#BlogLife751 - What is J after?/ The reason I'm not attracted to younger men..

This weekend I thought I would observe T's behaviour. I just found him peculiar.

It's almost like he was keeping tabs on me but from a distance. He wouldn't say Hi on chat, but when I left, an hour or so later, he'd text and start a conversation.

Almost as though, either he didn't want to compete with others I was chatting too or he himself was trying to find someone, failed and then I was the slim pickings/default/leftovers??

I didn't like that at all. Plenty of half text sessions, where he would leave part way through and then randomly text really late and continue it.

I want someone to text me if they are missing me, have news or fancy spending time with me.

I don't accept someone is bored and everyone else is busy so you're left to entertain them, nope, nope, nope.

I ended up blocking him. I didn't tell him honestly because I doubt he would care either way. I certainly don't.

Next, ha, last night up pops J's text, with a new number and yet another explanation.

Honestly that cracked me up. I just looked at it and thought, Why do you keep texting me?

It's obvious you don't want to stay in contact but yet you can't keep away? I couldn't stop laughing.

Do I reply? Do I ignore? This is what he basically said in the text at 10.30pm at night..

Hi, this is J. I love that he is the only one to re-introduce himself, he wants me to know, exactly who is texting from this new number.

That makes me laugh, as no other random does that, they just say Hi and not, Hey it's X..

Anyway, he said the company makes him change his number, every time he travels home, aka America or New York, can't recall exact details.

But he lives over here, part of the time. (I wonder why, he never contacts me in the day time)?

Does he conscience only bother him at night? Ha.

He said Sorry I didn't call, I'm seeing someone now but it wasn't you.

I just thought Hmm, I should be gutted at this double rejection. As though he's screaming, just to further clarify, I Don't Want You!

But actually the whole thing just tickled me so I thought, Alright let's just reply and make him know, I'm doing just peachy without him :)

I just simply said. Of course it wasn't moi. I'm too fabulous, (which I am)!

And I thought right, that's reassured him, I'm not weeping or pining over him, that is that and he won't reply.

Then somehow, he kept texting, I kept replying. I shared some vulnerabilities, without the context, as I thought, well, I won't be hearing from him again and that was the sombre mood I was in.

And I think he liked that human side of me. Then just before 1am, he called and we ended up having another sorta heart to heart.

He seemed to think I was devastated by the rejection but I wasn't.

I think because previously we had gotten on well, had a laugh and so forth and I was convinced he would want to stay in touch but he didn't due to personal problems and so forth.

Then I was going through hardships myself, with multiple injuries.. It was just more surprising than anything.

He seemed to care about what I thought of him?! He wanted to be in my good graces.

Still not sure why? Maybe he needs to be liked  by everyone? Or maybe he senses the type of person that I am.

Not really giving of myself or my time that readily but when I do, I want to know, it means something.

He did say that He liked me and didn't want to part on bad terms so I guess I made some sort of semi lasting impression.

I'm not hung up on him anymore. He's too flighty and unreliable.

We parted company and I think he said Do you want me to contact you tomorrow?

And I replied, That is up to you because either way. It wouldn't change anything.

I'm unattached, I can do as I please. He isn't and I'm not chasing someone that's not my preference.

I doubt he will be in touch and that will be that. The air has been cleared.

Although he did say....... Am I forgiven now? I feel like you wanted vengeance??

And I just laughed and said No, Maybe, I did but that he wasn't completely off the hook.

I wasn't upset but there are times when guys let themselves exist without a conscience, treat women badly and are okay with it.

I think I wanted him to be aware, how he treats people, can impact them, so try not to mess them around or lead them on because it's not respectful.

That was it, I didn't say the above to him but I think he gets it and I think he was kinda shocked and disappointed, not to have his apology just blindly accepted.

He's not a keeper but even the fly by nights, still have to be made aware of their behaviour.

All this game playing and I want you, I don't want you. I'm just bored or I'm telling you what I think you want to hear..

Is the reasons that I don't like younger men at all. They don't know what they want.

They are fascinated with older women, that are mature and have lived and have had lots of varied life experiences......

Yet, they never bring that maturity along. It's always, Oh yea, I'm playing the field, am interested in casual hook ups.

They don't listen to what I'm saying, they just wanna fix me and be the hero.

Well with me babe, things would be different, blah blah blah. Zzzzzz

If I was to date properly again. I would do the same thing, I did in my past.

Get to know him slowly, talk over a period of a few months, if all checks out, aka, he is single, local, respectful and really listens without judging, then I would consider possibly, arranging a get together.

But before that? Nope. I need to be comfortable. I need to know that if I'm putting myself out there, it's worth it.

It's all quite scary still, even decades later. I still sense that air of danger of being cornered..

Enough rambling, enjoy the rest of your day, see you tomorrow maybe :)