#BlogLife618 - The family mood

Song of the day - Touch Me - Poonam Singh/Natural Black

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37-3k80VKsY&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=1

When I'm surrounded by family I feel some repressed anger and resentments come out.

I feel I've spared their feelings enough and it's not nice but a part of me feels better for telling the truth as I see it because no matter how respectful I say certain things it's ignored.

I can only repeat myself so many times calmly before I snap. Mama has selective hearing and can be hurtful, meaning or not meaning too.

I just feel hormonal at present so that just makes everything worse I miss blogging so I don't think I'll post this but the others I have saved up.

On the whole we are getting on well but she brings up things which irritate me.

For example, lets load up your bags with leftovers when you leave and I have explained a million times, that my hands collapse with chronic pain with the strain of carrying heavy objects.

They crick, they get sore, they stiffen and the more I use them, I suffer a lot, so I avoid overloading them.

So spitefully, I just matter of fact retorted, Oh you know what I did when you filled my bags?

I threw all your food in the nearest bin and she was surprised but said Alright you don't need to take it with you.

What does she not understand about chronic pain?? I just get vex and vex and this time I did not apologise because I wanted it to hit home, that she is causing me physical pain and it's not great to deal with.

If it's prolonged pain, it can get to the point, where I can't use my hands at all without screaming in agony.

I do not want to reach that far. Why should I suffer needlessly to make her feel better??

She's well aware of my limitations and yet, it's the same argument over and over.

Enough!!

That really wasn't a big deal as confrontations go but I think another issue I have with her, is the other usual one.

My ears bleed hearing her praise the other two psychopaths as though they are good people, while my name is barely spoken in any depth or detail.

I've realised that although she's read past stories and enjoyed them, she hasn't read any of the latest ones.

Aka the BookLife set because as much as she claims to want to read them, she can't be bothered.

I feel like at least if she read some of the longer ones, she would get a better sense of me and my writing.

But I have too much pride to beg her and I really shouldn't have too anyway, is my feeling.

I think she's embarrassed of me being a writer. I don't think she respects that choice at all.

If I was a millionaire bestseller it would be different, she would have something to brag about.

I assume that's why she doesn't tell anyone. It's a dirty secret from her waste of space daughter, that's how she makes me feel.

But I'm proud of my abilities and happy that I have this gift. In person I may not be the most sociable, but in writing form, you can't get me to be silent ha :)

My good mood isn't shaken now that I've shared that with you, I feel better about myself.

I've never claimed to be the best, but I'm not talentless either!!

It's 11.26pm on New Year's Eve but I'm freezing cold and stiff so want to sleep soon.

Happy New Year to you and you and you :)

Have you tried the Terry's chocolate orange egg? I assumed I would hate it because of an orangey goo inside but it's nothing like that.

Just blended orange flavouring which is tasty. Plus we just sampled the Terry's snowball bar which taste similar to something else, that we can't recall.

No goo once again just a different sort of blend, I recommend them both. Not over-sweetened.

It's been a strange day, I went off meat and desserts just because of hormones.

I just opted for plain roti with butter for breakfast and dinner was a fried egg sandwich.

There were snacks in between like bombay mix, crisps, grapes, yoghurt.

Corfresh products were always seasoned well but over salted but the Gujarati Mix is yummy and mild, it just needed nuts added.

Oops I've been spelling that wrong all this time, it's Cofresh. My mistake.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll go back to less cramps and a better appetite.

I'm sorry that some themes are recurring but being at home with family, that's what happens.

I feel small and insignificant and have to build my self-esteem back up each time.

I do feel better sharing it and it's always better not to suffer in silence but it might make boring reading.

Which is why I'm still sprinkling BookLife and the Spoofs around, until I return home.

You may or may not have read them before but I feel it's all relevant and entertaining.