#BlogLife1013 - Salad brekkie and blank greetings

I had intended to add to the Chatty Chicks post I started yesterday when I watched Bridgerton season 4, episode 1 but that one will be long enough.

I don't know if there is enough material but I'll try to pack it in. I just got back from a late brekkie with Mama, oof a really nice sunny day actually.

It was so blinding I almost took out my sunnies. It's cold but we did a bit of shopping in the Market so we warmed up fast.

Plus we were sitting next to the heater so that was handy. She had a big fry up, eggs, toast, mushroom, beans and I was asked if I wanted salad or chips with the chicken panini and I went with salad.

I wasn't hungry but I'm glad I ate, only the salad, it was funny because they added a bit of avocado and one huge olive which was yummy.

Could have done with more of that but it was fine, red cabbage, coleslaw, carrots, alsorts and after that I was full, but now I'm munching the panini.

She gave me a whole bunch of snacks, she wanted me to try the chocs I bought for her and other things, I'll talk about later.

Then we looked for the food stall but he must have permanently moved because there is no excuse not to be there, which is a shame.

But then Mama spotted a Kebabish restaurant and they do a mix of alsorts, we shared expenses for both meals.

I paid mostly for the cafe which was £24 for both our meals and then the Kebabish was like £16 and she mostly paid and I offered extra incase she needed.

I didn't know they did samosas, only meat or veggie, pass. I didn't see spring rolls.

But they had the chicken wrap for £3 or if you wanted another kebab inside, £4, with salad and mayo so that was the same value.

Plus veggie pakoras and Mama got a veggy samosa. Slow abrupt service but the price is good, 4x bags of pakoras, 2x each, small bags but enough inside for a few meals or munchies.

All that is good to help me budget better, providing the taste is good and it's not too spicy, oops forgot to ask about that.

I'm trying to finish the panini as the bread is going hard, but after 1 piece, as it's cut into 3, I'm full again.

I have to plug in the blankie and put away the food. 

As we were heading to the bus stop, one of Mama's friends stopped her and was all smiles and friendliness..

We greeted L back but were totally perplexed. Why? She stopped talking to Mama, completely ghosted her with no explanation whatsoever.

Mama even said, I tried reaching out but maybe you changed your number and zero response to that.

Why do people do that? She specifically stopped us, we didn't even see her..

I don't see the point, if you wanna sever a friendship fine, but why say Hello?

Me and Mama don't chase, we'll make the effort for a short while, but if there is no reply, ta ta to you.

I can't believe all my nightwear hasn't dried yet, I've hung them out, some new, some old and they are still damp.

So I'm wearing an old baggy top instead.

Actually I think the haircut turned out better than I thought, the ends seem to flick up naturally.

Oh that's so crazy, I'm full but I was craving dessert and I forgot Mama said she bought some jalebis for me, so so good.

I broke off a tiny piece and now I have to pack it away and do the UC stuff.

With all these snacks I don't need to buy anymore, there will be foodie reviews and maybe pictures, if I can be bothered on Twitter at some point.

I have to remove my makeup too, well looks like there was enough to talk about.

Lounging feels so good I don't want to get up. I found the energy levels and walking surprisingly bearable today but the body is stiffening up and the achiness will hit me.

Plus carrying a heavy bag, I'll be paying for that tomorrow maybe, feeling raw or tender or something but I feel good.

Oh and the last thing that made us laugh, was us asking if those were pakoras or onion bhajis and the response coming back....

Same thing.... Err no they are not, they have distinctive flavours but on closer inspection, they looked like pakoras, so we'll talk and review them later.

Although I don't know if I want to eat again later after I slowly munch the rest of the sandwich.

I don't think I'll be hungry and right on queue, the hand pain begins, it needs to rest but I can't, got the UC crap to deal with..

#BlogLife468 - I can't give up the fizz

Afternoony Poppets.

How was the weekend adventures? Me? Well it was a mixed bag of nuts.

I rested a lot which was good but I felt really weird at the same time. Cramps, some nausea and this heavy feeling washing over my body.

It's probably just pmt and the nagging cough that comes and goes from a chill I caught doesn't help the situation.

It just won't seem to pass, sipping a sugar free drink helps for a while and then I return to my stomach being unsettled.

Plus my injuries are playing up, pain wise but I'm sure it will improve soon or in a few days.

I did have a deliciously deep sleep and that always benefits me, plus lovely naps during lunchtime.

