#AgonyLife7 - Dear SS I recently lost someone and haven't cried yet, Am I normal?

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss whether it is a broken relationship or a permanent death of someone.

I hope that you have anyone, as in  family/friends/colleagues/doctors/therapists around to help you through it.

Some people try group therapy as it is easier and others keep a diary or you could start a memory journal? Recall your highlights and preserve those forever.

Do something special in their name or dedicate a vlog/blog/social media account and share things that you never got to before.

Also if you never got to say goodbye, why not write a letter and do it in that method instead? You could choose to burn it after or keep it and write more.

Just to release it from your mind and so that you have something to look back on, on the days where you are struggling.

Not everyone cries straight away. This does not mean you are unfeeling or abnormal. This just means that you are processing this turn of events in your own way.

It is really tempting to block it out and pretend you are over it straight away or soon after but I would advise against this as grief tells to spill out inconveniently and very publicly.

That is the last thing you want. People pointing, gawping and staring.......No no no no! Remember that what you are feeling is normal.

There is no perfect reaction. Just because someone else is hysterical or depressed, it doesn't mean you have to react in the same way.

The way I did things was trick my brain. I thought I had prepared myself so not weeping was a tad understandable to me.

I knew it was coming and had seen the deterioration unfolding and it was inevitable. Yet others around me were falling apart and the guilt ate me alive.

Until someone said. It's okay. It will be alright. This is just how you personally are going through bereavement. Then I just nodded, mumbled thanks and felt weightless.

I didn't know that my brain was trying to protect me. It numbed me for a year. Maybe you are the same or possibly not.

I am going to do something different and attach a poem that spoke to me. I hope it offers you comfort too.

Don't tell me that you understand

Don't tell me that you know,

Don't tell me that I will survive

Or how I will surely grow.

 

Don't tell me that this is just a test

That I am truly blessed

That I am chosen for this task

Apart from all the rest.

 

Don't come at me with answers

That can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

 

Don't stand in pious judgement

Of the bounds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to suffer

And don't tell me how to cry!

 

My life is filled with selfishness,

My pain is all I see,

But, I need you now,

I need your love, unconditionally.

 

Accept me in my ups and downs,

I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry,

And say, "My friend, I care."

Joanetta Hendel