#BlogLife996 - Happy New Year - Resolutely no resolutions

Finally the end of the month/year is here and I'm not giddy because I'm going out partying, not my thing, but go enjoy yourselves if it's yours.

No the reason I'm pleased it's here, is I can finally do a deep protein conditioning treatment for these uncomfy lenses that have had me streaming tears daily.

I hope it helps and they become bearable again, because the vision is amazing, but the rest is not great.

Also since I got the lenses I've used so much of the eye drops, I've finished a whole bottle in 2 and a half weeks, yeesh.

I have a strong feeling that is one cause of the dry skin around my eyes, I feel like my face is reacting to it.

It feels mostly ok today but I'm going to have to let the moisturiser sit for longer on my face before I rinse it off, I should do it now actually as I haven't done the face brush yet.

The water takes ages to run warm, it's freezing so after having it on for what seems like ages but is only minutes, I can't always be bothered to wait.

Yesterday I finished the Nivea cream that lasted me.. Wowser 10 and a half months..

Insane, that doesn't sound right but I bought it in February and I guess because it's so thick, I wasn't using much so it stretched out a long time.

It's better as a body cream but when I used it on my elbows it didn't seem moisturising enough.

When I use it on my face, it's a heavy greasy mess that sits there.. But it was hydrating.

I feel like we should do some reminiscing. I try not to repeat myself even though I do it.

But coming up to the 1k BlogLife has me thinking about when I got started and thought it's not going to appeal to many, UK only for sure..

No-one international will be interested and then right from the start the opposite happened..

Very lil UK interest and it reached an international audience. We can all relate to the struggles.

So I have to Thank You all. I'm not sure if I would continue if I was hardly getting any reads, at some point it was the case and I figured what was the point, if no-one is listening/reading, just like in real life..

It made me feel empty and unheard.

But then I'll write something and it seems to spark interest and spirals into reading more, which I'm grateful for.

But then on the other hand, I'm not really writing for people, I'm doing it to heal, to grow as a person and try to be whole again.

And as for the stories and fiction, well that's a whole different part of me.

The blogging is insecurity, stress and confusion..

The fiction is separate, I guess it's hope. Lost in a transformative world that I hope I can create and make it fun and quirky and different, for a lil while at least.

I have a strong feeling I'll finish a story and post for the 1k milestone.

I seem to need that pressure to write somehow or at least to finish it.

I guess with the blog, I don't care if I'm liked but I want to be respected and found interesting.

With the fiction, I guess I want to take my audience on a journey.

I want them to smile, giggle and react to it. I think that's what I'm trying to constantly achieve and feeling like I don't quite hit the mark..

So trying to write becomes harder because I'm not sure how to get better or at least be content with it.

Because as confusing as it sounds, I like my writing for me, but for others, it's not quite up to the high standards I set myself.

Maybe I'll write a fictional autobiography of what I hoped my life would turn out to be... One day..

I don't know if I'll finish one of the many stories sitting there, or write something from scratch again..

It doesn't seem quite right, to release a Christmas story in January..... Or does it??

#BlogLife995 - Record beat/First came crampages

Well despite being up and down, I finally beat last years 192 posts record and this will make 194 if it gets published.

These cramps are wrecking my brain. I had a few topics in mind and woosh it's gone.

Mini break, munching and UC stuff...... Be right back..

Reading through my emails I remembered, I signed up to My Happy Street, it's a copycat of Pick My Postcode..

You enter your street name and see if it comes out daily, plus there is an ecard or survey draw and maybe another one..

Free is free, I thought I would take a look but here is the catch... 

Ha, hilarious, they want you to sign up to spammy websites, in order to get an entry into the draw and that's not even possible as it won't let you register.

I picked the simplest one and it didn't work so it's a thumbs down for me, no thanks and despite opting out of emails....

Yep you guessed it, they keep emailing.... I don't recommend it, unless you want to be hassled..

I actually do feel a bit better after munching the olives and hula hoops appetisers.

As much as I crave chocolate during pmt times, my stomach craves salt or starchy carbs, fries really make it happy.

It's only just after 11amish now. I'm going to put a chicken or beef burger together with the lil gem lettuce and the onion and garlic dip.

One of those should calm the tum down and maybe cashews later or some chocs.

They are sold out of the almonds unfortunately. Oh that was it, I'm gutted, they had the After Eight mini fondants, going at half price, I could have picked up 2 bags but completely sold out...

I've still got the Quality Street anyway, getting down to the toffee soon ha.

Oh and the other reason for the lettuce, some have suggested using it instead of rolls and having your sandwich like that.

I can see myself, washing some leaves and dipping it into the onion and garlic dip too.. (delicious).

As strange as this sounds, the lettuce made it, crunchy kinda depth to it with a drizzle of the dip, tiny bit of butter, bit of cheese, ended up with a steak burger, nothing was accessible in the freezer ha..

But the lil bit of sweetness from the raisins, made it extra tasty. I am so stuffed now, it was small but really good.

The nice thing about the baby lettuce, you don't need to chop it up, just pull off some leaves, wash them and you're good to go, very easy for my hands.

This third days of cramps isn't as killer as the first two days, it's been off and on but mostly hasn't bothered me.

Because I haven't needed to race and put the anti nausea or anti cramps videos on, I've been playing foodie videos instead.

And munching pistachios and haribo, the supermix one is my new favourite, softer like jelly babies and the other sweet ones.

I finally wrangled the spicy chicken steaks out and made the burgers, I thought I would prefer these, and they were nice but the beef was nicer ha.

My skin is starting to dry out, I don't know if it's from me overwashing, or does it not like the new products?

I'm trying to moisturise but sometimes I forget..