Ooh I think most of Mama's perfumes are arriving this week, one of the sellers is away so that's not due soon.

I had a strange Ebay pop up which said one of the products I bought, the saline, there was some issue and the listing is being removed.

I haven't even opened it yet, it's just sitting there in a bundle. I've bought from them before and never had a problem.

I wonder if it's a quality control thing? Or a customer made a complaint. Who knows?!

I'm all about the bargains and saving money. I purchase from whoever sells it the cheapest and bulk buying works out to be better value.

That's pretty much how I control my spending and don't get in debt. I try to be careful.

Are you a fussy eater? Do you still refuse to eat certain things? For me when I was lil, I just remember being picky about cooked vegetables, I couldn't stand the mushy consistency but raw I loved.

I was never a big spice fan and my parents loaded and loaded it into food which turned me right off it.

They thought I would get used to it but no I can tolerate really mild, mild flavouring but that's it and not often.

I guess broccoli and brussel sprouts I found the least appetising but it's all about the seasoning.

I remember being in hospital recovering from having my tonsils and adenoids out.

It was definitely pre teen era and I was freaked out about being alone. I don't remember talking to any kids, fellow patients.

It was a long long time ago though. I just wondered when I was going to be allowed to leave.

I'm not sure why I recall certain memories and others are blank. I remember the nurse calling me into this tiny room, trying to give me the anaesthetic and her not finding my veins for a long time.

I don't know if they testing to see if I was allergic to it, prior to the operation but my head was spinning and I was either going to faint or vomit or both and she said, wait outside, we'll try again soon.

I was just thinking damn, let it be over. Eventually I just remember this patch being on my hand and the rest is a blur.

It was successful. I could eat ice cream but there was no appetite at all, just soreness.

Later on I recall them serving broccoli with I'm not sure if it was mash but it was the blandest thing ever.

I took a bite and refused anymore. It was only when at home the seasoning and spices were added, did I grow to love veggies, lightly cooked with the crunch remaining.

It just needed some cooking with love, to taste better.

#BlogLife328 - Dead stories or dead writer?

I'm still really stressed waiting for something to resolve. I didn't have the best night sleep, woke up every few hours so finally at 7amish I just made myself rest, instead of getting up.

And a few hours later, no nausea or pain and I felt more rejuvenated. Ok now the pain is starting to kick in slowly.

Normally I'll have the current stories or something random playing in my head, evolving the plot but for a long time now, that hasn't happened.

I just don't think I'm relaxed enough. There's always something that seems to ruin my mood and I'm trying really hard to be pro active and not let chores pile up but nothing is quite working out.

My nails looked good long but I just chopped them short again, much easier to deal with.

I think I'll challenge myself to post either a story, fiction piece or a wattpad chapter before the week is out.

Maybe that will get me fired up. I wonder if it's safe to put wipes in the freezer for a bit. I was storing them in the fridge but they don't seem that cold or full of moisture.

I thought I would experiment and stick them in the freezer for a bit to see how it compares.

I really miss the Mr Freeze ice poles, they seem to contain the least excess sugar and flavourings but they are never in stock.

I'm going to get the milk lollies and some Barratts milkshake lollies. Apparently at least the milk ones are the healthiest to get in terms of calories, sometimes I'm not hungry or I just want something sweet or cooling during summer.

Those seem to fit the bill. When I was consuming ice cream, my favourites were the cornettos, feast, magnum and cookies and cream as most of those had the yummy nuts included.

But they are all tooo sweet and calorific and I'm still trying to make more sensible choices.

As for the new template thing. I think I've just gotten tired of trying to find a theme that embodies me, instead of something feminine and cute that looks more put together and less sloppy.

I hate that the white font is hard to read and if I can find a way to change it without messing up the other fonts I'll do it eventually. but it took me so long to find something that displayed correctly and that I loved so I don't want to mess it up.

#BlogLife322 - Tuesday's waffle

If you are wondering how the Aveeno lotion and the vaseline type substance of Cocoa Butter are working, well..

It's the type of products that are good in the moment and effective but once you stop using them, you lose the benefits.

Temporary band-aid, short term, not long term relief from dry skin.

That's why I've never understood the Cocoa Butter hype, for me it's just meh and never worth the money.

Oops I've just checked myself out in the full length mirror as I forgot to do that earlier and my lips look so dry.

