievement for me.

I should do something special for that. I don't have the energy to think right now.

Music definitely helped me today, kept my spirits up. I had some triggers that could have caused a panic attack.

But I managed to keep calm.

What could I do? A Q&A? A new story? I should be original...

I have no clue. I guess it still surprises me that people around the world are still invested about hearing about my life.

I'm very ordinary and if I didn't come up with BookLife and BlogLife and AgonyLife, this blog would have ceased to continue.

I just felt empty, not creative and inspired. I was grasping for something to hit me.

I'll try to make it special. I can't say if it will be this year or next. I have too much on my mind..

#BlogLife971 - Nothing more to me, Gamer/Writer is all

Ok, turns out I was slightly peckish. I grabbed the chicken tzatziki one with olives, tomato (yuckity), feta cheese and luckily it was in 2 halves and very pricey at £5 something..

But actually, it's delicious, it all works well together and I don't even like chicken and cheese together, except on pizza.

Or sometimes lightly spread on a sandwich. Anyway I picked out the tomato and would actually highly recommend it, the sauce plays well too.

I think this is the first time seeing olives in a sandwich, I used to add them at home to salads and sandwiches and wraps for extra flavour.

It's probably discontinued but my favourite sandwich from Sainsbury was lemon chicken, so rare but so good.

Quick add on, the southern fried chicken wrap was ok, had coleslaw inside it, I wouldn't get that again.

There was limited meal deals but mostly sold out. I forgot to get cake, I might try Asda next time, when I'm in a bind for groceries.

Think I prefer zoomy for the value. This is the second time using the new Avon mask, spreads ok, feels tight on the face.

I can't remember how my skin feels afterwards. I thought being hormonal I would break out more..

I think the mask is helping with the acne, I don't think I have any. Aside from my nose which is dry and peeling, the rest of my face is smooth.

I tried the bang bang chicken with rice, found it a bit dry and dull, I would not get that again.

I've been wanting to try some tandoori chicken strips that have been in Iceland but they haven't been in stock until now.

Maybe they will arrive or be sold out. Sorry I haven't been blogging, just haven't been inspired at all.

I'm living in my head cycling through the same imaginary story with different twists that I'm not transferring onto a page.

I got into a new game that is really addictive Word Associations, I wasn't sure I would like it.

But it's surprisingly challenging. They throw rows of words and you have guess and list them as to what they have in common.

Sometimes they merge into a picture and then it's hard to remember what the picture represents.

To be honest, I've used the hint a lot, you have to watch an advert.

Some do not make sense to me and some words I have to googly because I've never heard of them but it's interesting and simple and I like wordy stuff :)

The tandoori strips are nice good flavour, I'm not sure if it's quite tandoori but tasty enough, probably just needs a lil dip with it.

I've got the UC appointment tomorrow and immaturely been avoiding checking the post.

If he is there tomorrow I wonder if he will give me a new cv appointment? Twit!

I'm trying to watch more of the Passionflix films, some are not spicy but interesting romcoms.

I just saw The Will that was good, not as depressing as I thought and a fun pairing.

Not spicy but interesting.

#BlogLife970 - Playtime app uninstall

I had a look and saw some new things to try, so ordered them for tomorrow.

Pizza chicken wedges, whatever those are. 10x £2.50, salt and pepper chicken wings £3.75.

Bang bang thai chicken with rice £4.25 and peri peri chicken stir fry £4.

Baileys has a whole range of things. Ugh I keep cramping. I started monthly so not surprised I feel delicate.

I finally got the £20 on Playtime, then tried to cashout, they want a photo to verify I'm human, no way, these apps are collecting lots of private information.

I'm uninstalling, irritating advert games with lil playability anyway. I left my appalled review and probably will eventually try another app maybe..

The chicken wedge thingys weren't potato, just triangle breaded chicken, nice enough, not sure I would get it again.

Ugh at the weekend I got this £10 off grocery shop on Just Eat, one day only and I thought, pfft, I don't need anything.

I assumed yea yea fully stocked up on sanitary towels, checked the cupboards, I had only 2 half packs, yeesh.

Considering there's only 9 per pack and I'm heavy, needed to stock up asap.

Thought I would try Sainsbury's on Just Eat, as they had no minimum order and surprisingly were rated 5 stars which is unheard of with grocery places.

I can see why now, he came in 17 minutes, didn't get lost, didn't call for directions.

The delivery fee was 50p, service charge £2 pfft, pricey but I think the quote was higher maybe £2 extra.