#BlogLife994 - Are you alone?

Song of the day - Marcia Miranda - Letter To Mama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MGd65v3S1c

So now that my supplies have gone down, I can finally do a grocery shop for tomorrow.

I'm just trying to recall what I need and/or what I want to feast on..

I decided to get that onion and garlic dip for the burgers and some baby lettuce to beef up the sandwich and make it more filling.

They were sold out of the cheesy peppers but I got some olives and for a change teacakes, which are raisin type rolls but bigger than normal.

Unfortunately not in wholemeal version but I wanted something different, I was gonna buy 2x packs but bought 1 so I wouldn't waste any.

Plus some beef and chicken for the filling and crackers for snacks and lots of nuts of course to graze on.

Sometimes when listening to binaural beats to heal or lessen the pain, you have to cycle through a few to find one that helps the most.

I put on anti nausea, nope, put on menstrual cramps, nope, the muscle one I use for foot cramps, actually was the best one for the pain.

My tummy has been hurting since I got up really painfully but listening to that one, makes it bearable.

I didn't want to do anything just curl up and wait for it to pass but I had stuff to do and it will probably assist me more now that, hours later the blankie is heating up properly.

I was tempted to get some fizzy lemonade but no I was good, sipping on plain water.

I still have that 2 stone to lose or maybe it's one. I want to measure myself when I'm having a flat morning not when I'm bloaty bloaty..

Yesterday I was watching The Muppets, that adult version documentary type show, with the recent Piggy/Kermit breakup but in the end they reconcile.

I grew up with them, screaming at the television Oh just kiss and make up you nitwits..

For puppets they seemed more human that actors/actresses. Maybe because they made you laugh one minute and feel sad the next, with the exposed vulnerabilities..

I'm trying out Kellog's chocolate cereal bar version, they were on sale £1, saving 25p ha, 4x pack.

and Crown Farms beef burgers, 12x £4.50 have I tried those? I don't think so, seems better value than getting 4 for the same price..

I wonder if they will be more like quarter pounders, the box seems bigger too, will I like the taste?

I hated the chicken sausages.. I'll let you know when I try them. 

I did fancy the burger sauce, but I always end up not finishing those bottles, it's a waste of money.

Oh I should have looked for a mini tub for the burger sauce, at one time they had that in stock..

The cramps are not easing, all day yesterday, last night and now today too, ugh take the pain away please.

The more I watch the spin off channel of Gary/Danny, the more irritated I become..

Ok fine, you wanna have a second collaborative channel, pfft, go ahead..

But reviewing the same foodie outlets as your other channel? Really? What the hell is the point?

There are so many weird and wonderful places to go too and you're doing the exact same restaurants, cafes, fast food over and over.....

Yeesh, how uninspiring!! This might be the hormo arnes talking but it just seems sloppy ideas are all too frequent.

The shopping came in a flash in bags and gosh I'm struggling to stand up.

But everything is packed and I have zero appetite but I'll some hula hoops and olives because I think my stomach is too empty.

And maybe that will end the cramps, please please please..

#BlogLife993 - You don't have to digest this..

I haven't had m&m's or quality street in years. Good to reminisce every once in a while.

I might try those spring rolls later or something equally light, I still feel pretty full from the cheeseburger, chocolate and crisps an that was ages ago.

I'm still waiting for the blankie to go from low to high heat, it's been hours..

I was right that Bournville Cadbury bar is like hot chocolate with nuts, kinda malty, a bit like dark chocolate actually.

Really nice in small doses, but really hard, tough chocolate to bite into.

The veggy spring rolls are nice but I made the mistake of recooking to heat it up and they turned a bit soggy chewy, I hate that.

Room temperature is better, where it's still crunchy. I wonder what the chicken ones were like..

I don't really fancy the pasta today, too heavy. I like those miniscule roast potatoes instead, the size of a malteser.

So crunchy and buttery and herby with a small thin steak. Actually I'm eating more and more each day.

Having smaller meals or snacks, is easier and then I can add more if I feel like it.

As usual starting the morning with streaming tears, these contact lenses must me made from a different material as both eyes are irritated constantly throughout the day..

And for new lenses it's supposed to be so comfortable that you don't feel anything in the eye, which is how it used to be previously.

I have to remember to mention it at my next appointment but that's probably a year from now or whenever I lose a lens.

I'm getting all these sales emails, I have to look out for free delivery and discounts to stock up on face washes, which seem to finish too quickly.

Oh and probably another face mask too. I wish there was more affordable variety in the places I shop but there isn't.

Although I like the cleansing milk and new face wash, my skin is breaking out a lil bit and getting dry now.

I start off applying the milk, use the face brush with the wash and then re-moisturise with the lighter one I bought that absorbs into the skin properly and doesn't sit there heavy and oily.

Apart from those issues, my face is clear and soft. Unfortunately the cheap face creams are so greasy for my combination skin.

I hate that feeling of the lotion sitting on my face, that's why I apply it and wash it off because my skin can breathe.

And that's why every once in a while I like the expensive face moisturisers, although knowing me, I try to get a discount ha.

Yesterday I realised why I no longer buy the miniature chocolate boxes, aside from them being 3x times as expensive as the regular size..

It's really easy to just graze and eat a handful like it's nothing lol. I don't regret buying it, I'm liking it a lot.

And I don't feel I treat myself that much so it's delightful. Something else that crossed my mind yesterday..

When I was living at home, I felt a lil pressured to eat everything off my plate even though I was full..

You're not supposed to waste food, to be grateful you can afford it in the first place.

But when I started living alone, eventually I stopped doing that because I no longer had that horrible overstuffed bloated feeling and that was better, even if it's just a tiny bit left, it's not necessary to finish it.