They don't feel it but I usually put lip balm to soften, blot it, then lip gloss that has a tint of pink, purply or honey and then a clear thick sparkly or non sparkly gloss to finish it off, so that it looks smooth.

It's actually a nice soft shade of pink for darker skin but it needed to be blended.

This is my excuse. I totally forgot I wasn't wearing face masks anymore and excitedly applied it and couldn't find the clear gloss so I left thinking it looked alright.

I didn't want to miss my bus and what happened? It was running late, stupid people didn't store away their luggage/oversized bags..

I got pushed out before reaching the Market and the next bus stalled. Good job I was early anyway to do bits and pieces.

I decided to raid Tesco and the fridge section was restored so I grabbed some chicken pasta, avocado sandwiches and wraps plus cream/jam doughnuts and that was it.

Only at the checkout she said it's easier to get the meal deal, add a drink but at that point my body was locking up so I passed.

Nice to be home and relaxing, I have been fighting nausea again, so feel a fraction dizzy.

Hopefully after munching will nap or at least lounge and re-hydrate.

I wore this fire top and plain trousers and for the first time didn't wear a top underneath. I felt so naked lol.

The wind kept blowing my top, slightly up but I didn't flash anyone. Those days are long gone....

#BlogLife242 - Beauty impaired

I set my alarm early for about 8amish and thought I would get ready and leave early to avoid queues and crowds. I slept through the first or both of them but it was only 8.30am so wasn't too bad.

I didn't leave until 11amish. I don't know why it takes me so long to get ready but it does. I washed my hair and decided to do half up/half down and tie the remaining.

I'm not sure how it looked from the back but the front was tidy. I have grey hairs prominently displayed at the front fringey bit but I am not really bothered.

I feel so old as it is, grey hairs are nothing to freak out about. I didn't have to wait to long for the buses and there are other bits I could have done but I didn't want to tire myself out.

Today was about beauty. I decided it was long overdue and finally opted to get my brows tidied. Wow. I have shape again, they look so good.

The first thing though was the luxury pedicure, the chair has a percussion and shiatsu massage so while my tootsies are soaking I can mostly chill out.

Altogether it was £28 and because it was practically empty she was so thorough. I felt like I had about 3 leg massages. The scrub, the cream and maybe soap?

I'm not sure but that part was totally luxurious, however the pain was creeping in and started to get really painful and I wasn't doing anything but holding onto the chair rest.

When I was lifting my legs to take them in and out of the warm water for the treatment. I felt this immense pain. It was uncomfortable but the massages help.

I was trying to take some deep breaths and stay light and fluffy but it was a challenge. It's not usually this bad but I strained my legs with the mopping and maybe that's why.

I kinda feel a bit dead in certain areas of my body, any little bit of exertion and it's torture. There is more tidying to do but I'll either get to it later or tomorrow.

I did wear that new purply wrap top today and found some blue trousers I had forgotten about. Also a brand new pair of beige trousers that are just a tad snug.

They still have the tags on so I'll keep them for a while and see if I can eventually fit into them.

I went with Pret A Manger, my favourite sandwich shop and bought the chicken and avocado sandwich, plus the chicken katsu baguette.

I overbuy and then stuff them in the fridge as I knew I would not want to be standing cooking/heating up anything.

#BlogLife233 - Same ol same ol

When you go out to eat, to your favourite restaurant or cafe, do you order the same thing? Or do you experiment?

Do you ask for recommendations or are you like me, who plays it safe and orders the same thing each time because it's a guaranteed pleasure experience?

Pain wise I was doing good until I shifted positions. I don't know if it's the cold mornings or some strained muscles but ouchy ouchy. It's still not good and usually it settles down and stops being this intense by now.

I'll give myself a heated shiatsu massage over the weekend and see if that helps. It's weird that being stationary I don't really feel the pain but as soon as I move and forget there was even discomfort, I really feel it strongly.

I'm trying to get more sleep and exercise more. I still don't handle pain very well and I should be used to it but exacerbated pain just gets to me and it's harder to push it aside and pretend it isn't there.

I think about trying a new place, maybe sushi or mexican but then I think, what if I hate it and that is money wasted.

I love avocado in sandwiches and salads, rice I'm not fussed about. I'm not a big fan of tuna, but salmon I like and chicken is good.

I've never tried Korean fried chicken. I'm curious about how it compares. Is it saltier, spicier, crispier?

One day I shall take the plunge. Especially as it is twice or three times the amount I would splurge on another cuisine and smaller portions.

