#BlogLife770 - Exit randoms

Sorry about my lack of post yesterday, I had a strong feeling that by the time Monday came around I would be all talked out.

And I was. I got up late, I have been managing to sleep but the troubles and stress are constantly present.

As is Friday's appointment and the letter tasks. I kinda want to run away from it all or find a peaceful memory and time in my life where it wasn't chaotic..

But I know I have to find the courage to face it and appear strong.

I don't want to worry everyone checking up on me. It's my mess and I will attempt to clean it up.

I want to write something happy but then maybe a tearjerker is more fitting.

I'm not sure what will put me in the right mood to create some or finish off some fiction.

It's 11.39pm at night, I'm not sleepy tired but my brain and body are probably done for the day.

Although it seems like my mind is open to talking once more.

I had my phone off for most of the day. I just wasn't up to communicating.

I haven't been on chat either. Tomorrow I have to check the post.

I really don't think our Posties do daily deliveries anymore.

How different my life would be if I was normal, grew up without fear and illnesses.

What if I went on regular dates and had positive experience?

What if I was married and found a hubby that didn't hurt me, that was awestruck by me?

Would he encourage me to write or say it was a waste of time?

I don't have this bugging feeling I'm missing out because I think would be constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I think for the most part, I still just want to be left alone.

But sometimes I wonder, what it's like to be respected?

What it's like for someone to have your back and think of you as their other half and family.

Must be nice huh? I realise that it still wouldn't be idyllic. There would be issues too.

Would he like my crazy uneven thinning short hair with specks of grey?

Would he truly understand my need for space? My phone off, cuddled under the blankie or duvet, not wanting to open up or be touched?

Content to leave me be and not play hero and fix me.

But instead to let me work it out alone and satisfied in the world of silence and gaming?

Not all the time, sometimes I would readily share but other instances, I would be unreachable. 

Would he be patient? Or would he bribe me with smiles and food and compliments?

Or would he just sit next me, put his arm around and let me sob, for however long it took to release it??

Hmm I guess I will never know..

Back to reality, I thought my blankie was broken but thankfully, the cord was just loose.

Another item, I can't afford to replace now, that was a huge tool in my pain management fixes.

It's weird MC popped out of nowhere and texted and he's the last random to part company with.

I haven't blocked him or T, as they haven't done anything wrong but I just feel it's time to break away from people.

I don't want to ignore them and then have this big confrontation, I can't deal with that.

I don't know if I'll get back in contact with either of them. I just told MC, that I'm not good and that's why I'm cutting ties and thanked him for his humour.

I've known him the longest, off and on, for maybe a year or more?

I don't recall and he replied with Good luck and I hated that, because it's so applicable to my situation.

None of these randoms are that bothered about me leaving them, which is fine.

Even though I'm not, I do feel alone and scared.

My Oneplus Nord CE2 Lite, just had a software update, not to android 15, just a regular one.

It didn't take long at all.

For anyone playing Unsolved Enigmatis, there's a huge bug in the game, which I'm sure they have fixed by now.

I am never doing any updates, as to get extra hints or energy, you have to watch an advert, but it doesn't load, so you get it for free.

If you want to hoard up on the energy and hints, every few hours, just request more by clicking on the plus + sign and then you'll have extra, that's what I'll do from now on.

It's one long game, that I think was split up into 3 sections and when you download it, all the parts are there.

But weirdly enough, it started me backwards, so I did the final chapter first, strange.

The only negative is the lil games and hidden objects part, as I have bad eyes, they don't explain it well and it's very hard to see clearly.

Plus half the time, you don't know what you're doing and what you need items for, so you have to load up the Walkthroughs, to get ideas.

It is nice to have a completely free extensive point and click game though, with the option of hints and energy that don't require real cash.

Props to them for that.