And that really put me in tune with my hunger needs, eat when hungry stop when full.

So I stopped the late night snacking when I wasn't even hungry and when I went to bed, I didn't have that uncomfortable feeling, like I needed an antacid.

I used to take that or milk of magnesia a lot, so much indigestion back then.

And now I use binaural beats video but less for bloating and more for nausea.

#BlogLife992 - Bad truffle

Oops I don't think the truffles I bought for Mama were well received...

She said they were ok, really hard shell but soft centre. I got to look up the name so I don't buy them again.

I thought they would be softer like ferreros. Cocoa Loco, that was it, pricey too.

Oh well, I'm not sweating it, as I got her Divine and fudge so, it's not all bad.

That's why it's good to buy a bunch of things and hedge your bets, plus she's fussy and hard to please so at least with old favourites, she's happy.

Actually I have to ask her if she liked the Divine bar.

Anyway a funny exhausting day, I was fighting with the roll of bin liner sacks as they were stuck together and for half an hour, I could not pry them apart.

I swear this roll is thinner, eventually it ripped and I just tore off a new one.

I could not stop craving chocolate, it could be hormone related, around this time, it's what I go for.

I was looking for Black Magic chocolates, a dark mix of varied fillings but no joy.

In the end I was going to get some sandwiches and a drink, forgot about the drink, and because it's Bank Holidays, off course no daily sandwiches are brought in.

So that was a bust, I got some beef bolognese and a cheese burger.

Plus...... Crisps, although 1x was sold out. Oh and I saw chicken spring rolls, but they sent me veggy ones, so I asked for a refund and I got it.

But the main goodies were Cadbury Bournville hazelnut bar £2.25 100g.

I don't think I've tried that. I think that is a hot chocolate brand..

Also M&M's £2.30 for a 112g bag and finally Quality Street 550g which I expected to be tiny somehow..

And ended up as a huge box for £5.45, it was the cheapest box I could find ha.

Why did I order so many chocolates? I wanted to make sure at least one was in stock.

They don't tell you until after you've ordered, when they are preparing it.

All that will last ages because my appetite isn't fully back but I can pick at bits and pieces and not have to do a major shop.

Although at some point, I will need bins ha.

I know this is calorific and everyone who struggles with their weight battles with indulgence.

Should I? Shouldn't I? Family, friends, colleagues all nagging you to relax and just eat whatever recklessly..

And you might do it and feel guilty afterwards.. Or you might say, Look I can justify it because I'm exercising and generally being careful most of the time so I can afford to treat myself.

There isn't really a right or wrong path. What I've personally learned is continued binging doesn't suit me.

Starving myself isn't healthy but having occasional treats here and there, lessens the intense cravings.

Aside from when I'm bloating and cannot tell if I am hungry or full..

It took me getting out of my head, trying to dictate myself, what I'm supposed to do....

Versus, what is the normal and doable thing because now I can have a big or small meal..

Have snacks, good or bad ones and still maintain continued weightloss, which way back when I started, seemed impossible.

I felt like no matter what I did, I put on the pounds and stones and it's frustrating and disheartening, to keep trying your best and failing at it.

Everyone has to figure out what will help them, some join slimming clubs and the support of doing it with others or sharing struggles or tips, can be beneficial.

I thought about it, but paying for something like that, to be embarrassed or shamed, was not my cup of tea.

I don't really know what finally spurred me into action really. I think I was just unhappy generally and wanted to wear cute clothes in a smaller size and have the ability to walk into any store, see my size and think yea....

That will suit me. I did a bunch of pointless things and then found my routine.

What could I do without? What is a smarter choice? Maybe late night munching isn't good for me..

Hmm I didn't mean to get so rambly. I'm quite pleased Asda and Sainsbury found my address without me having to go outside.

Asda handed me the stuff in their own proper plastic bag. I love that, normally it's paper or thin bags, but this is a sturdy reusable one.

I'll let you know when I try it, what I thought of the Cadbury bar.

I know it's Friday and a Bank Holiday, I feel like I should be doing something lol.

Oh darn it. That's the thing I really wanted, nuts, specifically almonds and cashews, love those and I forgot, Oh well..

#BlogLife991 - Merry Spoofmas :)

So I feel a lot silly at the moment, maybe because I'm doing something for me and treating myself like a Queen.

I have a fair bit of pain, cleavage hurts, hands hurt, wrists hurt but this weightlessness overrides that.

Do you remember being a kid at Christmas and how exciting it all seemed?

Waking up at 6am and trying to wake your family up so you could dash down the stairs and shake the gifts, ripping them open, half asleep, not even sure if they were actually yours but being too giddy to care..

Today I woke up at 8amish. not exactly joyous but calmer than I've felt in a long while.

I was tired and hoping to get more sleep but I felt cosy, being in my own bed, my own surroundings and not having to put a fake cheery smile on, it was glorious.

I stayed in bed until 10/11amish and was just thinking about the stories and blog and I know if I had been away, there is no chance I would be in the mood to compose anything.

This is the day, where it's normal to spend it in your pjs. Where you can have anything for breakfast, even cookies or chocolate..

The rules go out of the window. I don't feel hungry but I do feel really cold.

I'm out of all the sweet treats, except for fruit pastilles. My stomach is grumbling for food but I'm indifferent.

If I was to do an SS Christmas speech, what would I say??

Merry Christmas loyal subjects and readers..

How are you all doing? Have you freshened up? Or do you look a mess with unkempt hair and no makeup?

I myself am immaculately put together. Definitely no bed hair or bags under my eyes..

