#BlogLife718 - As a woman, why can't I be seen as weak or strong?

I don't feel like I got much sleep over the weekend, but there were giant blocks of it.

I decided to go ahead and block J as I cannot be bothered to waste anymore thoughts or energy on him.

First he waits a week to get back in touch and now it's 4 days. I think he's one of those, flippity floppers.

Only contacts when he's bored or maybe his women/friends are all occupied...

Again he could have just said, I'm not ignoring you but things are hectic at the moment, will be in touch in a week or so..

I would have appreciated that as he seemed to like that I challenged him and had strong opinions but maybe he didn't??

There are definitely two sides to me. There is a part that doesn't get showcased, which is the gentler side.

The one that has slightly less walls up and doesn't want to pick fights but be a lil more open and almost agreeable.

That wants to be caring and affectionate and I guess show that lil bit of vulnerability.

But I lock her away because when she comes out, I'm treated disrespectfully like a doormat, it's never appreciated and shown gratitude.

The other side of me is ruthless. I will test the waters and won't take responses at face value.

I will question why you said that, why you think that way, what is the heart of the matter?

I will demand answers! I always remember my friends friend that she was crushing on saying to me in a teasing way..

You really like to challenge guys don't you and I smiled and said Yes, Yes I do ha.

And the purpose is, for them to show me their brilliance. To show that they can keep up with me and match my wits.

I don't want someone mindless and I want my character to be admired not shut down and silenced.

There are a few times when I've been accused of being male online, (ickkkkk, yuckity yuck)..

Purely based on the fact that I foist my solid convictions on others, that I am somewhat weirdly enough, confrontational..

That I am highly competitive and may trash talk, not to be cruel, just a lil acidic but a lot playful.

And it angers me that I can't be all of the above. I'm just supposed to nod and agree and not enquire further..

I always leave my disgusted response first before blocking them.

Pointing out that, I'm clearly not male as I don't use textspeak, I use punctuation, I am smart and funny and I'll just add charming to that.

Plus I don't just blurt things out, I think about what I am saying first.

Normally I'll just walk away but this time I left a parting shot. I told him, he was a waste of my time because he can't keep up with me.

It felt satisfying to say that because I don't want to be pigeon-holed into someone's ideal of what a woman should be...

I am who I am and proud of that fact. Just because you perceive women as weak and knowing their place..

Or that they shouldn't stand up for themselves, or know what they want or challenge you for a deeper understanding, not just what you casually say without any thought behind it..

It doesn't matter one iota, as we women are all unique and special and wonderful, no matter what type of personalities we possess.

Sometimes I'm tough, other times soft but always feminine. Embrace me, don't judge or think yourself better.

Or think you know all of me, see all of me, I have and probably will never be free to let my complete self be truly seen.