I just feel like an old woman. My mind is young but my body just can't handle much. It's just so fragile.

#BlogLife217 - Giving J the boot

Good afternoony all :)

Sorry for the late post but I have just gotten in from my market run.

I had intended to pick up lunch and a few other bits from that high quality supermarket but I got sidetracked..

Today to celebrate the end of the toothache, I decided to wear the new ensemble I bought.

Little did I realise that I had made a colossal boo boo. As it happens, both the trousers that I purchased from Yours Clothing are too big for me.

I had looked at similar trousers I owned and guessed the size to be honest, I figured it was a safe bet.

I actually convinced myself it would be too tight. Eek, big mistake. I love the style and one is actually thickly lined.

It was really windy and rainy today but I felt most toasty and comfortable.

I need a belt or something to pinch it together as I cannot be bothered to return them and it's just the waist that is far too loose sadly.

I wore the black kickflare trousers with the new shoe/boots that look childish but are surprisingly comfy to walk in.

Those are a keeper too, even if I don't necessarily like the look of them.

I did try to style my hair but it was too messy so I did twin ponytails instead.

There was a hint of purple eyeshadow but that's washed away. Oh and I teamed it with the pink/silver hearted jumper.

Now to the information pertaining to the title.... As I was striding along listening to music..

I saw a guy that looked lost or confused, he was trying to get my attention so I whipped of the headphones to help and it turns out......

He wanted to ask me out for coffee... I was gobsmacked. He was cute but you readers know, I don't date.

Now here is where it gets peculiar. He noticed my boot/shoes and loved them, just like the other guy and he is an interior designer also.

At this point, my head is exploding and I am wondering if it is the same guy but I don't think it is him.

Strange coincidence though. He says he liked the rocker vibe and is a DJ too.

I told him that I hate the footwear but it's comfy. I'm in two minds about whether or not to accept his offer for a drink.

I told him I needed half an hour to do a few things and would meet him in the coffee shop.

I guess I figured he would be long gone as he seemed to be just passing through.

I did do a weird thing to be honest and we swapped numbers to let him know when I was ready and when I was done I texted him.

I kinda didn't really expect a reply. I was 50/50 about it. Quite tired and achey but he did text and together we walked to a coffee shop on the way to the bus stop.

Then it started raining a bit hard and he asked me what I wanted and at that point I was just thirsty so I got my trusty fanta with lots of ice and he got a cappucino.

I had to delve a bit into my health aspects and was upfront about not looking for anything romancey.

But we seemed to have a pleasant time talking and laughing. He even wanted to get together at the end of the week but I still feel exhausted so I said I would be in touch.

I was supposed to text already but I wanted to get this blog out and feast on my Pret A Manger order.

Men can wait. They haven't been my priority for a long time and as I sat there, I felt more confident, more myself than I usually do in these situations.

It could have been the new clothes, it certainly wasn't the footwear, why that is the new obsession, I'll never know but I guess my naivete is gone.

I'm not desperate to escape my homelife. I can just pick and choose where I want to be.

I doubt he or most can comprehend how exhausting it is to use my limbs and still have energy for anything else.

I want to have a nap but I'm a bit too wired for that. I'll continue binging Bob and Margaret.

#BlogLife212 - One munchie or two?

I've just tried out the Fibre One lemon drizzle cakes. 90 calories and a 5 pack, it's tasty, not too sweet or sour.

Fair size, not soft or hard, just a medium texture and chewy and delicious. 

I really want to try the chocolate one now, it's £1.25 in Iceland. 

I've also bought the Young Gastro's salmon, spinach and cheese puff pastry but I didn't taste any spinach.

That is very tasty. I highly recommend trying it out. They have a nacho cheese and cod but without the pastry. I'm not sure if I'll buy that too.

And on a non food note. I tried the Astonish peony scented toilet bowl tablets. You just drop them in either for a few minutes, scrub and then flush or leave overnight.

Although they are effective. I was expecting a heavier, fill up the bathroom with a sweet perfume odour. It's very faint and doesn't linger, which disappointed me.

I don't like spice but I've been craving sweet chilli sauce or something other than coleslaw or hummus.

I bought the Original Blue Dragon sweet chilli sauce for a £1 and it's not too sweet at all.

It's very mild heat and just adds a bit of taste to anything bland. I paired it with the veggy sausages just for fun. Lush!

I'm happy that all the clothes I ordered, came quickly, 2 days later and I don't have to send them back as they fit mostly nicely.