My stuff was light, 3x pads, a southern fried chicken wrap and a chicken tzatziki one, unusual.

I have no appetite so that will be for later or tomorrow. It's a pity they didn't have a cheap tissue box, they were expensive.

And I was tempted by the chicken katsu sushi but didn't bother. I was more in the mood for avocado something..

Asda had butter chicken samosas but a lower rating overall.

Oh you know what's interesting, Sainsbury had the festive chicken too but all theirs had pork, tsk tut.

The neighbours decided to bother me again, at 9.30pmish, knocking on my door....

Who does that?? I just ignored the creepy person, they steal my post, park their bikes, block my path and then what...?

You want a favour? Buzzing my door at all hours of the day and night??

Sod off!!! 

I could have done with a lot more sleep but I figured incase the landlord is lurking, I will just order early and avoid them.

Worked a treat. I'll share more foodie reviews when I try things out.

I finally checked 7 Cups volunteer site because I think it said I had messages and even though, I'm not in the mood for people.

I also don't like ignoring anyone either. It's hard putting my needs first but it's beneficial.

2 of my acquaintances had been wanting to check up on me and I don't want to stress them so I added a lil update.

Then I wrote something to release the tension, a vague explanation of sorts.

I can't go into details but at least I can say Yea, not feeling great, highly stressed and worried about my health.

I also added that I don't want to talk or explain myself and that when I'm delicate, particularly pain wise, I retreat and hide away from further exploitations.

At least they can see where my head it at, not personal and I think I tagged them both just to reassure them.

I mean I don't really feel ok, I can't say that I'm good but I'm doing what I can.

I had one membered that had messaged me, eek, poor thing so I apologised and said I wasn't taking any chats at present and referred them on.

I mean it all feels selfish still but I have a right to take care of myself.

The pedicure and optician appointment and brows are definitely off the table for now.

Those might not happen until next year. Oh well.

#BlogLife969 - I must be more productive..

I was hoping for a lot more sleep, I think I kept waking up again, but chunks of rest is at least something.

I'm craving cheesy gooey toasties, I might add marmite to it. It's freezing so waiting for the heating to kick in, plus got to unwrap and switch on the blankie.

I got to fully unpack the bag Mama handed over, or should I wait for Christmas?

I already spotted cheetos and Hershey's kisses. Oh my goodness, when we used to holiday in Iceland with family, that's where we discovered them.

And everytime relatives would visit they would bring some, I thought it was native to Iceland and who knew there were different flavours?

For anyone unfamiliar, it's a lil chocolate in the shape of erm, half an hourglass, or a lil mountain or a lil bottle lol.

I don't know which version she bought me, hopefully one with nuts but I haven't had them, since I was a youngster.

I wonder if these will be proper cheetos, crunchy crisps, our UK version is a lot softer, more like wotsits.

No UC cv appointment, so it must be next week, I hope he forgets to book it, I'm shattered.

I still got loads of pakoras left, oilier and not as crunchy, but totally delicious and fresh.

For some reason this time the dip was spicier, I prefer it mild.

Oh I tried the teriyaki itsu bao buns, quite bland actually. I was expecting better seasoning.

I would not get that again, I'm curious about the soup dumplings but I've never seen the chicken ones in stock.

2 minutes cooking time wasn't enough, 4 minutes was better. I'm quite stuffed from the toasties.

I tried the Hershey's kisses, lovely chocolately taste, plain but still good.

The cheetos are magnificent, these are all childhood favourites from when we vacationed abroad, so it reminds me of my younger days, munching these different flavours.

I put an image on Twitter, I might upload more, there's an envelope, which I will save for Christmas.

Plus other stuff I'll let you know about later. At least my stomach has stopped flip-flopping, I don't think I'll be sick like yesterday.

I'll try to drink more today. Nope the food stayed down, I'm incredibly bloated but famished and thirsty but I think sipping the ice water helped.

Plus I had a pepsi, I ran out of cold water so had that, I think it helped my tum anyway.

I keep saying I'll find a way to put the stress and illness aside and yet I can't seem to compartmentalise it.

It's just always there. The only time I seem to relax is when I'm gaming or there's a uniquely entertaining random.

What will it take for me to write more, finish the stories and be consistent?

I have no idea. I just feel overwhelming trapped in a type of confinement, where I'm locked in place and not free to be creative.

If I escape to la la land, is that embracing insanity or is protecting myself from other people's harming nature?

