#BlogLife162 - Christmas unease

 It's only the mere start of November but I can't help circling my thoughts back to Christmas. You're set to move, well hoping to do it this year.

That in itself is stressful enough but to host Christmas too? That seems unfair. I've told you what I think, that it's okay to skip this year, if it's too much.

You're not sprightly anymore. My head is spinning, moving again at my age but being somewhere that has a lift is a more sensible option for you.

I always thought it was strange that you picked an apartment with stairs but maybe you figured it was good exercise? I know for me that's too painful.

I'm not sure I completely understand how you will go from managing your finances to struggling. Why would you put yourself in a position where you will have issues paying bills?

All this is none of my business, which I why I can't comment. The others are encouraging you to go for it and I just want you to be happy, wherever you end up.

The bond between us is back to being severed. I don't think it ever truly healed or maybe the delicacy of it was unable to bear anymore scrutiny...

I do love you and care about your well-being but the things that come out of your mouth are continually disrespectful and cutting remarks.

I know now that it's not something that will be mended. To do that, you would have to change your behaviour, attitude and I don't see that happening.

You have a blindspot when it comes to being civil to me. No of course it is not all bad and I can have the odd conversation with you in short bursts.

However thinking about it.. In relation to certain subjects. Your philosophy stinks and I enjoy your company less. I share very little.

I wish that you were aware of how you alienate me. That you could see, hmmm, maybe I should be more considerate and less damaging..

I will linger around but I have always known, in my case, water has always been and will continue to be thicker than water.

Strangers are more decent than people I know. People I grew up with or befriended..

It shouldn't be the case but it is. 

If I said.......

I'm unhappy but things will be okay..... All you would hear would be, so you're okay then? Great. Moving on, back to me....

If I said I wanted to share something...

You would say....... Oh look at the time, I have to call someone and by the way a weird thing happened with blah d blah and did you know.......?

You're an expert at talking over me and not distinguishing when I'm rambling and when I really desperately need an ear and a sympathetic one at that!!!

Shrugs... It is what it is and has always been. It's not spite but neither is it love.