I'm just finding it hard to get the really heavy thick long skirts and just some cute casual long sleeved tops that aren't plain.

British fashion for plus sized females is soooooo dull. Skulls, flowers or nothingness.

Who the hell wants to wear that??? If I go on Amazon, the sellers from across the world have gorgeously stylish, vibrant attire that I feel feminine wearing and it isn't drab.

I don't know why this country can't keep up. That's another reason so many people shop online, not only for sizes but it's a whole range of delicious looks to suit everybody.

#BlogLife208 - RIpping 'N' Stripping *update*

I had a ghastly night's sleep. I went to bed early, got comfy but I just felt emotionally wired, physically I was done for the day but I managed maybe a few hours.

Considering I had a morning of trying not to throw up from pmt symptoms. I felt really lighthearted and good today.

The pain was starting to get excruciating but now I'm home I can lounge and rest and savour lunch.

I bought a chicken panini with a side salad, cashews and what looks like chocolate croissants from my favourite international supermarket.

I only really like the almond and regular croissants but I thought this place screams top notch quality so I'll give it a try.

Actually it's not croissants, it's a really dry pastry with good quality chocolate encased inside. 

They are called Cocoa Milnayas. The secret is to heat them for 2 minutes in the microwave and it is so much nicer.

The pastry doesn't go soft and soggy ick, it's just more palatable and easier to munch.

I wouldn't buy them again but it was something different :)

I scoured for my Armandine cakes but alas they were no more. Too lush for words.

I went shopping for a new leave in conditioner and I've always wanted to sample the Mane N Tail products so I bought the leave in conditioner spray to see if I like it.

I don't usually purchase premium products. The price is so much steeper and it doesn't feel like me.

I'm more of a bargain hunter but with certain things, it is worth it for the genuine quality that comes out of it.

It has a sickly sweet bubblegum scent which I'm not keen on, my hair is dry but I thought spritz a few times to see what the effects are.

I'm also going to try it on damp hair and with the curlers on it should be adorable :)

I have greasy thin hair and a dry scalp. I need a super product. Ooh talking of my hair, wowser.

It looks so cute today. I popped in curlers and it's above my shoulders now and it had this fancy slight wave to it and it suited me.

I really just didn't have the time or energy to style it properly so I cheated and pinned it up.

I didn't realise that my beloved jacket has a rip at the back :( Holy moly. It's 10 years old!!!

It really held up well. I bought it from Amazon and it was not cheap but a gorgeous old fashioned design with ruffles at the back.

Also a waterfall top I bought maybe a year ago has a tear at the front :(

I need to order some new clothes. I'll go browsing when I'm less wiped out.

I used the leave in conditioner liberally spraying all over my dry hair, left it and it's not greasy or sticky.

My hair feels soft, my scalp feels moisturised. I don't have excess volume, except at the back for some reason.

My hair falls flat when pinned up and tends to stay that way. I'll be interested in how it works on my hair that's damp.

It's an improvement on other greasy products that claim to be weightless though. Pfft!

Day 2 my hair is normally greasy now but today it just feels more or less normal.

I added 4 pumps of the leave in and I still have volume at the back of my hair, which is usually flat as a pancake.

My hair still feels smooth and nourished so it seems like a good investment at £4.80.

That's twice what I usually spend on hair stuff. It says on the bottle that it is a daily conditioner and hair strengthener. 

It's 178ml and quite a chunky bottle. I doubt I will use it daily but nice to know that I can without it making my hair over saturated and greasy.

Last review my new face wash I started using yesterday from Beauty Formulas.

It cost £1.50 and is the usual 150ml. It's a daily brightening vitamin c face wash.

It's a boring transparent colour considering the bright orange packaging.

I only use a little and it coats my whole face. It's a thick gel like substance.

I haven't tried it on my face brush yet. It's easy to rinse off and leaves my face totally refreshed and stripped clean of impurities, however still hydrated with moisture.

I'll let you know if it foams up later :) I just used it with the face brush.

Sadly it doesn't produce foam but it blends into the skin nicely and I would definitely recommend it.

The scent is a faint citrus. It's sweetish but not overpowering, it lingers a little and then fades.

My face is already glowing, as though I have makeup on. I have combination skin, dry and oily like my scalp.

*Update*

On further use, the face wash actually does foam up. I think I needed to spin the brush for at least a minute and then I see it's all foamy and glidey.