I've been up for hours, bossing servants around and demanding alsorts, it's a tiresome job, but someone has to do it.

Today is about frivolity and not lifting a finger, well unless you reside alone, in which case, get on with it and stop procrastinating..

What did you get for Christmas?

For me it was the same ol same ol... Jewels, Castles, A couple of new countries, marriage proposals....

The usual malarky, being royal can be taxing and now it's time for my nap.

Who wants to fluff my pillows and serenade me with Bugs Bunny Opera tunes?

#BlogLife990 - I'm sorry I don't feel the way you think I should...

Something that is kinda starting to get on my nerves is society and then people's perceptions..

I chose to purposely spend Christmas alone, I could have easily spent it with family but to be honest, I didn't want too.

Every time I mention, I'll be alone, everyone floods me with sympathy.

To those people, Knock it off. We don't all have perfect fictional families, where it's relaxing and peaceful.

I'm dealing with chronic pain, very lil energy and stress, landlord, dwp, bills, expenses, blah blah blah.

And realising it is now vital I take care of myself, physically and mentally because otherwise I'm going to sink into a deep dark depressive state.

I've felt it coming on strongly for a while now but the simple thing of standing up for myself and saying No Mama I'm not coming to stay with you, was massively exhilarating.

I know I couldn't say the words I wanted too, to her. I don't want to be mean or hurt her feelings, which is why I usually explode on here.

But it comes down to the same thing I've been feeling all my life.

She and others expect me to ignore my feelings, drop everything and cater to their needs 24-7 but when I need something......

They are nowhere to be found, or going through the motions of pseudo support, when they can't be bothered.

And I am sick of being exploited for others selfishness.

Enough is enough. It's high time, I look out for myself.

Part of me doesn't feel festive, maybe it's the guilt of leaving Mama alone.

But she is addicted to the pattern of...... You daughter are not important.

You are an afterthought, I expect to contact you last and for you to Jump at my commands!!!

I just don't want to please anymore. I don't want to ignore the resentment I feel at always being treated this way.

Why should I? I know one of these days I'll snap. I know I will blurt out home truths because I can't take it anymore..

But for now, it's just between you and me.

In the past when it was alternate Christmas's with her and I was alone, I did feel a bit empty and lost.

But I don't feel that this year. I do feel lighter and I think I feel proud of myself for admitting, this behaviour isn't right and speaking up, even if I didn't share the real reason, is a positive step.

I'm so glad I bought snack food, that doesn't need cooking, it is so convenient to nibble on.

Can you believe in 10 posts time it will be BlogLife1k? A thousand times of me not giving up.

Persevering, trying to open up and be vulnerable. Trying to write stories and swallow the embarrassment of publishing them..

And thinking pffft, you're an idiot girl, no-one finds you compelling enough to read what you've written.

Who do you think are? Famous or something? An intellectual?

I don't think so.

But yet, even with my lack of confidence, deep insecurities and feeling hopeless and really really dumb and uninteresting..

I just kept thinking. I love this. I love talking. I'm my own appreciative audience.

No one is here to stop me communicating anymore.

I can finally be me.

And actually I have a lot to say and this is all my perspective and truth that I never got to express.

I still remember being that scared curious bubbly lil girl. Too fearful to talk but animated on the inside.

Dreaming of being a writer. Maybe, just maybe one day I'll be free to speak...

I'll create funny lil stories and people will laugh at them, instead of me, finally..

I'll develop self worth and I won't hate myself for being me. I'll celebrate because who I am is good enough.

I don't need to be perfect, I just need to be authentic and true to myself.

And this is my point really. This is why I love being alone. I'm not compared to others, I'm not judged.

And there's no-one saying..... You don't measure up. 

You're supposed to socialise, you're supposed to join in and want company.

But if you're constantly disrespected..... Why would you want too???

It's Christmas Eve and typically the last day of the Advents. I'm going to finish those off and the UC and then relax.

Please always remember that you matter. What you think and feel is important.

Learn to value yourself and then hopefully you'll spot people that are unkind, earlier, so you can distance yourself or dismiss them.

#BlogLife989 - Off but on, Merry Christmas :)

I'm still waiting for Zoomy to restock the Badedas shampoo, my hair and scalp loves that but it's still not there.

I might have to get it elsewhere. Ahh just realised, Sainsburys on Just Eat do it.

Ouchy pricey £3.15, and on Zoom it's £2.80. I'll get at least 2 bottles.

Plus I saw some beef pasties minis, those look nice, maybe they will have Quorn sausage rolls too.

But no cheap face washes. Oh they have the Covent Garden soup ouch £3 each, yikes.

So I added some chicken samosas and an egg sandwich, funny that they were sold out of the m&m's, oh well.

I don't feel hungry anymore but I'll sample a few things, the main things were the soup and shampoo and those were delivered so I'm glad.

The cramps are just off and on all day so it's not making me have an appetite as such.

I don't want to eat too late as it won't digest properly, but it's only 4pm so I have time.

I have to do the advents then I'll watch foodie videos, that will make me peckish after some mini reviews.

I was going to get some more fruit juice but I didn't want to spend too much, so left it.

I said I was going to take a writing break and yet still posting.. The brain doesn't want to switch off....

Bad brain, go take a breather..

The chicken tikka samosas, taste vegetarian but I don't actually mind because it's soft and tasty.

I just tried the dip with it, ooh it's like a sweet mild tangy peppery taste which actually compliments it really well.

I usually don't bother with dips but I'm glad I tried that. Tasty. If there's any left, I'll probably dip the pasties into that.

I need dessert now...

I could re-cook it to crisp but I can't be bothered. I like those. The mini beef pasties are also tasty, soft pastry, good size.