So in la la land. I'm married and the guy has all the responsibilities on his shoulders, not mine.

There's noone haunting me, in dreamland or when I'm awake.

I'm left to my devices, to write or not too write.

There's a calm quietness but it's not eerie. I don't jump out of my skin when the phone rings or when the doorbell goes.

I guess it would mean, I'm in a safe environment. I'm accepted for who I am, nobody is asking me to change or be more than I'm capable.

And I have my freedom back and my mind, it's no longer held hostage.

It's a much nicer place to dwell, I feel serene even writing it.

I guess the pressure is finally off. Love or something akin to it, has healed me or maybe I healed myself?!

I wonder if this feeling will last until tomorrow..?

#BlogLife968 - I don't fancy You

Song of the day - Bobby Brown - On Our Own

I picked this song, probably had it before because I was tiredly strutting past builders try to get energised, cool funky soon, made it home because of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZpr4qQzeI0

Before I forget, had a tiny bite of that iced chocolate fudge cake, holy moly..

Very dense, sweet but not sickly, intense flavour of fudge and chocolate, not in the mood for pudding but had to try it, divine and soft, absolutely no dryness.

I had the sandwich and still hungry but not enough to get up, not sure whether to go for pasta or the dumplings or the bao??

Decisions, decisions, only the teriyaki bao is new for me, I wonder if I'll like it?

Feels like ages since I've done reviews, it's fun trying new things, even if sometimes it doesn't live up to the hype..

The biscuits remind me of nairn, like a dry oatcake, but nairn is way tastier and cheaper.

I did try to cook a lil teriyaki bao but I left it in the oven too long and it hardened, my fault so not much flavour.

2x minutes is probably the sweet spot, they say 1 minute but prefer to give extra time.

I don't know if the lil Tesco will have it but I saw a chicken and trimmings sandwich, no pork..

And chicken tikka samosas so those would be fun, there's a mango chicken and a pesto one too..

I think it's just struggling with the pain and energy, when I get in, I want to unwrap something and relax, not stand there waiting for something to heat up.

I try to play loud party music and get myself energised but 5 minutes away, just feels like a huge path to trek too.

I know it sounds ridiculous but that's what it is, when you're sick you're sick.

Least I don't have to wash my hair tomorrow. I should go for the pedicure or get my brows done finally but the distance away keeps putting me off.

Oh Too Good Too Go app, says after my next purchase, I'll get £3.50 to spend on an order.

So essentially, will have gotten my money back after all. I have to pick a day, I'm well rested and the back, legs and feet aren't hurting.

Tomorrow lunchtime meeting Mama. Oh I think there meal deal is around £4ish, drink, snack and sandwich.

Maybe I'll get a wrap. Ok just got home, ugh now that the roads are finally open, Tesco is closed.

So annoying I wanted to browse and have fun, looking at what is new.

I wonder when they will re-open, it's all taped up and restricted for some reason.

I don't know if there was an incident or road works or what.

Anyway meeting Mama was actually fun, neither of us were hungry, my tummy won't stop churning.

So we sat and talked and she's getting the heating discount too.

She said she tried a Greek restaurant but they were quite rude regarding the Too Good To Go app, she wouldn't go there again.

No one is forcing you to advertise on the app, you tits! No reason to be disrespectful.

I don't know if eating will make me feel better or vomit. Even a fizzy appletiser didn't help, though I left most of it.

Mama didn't get the pakoras at the rude place we normally visit, they had issues, but she said near Sainsbury's is a good alternative, although it's far.

Plus I told her about the food truck and she was so happy she loaded up for us ha.

I offered money but she said she didn't want or need it. The food smells so good.

I wish I could nap but got the UC stuff to do. I wasn't sure if I wanted pakoras, holy moly it's tasty.

I better get a drink and keep sipping, while I play anti nausea in the background.

I don't know if I'll blog tomorrow, I feel depleted and so sickly. I can't wait to wash off the makeup.

Oh one of the randoms was behaving really rudely, I don't know if it's the same one I added to discord.

I'm in no mood for it. He was saying, be careful other women want me, like stay on your toes, I know you really like me.

See I can't stand arrogance and deep insecurity, unless you add humour to it, like I do.

I replied she/they could have him, I have moved on and he just carried on, like, no you like me too much.

To say something like that, you have to be really sure of yourself, really read the other person and know that they are hooked.

I can take or leave randoms, so I blocked him. When it's not fun anymore and your ego is up your arse, you're dismissed.

Next........!