#Blogalife185 - Being sick is not a valid life choice *strong language*

What's up with the title S? I've just realised something else by being here and having to lie down and rest more frequently.. 

I'm seen as a slacker/weirdo because I don't do much and get tired easily. 

I keep being asked if I'm going to do this or that and the answer is nope, she's just here lounging. 

I just feel drained and all I've done is showered, washed my hair. Blogged and had breakfast. 

I am properly sleepy now and can barely keep my eyes open and my body aches all over. 

I think what bugs me is the distorted truth. Mama keeps bragging to everyone how wonderful and helpful the other two are but she never mentions me at all. 

Complimenting me, would offset the others I guess.. 

My daughter? Oh err she's never been arrested or in jail. 

She's never had psycho violent outbursts threatening bodily harm. 

She's never ran up debts so I've received court summons.

No, no all that one has done is errr umm err well, she counsels others a bit. 

She could have disclosed I write fiction but why talk about me, when she can blabber about the other two. 

I know, let's talk about the police visits and the borrowing /stealing... No? 

Alright just proceed to tell me and others how perfect they are, while i vomit.

Compared to you SS they are preferable. 

They have friends... You don't. 

They are sociable and work hard. You don't. 

They're happy and well adjusted and all you do is bitch about them. 

Clearly SS the problem lies with you and you're a fuck up, not them. 

This is what is keeping me up at night and I need to leave this weekend and repair the head fuckery of these visits.. 

The reason they get to be happy is they never have to adjust from bastards to respectful people because they are cherished. 

I on the other hand who was told I was nobody and should stay voiceless.... 

Well half of me is depressed. I've lost my appetite and  teenage me has resurfaced and I feel dead inside.

I advised her many times not to get a two bedroom place so that they can't stay longer and purposely row but she ignored that so I said, what happens if they refuse to leave...?

Now she reacts calmly stating Oh I'll just call the cops and have them forcibly removed.

WTF???? So suddenly now you are happy to do that for your own fucking safety?

When I grew up with the threats of violence and verbal abuse daily? 

Surrounded by junkies? Now all of a sudden, you'll cooperate with the police and let them inside?

FUCK THE HELL OFF!!

When I was growing up petrified and locking myself in my room, wondering if I was going to survive the day, you didn't do fuck all about it.

But now that it concerns your well being, suddenly you're prepared to stand up to them???

I love you but you make me hate you more and more. This anger is not relenting, it is growing stronger.

You're basically saying to me, my emotional/physical state mean't nothing to you at all!

It hit me just now. She's proud of them using her friends for money but she's thoroughly disappointed in me.

Of course she turns a blind eye to their exploits and see's them as "perfect samaritans."

I really don't know how to be okay with this realisation...........