#BlogLife557 - Living in a dreamworld

I'm just getting breakfast ready and trying to keep calm so that my stomach doesn't lurch.

I feel so uncomfortable both physically and mentally. It's getting harder and harder to watch Sefirin Kizi.

Sancar keeps pouring all this hatred on Nare and not taking any responsibility for his part.

Nare is just taking it and not standing up for herself. Plus Sancar is using his current wife and then shouting at her.

Only Gediz seems to look out for her welfare but she's too blind to see his love.

How is that a good example for her daughter? To take crap from others and then ask for more??

Instead of standing strong and saying, I'm right, you're wrong, treat me with respect!!

Also why on earth she is taunting an abuser like Akin, is beyond me, when he catches her, she's gonna be stupidly sorry!!

It's hitting too close to home and I loathe the main hero character. 

I don't find anything redeemable about him and I know they will end up together and at that point, I will stop watching.

I know what it's feels like to care for someone, only for them to pretend to cherish you and trample on your feelings.

To whisper closely, I'm here for you and then in the next breath say the most heart-hurting things.

To be blamed for things that aren't your fault and told, that you're not a good person to be around because what you say, how you look, how you feel, doesn't amount to anything.

Somebody taking pleasure in squashing you down so that you don't have the strength to pull yourself back up.

Then when you're emotionally beaten, he says Run to me. I'll save you. Only I can heal you. 

Only I will ever feel something for you. Nobody else will look twice, only me.

I crumbled and I faltered and my throat hurt so much with the tears that flowed after those conversations.

But the one thing I never did was chase him or flee to him. As destroyed as I was, sitting on the floor, tear stains on my cheeks...

There was always that tiny tiny voice saying Don't believe him, you're precious. Stay put and let him rot in hell.

Don't let someone hurt you. Fight back! I got an email from someone, maybe a reader, maybe a penpaller?

I am unsure but she was very young and lost. I felt for her but I didn't respond.

It seemed inappropriate to converse with someone that youthful. 

Even in the volunteering, they forbid us from communicating with under eighteen year olds because they were too fragile and not emotionally mature enough to handle any truth hurts.

I hope that she found someone on her side and has learned a way to build up her confidence and find a purpose.

It's not that I didn't care. It's that I didn't want to make it worse.

I'm not sure what I would have said. Find something you enjoy either as a career or as a hobby and develop it.

Learn to be kind to yourself. Get to know what gives you meaning.

Distinguish who in your life is good and who isn't. Start a diary or a blog and let it all out.

See if you can connect with someone that makes you smile, someone that doesn't hurt you.

As much as I hate it, find a workout that pumps you up. Exercise has never really been my thing but it was a way to let out my aggression/depression and get healthy.

The reason for the title was because in that fake world, there is no pain, there is just hope and laughter.

I would rather exist there, than here. I'm sick of being sick!