It's beef and maybe a veggy or potato, I can't really tell. The egg and cress sandwich is just yum, lots of filling.

I kinda fancy the soup, but it's better in the mornings to warm me up, especially when I'm not hungry but eating to heat up.

I do feel much lighter knowing my body won't be put through a painful travelling journey.

I just totally burned my mouth and throat on the soap, I couldn't resist it anymore, so good, I shouldn't have heated it for 5 minutes as I didn't want it to last for ages and stay hot.

I wanted to drink some of it now. I might be crazy but the carton looks smaller than it use to be, oh well, it will still last for 2/3 meal drinks.

With all the home remedies I've done, peppermint night oil sprinkling, listening to cold/flu binaural videos..

Drinking orange juice, trying to maintain an appetite. I don't have a runny nose, my throat isn't burning anymore.

I cough off and on but it's less potent than it was, the only thing is the limp tiredness.

Yesterday I struggled, I even tidied up a bit but by 9pmish I was wrecked, I wanted sleep so badly and that is so early for me.

I listened to music and watched videos and by 11pmish, I couldn't take it and went to bed but it was a horrid sleep.

I forgot to sprinkle the peppermint and it feels like getting up to do anything is so hard, it takes it out of me.

But having some rest is better than nothing. I got the samosas and pasties to nibble on to give me energy.

And it is still weird that I'm posting, normally I'm burnt out by this time of the year.

I think it's because I'm home, more on that in the new post...

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas if you celebrate, Happy Holidays if you don't.

I hope that you'll indulge and treat yourself and find some peace :)

#BlogLife988 - Not people but solitude gives me peace :)

The L'Oreal duo arrived about 3pmish so I can relax now. I just opened the cleansing milk and applied it.

It smells really nice and is very thin and light but it applies quite greasily so I'm glad I'm using it first and then applying the mask, followed by the new face wash.

I can't tell if that is scented and Amazon is confusing with the listings, one minute it says fragranced and the reviews say unscented and vice versa.

I bought some McCain salt and pepper chips, lightly salted, no pepper flavour but they crisp nicely £2 for a 762g bag, I didn't want a large size.

The Go Nuts roasted and salted pistachios are lightly seasoned but really tasty 80g for £1 and much nicer than the Whitworths version.

Great for a healthy snack. That was it, no more new stuff. I'm gonna apply the mask.

Oh my nails chipped so I chopped them short. 

Back when I was dieting, I used to absolutely hate my stomach expanding after the meals and I'd obsessively weigh myself to see how much I gained...

Ugh never again because what I realise now is by the morning, it's.. I can't say completely flat but smaller than normal.

And I do like this steady weight loss and being able to eat normally and not feeling hungry or like I'm starving myself.

Talking of which, I wonder if the so called hot and spicy wings are ready?!

Ok just used the face wash, seems to foam nicely, I think it's lightly scented, faint sweet smell.

It was hard to tell if anything was coming out on the brush so squirted it into my hand and actually, a lil bit went a long way.

Afterwards my face feels extra soft, really clean and refreshed, so far so good at the moment, I like it.

As that cleansing milk cream it is so oily, I'll use it as a base moisturiser and it will be washed off as part of my routine and then I get left with hydration but no grease, that suits me better.

What I keep forgetting to do is tidy up the brows, a lil pluck here and there.

But I need natural daylight, hopefully I'll remember tomorrow, thankfully Mama hasn't called to arrange tomorrow's disaster.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get, she wants me to jump in a car when I get back for an hour journey and my back will be screaming in pain.

All I will want to do is lay down, munch and rest. An update was that she could meet me tomorrow to give me some food or come when I felt up to it.

But ugh my body just needs rest so I declined and explained that I had stocked up and actually just had the rest of the pizza which hit the spot and woke me up fully.

My eyes are still getting used to the new lenses, still watering and uncomfy a lot.

I might do a protein tablet treatment on them, even though they are new and are supposed to be a breeze to wear.

I can't stop tensing and crying, although at the moment, they seem rested.

Thankfully for the moment, the boiler seems ok. I can't wait to cleanse my face and wash off the makeup but that has to wait.

I wouldn't mind a nap but I'm not tired enough and there are things to do still.

I should take out the bins but that will wait.

#BlogLife987 - I wish I could close my eyes

Well the day started off fine, although I would have liked more rest.

But then the cleaner didn't rinse off my lenses even I doused it several times with saline and my eyes have been burning and crying all day.

I'm still having trouble seeing. It's still hurting, I took them out, I've applied drops all day.

I've listened to binaural beats and put the eye mask on, it's helped somewhat but I wish I had some glasses to wear so I could see and remove them and give my eyes a break.

Plus I've got the cough and now sniffles, so definitely caught a bug, explains why I've felt really lousy.

I managed to do the Iceland shop but my eyes were struggling with the laptop screen, it hurts to blink, yeesh.

I bought mainly frozen food and lots of snacks, plus orange juice and this apple raspberry blend, as it's Christmas and I don't fancy Shloer grape juice actually, just some vitamin c.

I think I miss the eggy muffin and the eggy burrito from that cafe, I could probably get it from the Market but I might have to wait a while and my back would be hurting.

I think I've done everything on my todo list now. Just some tidying left.

In January or late December I'll cancel Prime so I don't get charged but I still need boots, a winter nighty and lil stuff I guess.

This year I haven't done the usual Christmas movies binge, I'm not really in the mood.

Somehow I don't think I will publish the Christmas story this year either.

Gosh to be honest, I'm not in the mood for anything but sleep.

Ok, I made a lil boo boo. I thought I had one last Avon face wash left, nope all gone and binned the last one.

