#BlogLife200 - The woman behind the blog

I feel like I've come a long way from the scaredy girl to afraid to open up to people.

From my humble beginnings on the discontinued Pointblog to here on Blogger.

I even had my own website at one point but just like LiveJournal my brain was constantly fried trying to tweak this and that and I just missed someone else doing it and letting my focus remain on the story telling or sharing about my day.

It's funny how I can wake up or be brushing my teeth and my brain is relaying the next post before I scramble to my laptop and type it all out.

Usually it's asmr in the background so that I don't get sidetracked but today we have music.

Specifically a random playlist that is on the classic Terence Trent D'Arby, Wishing Well song.

I still haven't got the words memorised ha. I'm still going to change the template every so often when I get tired of it and then realise way too late, something has disappeared.

Last time it was Twitter grr. Recent changes have been to add the Twitter feed so even if you don't follow, you can see what I'm thinking about inbetween publishing posts or you can skip it.

I also added AgonyLife because I miss giving tips and advice that I think would benefit other people.

I'm not an expert and this is just my thoughts which may or may not apply to you but hopefully will assist you in some way or get you thinking :)

There's also BookLife which thankfully isn't a whole book because who has time for that, aside from my Wattpad creations which are just the start and I hope to get better with each new title.

I feel like I am exercising my creative mind. I know they aren't mainstream but I've never been a regular type of woman, understandably my fiction will attest to that.

It's just short bursts of mini tales to break up your day or kill some time, while you're munching or sipping.

I am starting to recover from the stress and unease of being without a boiler.

There is just this nagging feeling it isn't properly fixed and the hot water takes so much longer to come out of the taps than before.

My face is mostly smooth with some blotches. This weekend I'll do my face wash. I threw away the mask because it was stuck at the bottom of the tube.

I don't feel like I need it for right now. I didn't realise Himalaya has a whole brand of face washes that I never saw before so after this Vitamin C is done, I'll try them out.

I think I've struggled a lot to modify things because I get easily overwhelmed and assume I won't be able to complete it.

Having Bloglovin was easy but I didn't know how to set it up on the blog.

I eventually worked it out and was mostly happy with it, until the spam of sleaze took it over and management was content to sit back and do nothing.

Then began the long search as feedburner died and I didn't know again what I was doing.

It's as though I need someone to shout and say in bold, hey you, you there, do this...... Follow my words to the letter.

I cycled through a few and each one made no sense. I can understand a tiny bit of tech-speak but after that I'm shrugging.

Follow It seemed logical and packed full of free features so I registered and got puzzled and they bailed me out and took over to finish setting it up.

As for my childhood, I feel split sometimes it feels like it wasn't that bad and other times I recall the times I was convinced I was going to end up in A&E.

For some reason the threat of violence lingered in the air and I was convinced they were going to snap and there would be bloodshed.

In some ways it was worse than being hit because it was creeping around, constantly on high alert. It never stopped.

On the numerous police raids I think I'm beginning to realise that had I not bitten my tongue and held back and confessed what was really going on to the officers...

I don't think they would have kicked me out of the home. I actually think I would have been evicted and disowned by my own mama.

I assume that is the real reason I never spoke up. I looked right at the police and opened my mouth and closed it.

Anger, rage and disgust doesn't even scratch the surface of my feelings.

Or maybe if I was beaten they would have been kicked out? Who knows?! Highly doubtful given the way she covered for them.

Maybe I'll finally be free when they are both no longer on this earth? 

Then I'll never be forced to mingle with them and be polite, waiting waiting for the anger to rise and staring at the door for my exit strategy..

I recall halting like a statue. Willing my breath to stop. Frozen and unable to move. Hoping my body would shrink into itself and I would disappear completely inside myself.

Friendships, I'm too exhausted to think about forming. Relationships? I'll continue living them out through my stories.

It's much safer that way. I'm no trouble and should never have be seen that way from everybody.

I'm currently playing Candy Crush for looney rewards but it's fun actually.

Oh and if you have never tried Woodoku, that's not what I thought it was. It reminds me of Tetris but there isn't falling blocks.

It's more like a puzzle and when you make a line it disappears and you score points. It's challenging.

Still working on the Lethal Curves Ahead and some BookLife fiction pieces.

Health wise I don't feel stiff anymore. I'm having 6/7 hours of sleep, not ideal but a little more than usual.

I just chopped my nails short because they looked long and pretty but they kept chipping so I had to even them out.

I'll leave you with this....

When I was shopping for tissues because I still can't get them at Iceland.

I asked the newsagent, where they were and he pointed and said, back in the usual spot, I shook my head.

He came and handed me toilet rolls. I had to act out a sneeze for full sized tissues as he was handing me pocket teeny tiny tissues.

Then he finally said Oh we're out. I rolled my eyes and said, you should have mentioned that then....

Who doesn't know the difference between toilet rolls and tissues????

Dodo!! I'm currently relying on an orange bumper pack of compact tissues, unless Iceland delivers me some tomorrow....

Keep your fingers crossed for me due to the fact I am not an actress!!