#BlogLife608 - This truth hurts will set me free

Song of the day - Swappi - Christmas Morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt8MhaLucfY&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=60

I'm glad this day is over, my lenses have been irritating me all day, pure watery tears and burning but I always seem to recall what I want to talk about after I've just posted.

I spoke to Mama and she doesn't want a robe because she has a bunch but she also hurt her arm/shoulder while swimming.

But it's better now and she properly tried out the massage chair mat thingy I got her and it's just what she needed/wanted.

She actually harangued herself for not using it sooner. Ha. I'm thrilled it's something useful.

I'm eager to sample it when I next visit. Iceland had these chicken balti pies that I was curious about..

I finally bought it, 4 in a pack £2.75, on the small side but for me it's just right.

I know I say I'm not a fan of spicy dishes but this is mild and well seasoned, pretty tasty and is such a winter food.

My whole face warms up and it's not burning my mouth off, the spice doesn't linger and get stronger, it's bearable.

I do recommend them as something new to try. I just started my period yesterday and I'm hoping it finishes quickly.

I think I skipped last month and if I go to Mama's I might end up leaving at the end of this week.

Normally she prefers me to arrive just before Christmas but I guess she's all organised and I could do with switching off and relaxing.

There is just one hiccup before I can leave, I need to know that the other sibling won't be present.

She hasn't mentioned it and that's concerning me. I even had this crazy daydream that she ambushed me and I was so peeved that my filter was removed.

And I told her everything that I had kept silent about, how I didn't want to be around them, how I tried to harm myself, plus how I was harmed by others, just because I was avoiding being at home.

She was shocked and full of disbelief, which I think would be an accurate reaction from her.

But instead of feeling guilty for telling the truth....... I should have felt bad about it but I felt.. Unburdened, this sense of relief that she could not live in denial anymore.

The best bit was saying I don't ever want to hear their names anymore unless it's about their passing because I deserve to live without fear and have a sense of safety around me.

I'm still not going to reveal any of it but in that fictional moment, it was satisfying to be released from some sort of blame that was put upon me.

Like I was the bad child, the cause of headaches, while I just tried to survive.

She'll never know what impact my childhood had/has on me and in this way I got to share it, without her defending them, or accepting the blame on herself.

When I want/need is for her to finally say.. They were cruel to you and I should have stopped it and I regret that I didn't and that I didn't remove them from the house sooner.

As usual I don't know if I'll be blogging while I'm away, if I do because I'm eager to do the drinks reviews, it definitely won't be every day, that's for sure.