Either I can get one from Zoom although not any that appeals. I tried Just Eat groceries, just mens washes or Simple, which I don't want..

Or I could wait until Monday when I go to the Market for the appointment or could try Prime..

Let's try Prime.. Well I did see an offer for something I wasn't looking for ha.

L'Oreal Paris had a cleansing milk, halfway between a toner and a moisturiser, I think from £5 to £2.37 which is really goo for 200ml.

Perfect smoothing and Anti fatigue, hmm it does sound like me..

Then to what I really needed, L'Oreal Paris again Revitalift Vitamin C cleanser 150ml from £7.50 to £6 ouchy.

But I work it out to about £4ish each and that's pretty good for a premium brand.

They are both due tomorrow. I couldn't imagine not washing my face, it can be horribly oily or dry.

They are not the cheapest but I have enough moisturisers for a long while now.

As I was feeling really sicky and exhausted, I wasn't really thinking straight.

No time for plucking, just about managed foundation, my hair is flat as I used a bit of oil, no rain actually, so that was nice.

I forgot to pop in to that speciality shop to see if they had any nice treats, but to be honest, I have things at home anyway.

My UC appointment filled me with dread, the advisor wasn't in and I was referred to that prejudiced guy who is quite nasty and mocking to those with disabilities and just generally rude.

And I thought I really will not stand for disrespect today. I'm feeling rough and why do I deserve it??

But after keeping me waiting, not calling my name, emailing me and asking why I missed the appointment..

His colleague noticed I had been waiting ages and asked who I was here for?

To be honest I just replied my usual advisor isn't here and my appointment was 10amish and then finally the horrid guy appeared and saw me.....

But wow....... Different attitude. I don't think he recognised me or maybe someone slapped him into behaving himself as he was friendly and polite......

Holy moly, a lobotomy maybe? I was just grateful. Any further stress and I may have vomitted on him.

The pizza place is still half price, so got wings, cheesy garlic bread and a large pizza for about £21.

I am freezing, got to put on the heating, plug in the blankie, hang up my coat and start on the advents and UC stuff.

I'll probably open the last pepsi to calm my tum...

Oh that was it. The last thing to mention. As usual Mama texted me late last night and said she'd call tomorrow...

Last priority, expecting me to scramble and accommodate her. No sodding way!

I told her straight Sorry, not coming, I have a bug, cough and sniffles and I am drained.

I think she expected it and said That's ok, maybe next year but I can't see myself staying with her for a while, not while I'm fragile.

I grew up having my needs ignored, catering to everyone else and the belief was that I don't matter.

What I think or feel isn't important. Now I'm getting increasingly sicker, I realise it is significant and always was.

It's still hard though to stick up for myself. The food just got here and I realised, yet again, I left the tap slightly trickling on.

How did I not see or hear it? Ugh I make so many mistakes. At least I have 3 weeks off.

Hopefully I didn't empty the boiler and have to callout repairers.. I'm going to leave it on until late today.

It's cold anyway. It's a shame the pizza place stopped doing the cake or toffee pie, those were nice, not homemade but still good.

Ok time to relax and then jump into obligations. Maybe more posts this week, I will play by ear....

De-stressing is the most important thing. If I get to a point where I'm calm, then maybe I can work on the stories..

I hope you're having a good break :)

#BlogLife986 - Full sight for Christmas

I am absolutely shattered. It's been really rainy and windy. I got soaked.

At one point there was oodles of time and then it vanished. I had about 30 minutes to get to the Opticians before they closed for lunch at 1pm and the buses and traffic was a delayed mess.

Somehow I just made it and got a full spare set, wowser. I'm really pleased, I was not expecting that.

I will put this one lens away and use the new ones as he said this current one is scratched.

I only had a bit of cash on me so didn't get the fish and chips, ordered instead, I wonder if they'll find me or will I have to go out in the rain? 

Or will they feed the neighbours, they are a good alternative to the cafe, plus they have a loyalty stamp card so after so many times, I get a discount.

But if they get lost, I won't use them again. I also got some sandwiches and pasta from Tesco and some Indian sweets, pity they didn't have the loose jalebi, only in a packet form.

And when he weighed it, it was £3. I could have told him to add more but I had been waiting a while and the tiredness had set in but at least I have a small treat.

Actually it's better I went out today and not tomorrow, I think the buses would have been even more late.

It's over and done with. I don't know if I'll be heading to Mama's on the 22nd or not.

I was fighting nausea all morning.

Oh and because of that, I opened the Pepsi gingerbread.. Umm it's very sweet, slight ginger taste.

It's actually not bad lol. I don't really like cola and pepsi for the sugar content but free is free and the nausea and stomach churning is really bad today.

A few sips of it, actually helped a lot. I felt like I was going to vomit on the bus and the idiot driver passed my stop, even though I rang the bell.

Why do they hate my stop? Every now and then, they do that and I want to scream at them.

Ok, the food arrived and that was a disaster he called me up but I couldn't understand him and just the effort of standing and walking I kept saying ouch.

Eventually he found it. I just fancied chunky chips. I have to admit, it's just down a long road and it took 30 minutes but it's piping hot.

I wish I said, vinegar on the chips no salt. I'm not sure it has either, tasty and fresh though.

I finally put in the new lenses, it's odd having one in my right eye, uncomfy but I put drops in and that helped.

Wow what a difference, it feels like I've new eyes with HD vision, everything is sharper and clearer.

But I keep worrying that I'll blink too much and the right one will fall out.

It doesn't really work like that, the most I have to be careful about is inserting and removing, that's when they tend to jump and I can't find them.

I'm still off fish, it turns out, I bought a cod burger to see and it's really seasoned nicely but I just am put off by fish.

