#BlogLife113 - Hanging on beyond reason...

Why do we do it to ourselves? We know what the outcome has to be and yet we hang on and hope for something preferable instead.

It's like we are kidding ourselves and refusing to face the reality of the painfully obvious situation. 

I mean sure you can wish but eventually, you have to suck it up and realise, you can't change the facts.

I've now uninstalled Whatsapp because what is the point of keeping it? 

I only put it on chromebook for one person and he is just busy doing his own thing, so be it.

I wanted a different result and he'll probably turn it around and say he was waiting for me but I childishly sent the last irritated message so the ball was in his court, is my defence.

I was only looking to be a part of someone's life, not take over or be left out of it completely. Surely there should be a compromise somewhere?

I have to delete the emails now and the one with his number is staring at me, ha!

The truth is, I do think about him and miss him but not enough to get in touch because looking back on everything..

I don't see him as invested or accepting of how all this is affecting me. It's all unfamiliar and I don't know if how I am feeling is normal but it is real and valid.

If I were to hazard a guess, I assume he wants someone more experienced, more sure of themselves and what they want or need.

It's all too puzzling for me due to the notion that I thought/think I want a certain lifestyle but having never lived it before. How can I possibly know if it's for me??

I can't fast forward and be a perfect girlfriend, I have to stumble and figure it out as I go along, that requires time, that nobody seems to want to give me....

And if that is the case, then they are obviously unsuitable and I need someone more patient and understanding.

Damn sometimes ghosts, should just stay in the past and not the future. After that depressing thought, his emails are deleted, well all but the one with his number... For reference sake only.

I normally block guys on messenger/email but I don't want to do that this time but I will also just try and forget him now, Wish me luck?

One last thought. How would you feel, if someone said they were in regular contact with their exes? And that they miss them?

I feel like he has an answer for everything, all my queries, in a neat lil bow. I mean, I understand it's different for me, my exes were awful and I wanted nothing more to do with them..

However it's a red flag to me, to be told there is constant contact and he misses her. He says it was a mixed time but they still mean a lot to each other...

I just don't want to compete with his ghost, on top of all the other problems between us.

Goodbye N and take care.