It reminds me when I went off lamb, I used to love it but it just didn't taste right after a while.

I hope it's temporary, I like fish, it's better for you than meat. I would rather give up beef but I still like it.

I'm catching up on Sistas, a lot has changed and yet some things are the same..

I was going to post this yesterday but I think I was too tired. Just a note to say I've decided to start my Christmas BlogLife break now..

So now until January, I don't know if I'll be posting at all. I need to de-stress and look after myself as I do not feel healthy.

#BlogLife985 - Twitter punishing free account

I'm never going to pay for Twitter, I don't see the point. I can't see it making a huge difference to the blog, subscribers or readers.

Today while I did several advents at once on Twitter, I had about 5 tabs opens as they are slow to load..

This message came up saying, we're blocking your account until you prove you're human, there is suspicious activity.

Wtf??!! I've seen spam accounts, they don't write anything, it's retweets or pictures, I do write things as well as posting the daily posts.

So I refreshed, still there and there this weird challenge came up but even the mouse wouldn't move to the designated spot and then eventually it said, Oh you passed....

Continue but we are limiting your account or some crap so I don't know if my posts are visible.

It just irritated me and made me think, this is all because I have a free account..... Gits!!

What is worse is that they are not even removing the spam accounts. Why are they targeting mine???

Anyway it is what it is. If I have to move I will. There are several options to continue seeing new posts.

It's up to you. Bookmark the page, subscribe on FollowIt or follow on Twitter and hope that my tweets advertising new posts keeps working..

I finally cut my hair for Christmas, it was getting scruffy so that's done.

I'm surprised my nails are still long. I don't know whether to chop them short now, or after the holidays..

Oh and I got a text saying the contact lens is ready to be collected.

How strange to receive that on Sunday. Hmm it's awfully fast, it probably means it's only one spare lens and not a set.

I'm gutted about that. I expected it after Christmas. I should pick it up before they close for Christmas.

Oh and Mama's is pressuring me to join her for the break and I don't want too.

I don't know what excuse to give to get out of it. She doesn't want to be alone but I desperately need some peace and relaxation.

I deserve that at the very least. 

I should take some more body measurements. I want to see if I've lost any more weight.

I feel like my tum is a lil smaller but it's hard to tell.. Although I have been snacking a lot.

Well yesterday I probably got my first and last small advent win, I got 500 nectar points to spend at Sainsbury supermarket or Argos, general store.

I think it's £2.50 but not sure it's even redeemable, meh. Oh and the Batchelor's soup thingy, didn't work out like I hoped.

It's impossible to get the noodles out, they are stuck and even after I warmed it's too slippery and the water just clung to them.

So kinda a waste. Will stick to the Covent Garden one when I next do a Zoomy.

Plus I really need that Badeas shampoo. I think the last couple of times, it's been sold out.

It makes my hair silky and nourished, when I'm at Mama's my scalp just dries out and it's not good.

But if I walk with liquids, it spills over my bag ugh, even the leave in conditioner is too big and bulky to carry.

I had a strange morning, the wifi said it was connected but it wouldn't load anything so I persisted and then eventually restarted the phone and that worked.

What I've noticed is sometimes the Samsung is non responsive, I've noticed that regularly, I'll be tapping and nothing happens.

Sometimes I have to close it and reopen the app and suddenly it's normal, odd.

I finally created the Christmas playlist for my phone, I've been meaning to do that for a while.

I'll just stick to the upbeat festive songs to perk me up when I'm drained.

I don't know if I'm hungry or just cold. At some point I'll take a blogging break to avoid burnout.

Another tooth fell out, it was wobbling for ages, at least it's out the back, sorry this is late, started to feel a bit sick.

Hopefully there is something on my brain to talk about tomorrow..

#BlogLife984 - Buffet style meals

As usual I took about 6 or 7 bags to greet the Iceland guy and he smiled and said, No I prefer packing them up for you.

So that was nice. As usual my appetite is up and down and I may not do traditional meals as such.

I might just throw a bunch of snacks together. I can't remember if Mama introduced me to these during our healthy snacks munchies.

But we used to cut up veggies, carrots, cucumbers and celery are my favourites. Whole olives and some sort of dip, hummus or salsa preferably. 

Then we saw these stuffed peppers with cream cheese and they are so yummy. I know cream cheese isn't the best low fat option but we loved this array of goodies.

I saw them in Iceland, got some olives, the only thing I didn't get was the veggies and dip.

They don't have pre-sliced and I remembered from last time, my hands found that painful, so avoiding using a knife where possible.

As I was unpacking I popped the cheesy pepper in my mouth and usually, it's mild, this one was a lil fiery, so I had a lil coughy choking fit, ha, what a wimp, delicious though.

Either I will add them to the croissants to beef up the sandwich or pick on them solo.

I didn't fancy bread or crackers, so I bought croissants and am trying the Herta chicken frankfurters (10 x £2.85).

I've tried them before but I don't know if I liked them, for most of my life, I've had the veggie or vegan sausages but I have to change things up as I go off foods quickly.

I'll make hotissants, my creation of hotdog croissants, fabulous.

The thing that will stop it getting dry is the filling of cheese and onion sandwich filling.and the juicy olives.

I haven't had luck on the advents but that's ok, it's a bit of fun.

I'm not back to volunteering but I have popped on once or twice to respond to messages for those struggling.

It's kinda odd that I feel I don't need anyone but a random said, well that's how you've had to be, what if you let someone in?

And I thought......Hmm and be vulnerable? I don't think so bub.

I wonder if the hotdog is ready, for some reason, really hungry lol.

Maybe overcooked them but that was the taste I was looking for, I really like them, almost smoky. That is a winner.

I forgot to add, this is what I do, tear the croissants in half, (even that motion was painful to me).

Then pull apart the layers so there is a space and then stuff with sausage, maybe cheese, olives, maybe hummus, maybe stuffed pepper and it turns out so well.

I am so full. I just tried out La Boulangere croissants 6x £1.50 to me it's like a fake croissant, it doesn't taste flaky or fresh just doughy.

I do not recommend it. Iceland's luxury butter ones 4x £2 are much nicer. Lucky I bought both.

Aw they were sold out of the Haribo cola bottles, I just fancied something sweet to nibble but I got some cookies and the After Eight winter fondants..

Dark chocolate and mint, heavenly combination. I wish they were sold all year around.

#BlogLife983 - Throw away Throw...

That's all my Christmas presents received unless Santa let's me win from the advents.

I put some pictures on Twitter. I'm happy the slippers arrived early, re-delivered from Royal Mail the next day.

They are so soft, not as cute as the picture but I like unusual or cute shades and they will be toasty for my feet that are always sore, delicate and frozen.

The blankie is also silky soft but it's not giving much heat so basically an oversized thick throw and that's it.

I do not have luck with these things, even the faulty one is better.

It's on the highest setting and still rubbish but for testing purposes I got to leave it on and see if it will eventually produce heat, ugh waste of money so far.

Just under an hour later, it's warmer but only at the top. I'm not cold because the heating is on and I just munched, but if I was the blankie wouldn't do me any good.

Oh I was surprised by the zinger burgers, not really spicy just tongue tingly mildness, that's what I prefer.

It's made me face warm so that helps. Quite small but nice tasty bun and good sized fillet, now I know it's not spicy, I would get that offer again.

The next day it was still fresh. When I have a minute I'll write a scathing review on Amazon.

Overall what I noticed was, the density of the blankie took the chill away not the heat.

It's twice as thick as the old one but in the evening, I really started to shiver, even though it was on high so it will be relegated to a spare but not a primary source because it's terrible.

By the way it's been just over two months and I haven't had to charge the face brush since the first time I did it, not bad at all.

I sometimes use it twice a day or once or none at all, depending on my mood, for a few minutes I would say.

It's funny, I would spend money, more than usual on buying luxury gifts for others but I wouldn't do it for myself.

It just doesn't seem appropriate to waste money on fun treats, unless it's beauty or food, which are basically essentials and even then I make sure there is usually a discount.

Pmt is still up and down but I am definitely craving chocolate and biccys and nuts.

I still hope to skip this month, although if I do, I'm going to suffer in January.

#BlogLife982 - Emailed Iceland

I am stuffed, Iceland was a bit late so I did the cheese toasties and then had a cupcake because it's so tiny and I wanted to review it.

I put a picture on twitter. 9x for £2. I think that's excellent value for a party, a family or a singleton ha and a long expiry date of 2 weeks.

It's a really soft vanilla sponge with a generous sweet icing. I'm not sure how long they will last, being that tasty.

I also got the hazelnut chocolate churros, 12x £2.50, really tiny but if it's anything like the apple ones, it's going to be a treat.

So I went to the door with half a dozen bags and he came in breathlessly puffing with them already packed up.

He said, look I know you're ill, email Iceland and explain that I had to bring in bags for you.

Oof I was so relieved, I felt really dizzy today and taking the bags to the kitchen, my back was already hurting.

So I emailed Iceland explaining my circumstances, not sure what will happen but I can only try.

I'm 47yrs old and can't cope with most things. I am ancient health wise.

So even though I felt unsteady and delicate, I was so happy to see the bags I did an impromptu #MorningDancePartyWorkout.

Ha that's what I titled it in an old post I think. Oh the last thing I will review is the Crown Farms chicken sausages 12x £4.50 ouch but most of their items, the quality is outstanding.

Oh yea one last thing that surprised me. Batchelors big super chicken noodles £1.25..

I know I've bought that before but I feel like they tweaked the recipe because I added extra water to make it soupy, there was a whole load or dry power mix and it was delicious.

I don't remember it being that great, I actually preferred drinking it as a soup drink and left the noodles because I was full.

So that and the Covent Garden ones are the soups I would get frequently.

I'm not hungry in the mornings, usually I sip ice water but because it's so cold and the heating and blankie take ages to kick in, it's a nice way to heat up and relax.

Yuck, just tried the Crown Farms chicken sausages, worst product in their range, tastes like chicken soup seasoning.

I do not like it, I thought it would be a lil peppery or have some sort of great herbs included, I do not recommend it.

Plus it took ages to cook about 25 minutes and it split, it just didn't want to brown.

I just taste salt. I will not buy that again, will stick to frankfurters or vegan ones, so much better.

Next up, have to try the churros ha. They are only tiny. I remembered 6 minutes was the cooking sweet spot, boiling hot, basically nutella inside but not as sickly sweet.

Pretty tasty the pastry doesn't taste of munch but the blend today is great.

I have to say the apple cinnamon one was a lot better, just really flavourful but this isn't bad.

I don't think I would get it again, to me warm or hot chocolate has a slightly burnt taste, spoils it a bit for me.

A mixed bag really, I should have got salt and vinegar hula hoops, much nicer than cheese and onion but she caught me on the hop.

Iceland got back to me weirdly saying give us your personal details so we can escalate this.

Yeesh I only wanted to give feedback, give bags to those that need it.

I ignored that and then they wrote again saying we will take it under advisement and let us know if you need extra help with deliveries and we'll put a note on your account....

Didn't I just say that? I just want easy to carry bags, not all the items on the floor so I'm bending to pick each one up individually. Cripes.