I've now noticed a lot of dry patches, around the edges of my face and under my eyes.

I'm not sure if it's due to the stormy weather, it's rainy and windy and quite chilly.

I don't think I would buy this brand again. As for the leave in conditioner.

I no longer smell the bubble gum sweetness that overpowered me on the first spritz.

Weird but it's way more tolerable now. I'm really tempted to try other products in the range now.

#Bloglife207 - Blinded by sauce

I was having tagliatelle beef and veggy pasta. I know I know, pasta again? I'm shameless but it's the one thing I never get fed up with.

I stuck the fork in to do the twirly fancy pants style and the sauce squirted into my left eye and over the laptop.

It wasn't burning and my eyes weren't flooding with tears but it did sting until I flushed my eyes. 

I don't think that has every happened before. The dangers of eating food.

I am a menace, purely accidentally of course. My six month old headphones broke, the band snapped.

Joyroom they were called and that's probably standard for me. I'm lucky if they last a whole year.

The good news is I get to try out the Beats set, the Christmas red pair I received.

So far they are super comfortable. I don't think they work too far from the connected base though.

When I was in the kitchen, they disconnected. I have been using them all day and are still at 90% so far so good.

They connected easily but it's always tricky with the multiple pairings, that takes a while of connecting and unpairing to get them both to work.

A strange thing is happening with the calls. I pre connect the headphones for calls and media.

I test it out on songs and it's fine but on the call itself, even though it says connected, no sound comes out of the headphones, only the phone.

Frustrating me a bit. I made sure it wasn't connected to any other device, it should work.

Maybe I am missing something but I can't think what.... 

It takes two hours to charge fully and the battery lasted a day and a half with heavy usage.

#BlogLife205 - Commotion with the motion

It's 8.42am in the UK and it's currently pouring down with rain. Iceland is usually an hour to two hours late so I stopped waking up early and instead gave myself 20 minutes.

Uh oh for maybe the second time they decide to turn up smack not only on time but precisely in the first 5 minutes of the time frame, eek.

I'm trying to hustle to get ready and I can't even get my lenses on ha. I just have to fling back on my nightie and shove my glasses on and hustle to the door.

I'm trying out the sugar free Vimto squash as it's been decades and it's actually lovely, very weak but delicious.

I sampled the Vimto raspberry orange and passionfruit but hated it. Then I opted for the blackberry, raspberry and blueberry and couldn't stand it either.

I don't think it was sweet it had this tang. Ick. I'll just stick with my beloved original childhood drink.

I put two bottles of water in the freezer to mix it with but I forgot to take it out so it's an icy block.

Later on when my stomach settles I'm going to have my homemade concoction.

I'm calling it a Hotissant. Instead of using wholemeal hotdog buns which are impossible to find anyway.

I use a croissant, normally fill it with olives, hummus but I forgot to buy that so I'll just have it with the Richmond veggie sausages instead.

It's lush. The one thing you'd think you would grow out of is travel sickness.

I've always had it, cars, buses, ferries etc. I think planes were the only exception but maybe if there was turbulence that would have been a different story.

It probably seems to take effect about an hour into the journey but sometimes less.

My face feels all warm and the air seems to dry up around me. If it wasn't undignified I would stick my head out the window like a puppy. 

I was probably the only one in school clutching a bag as we have numerous field trips to study nature.

I'm not sure if you're supposed to have breakfast but I usually can't tolerate eating first thing.

I don't know if I read it or someone mentioned sucking on a hard boiled sweet helps but I do try to have something in my bag for such occasions.

I loved the original and the fruits version of Foxes mints, they weren't too strong like polos.

However there are times when it just doesn't work. The other thing that is nice is the cooling mist.

That can really take the temperature of the face down. I guess try to relax and maybe listen to music at these times.

If you are pleasantly distracted the journey will go faster and you won't feel this embarrassment or panic set in.

#BlogLife151 - Ever experienced a phantom period?

I'm not crazy, promise but occasionally I do get these phantom periods. I have all of the usual pmt symptoms.. Nausea, cramps, irritability and the odd sensation of someone pinching my chest.

It's painful, not sure if anyone else experiences that? Very peculiar and not at all pleasant. I just feel really tired also and my sleep is a bit hit and miss.

I actually feel like I am bleeding but I am not. It's weird I just finished my period and expected all these feelings to be safely tucked away for next time but here they are.

Plus I am still craving sugary and chocolate things. I admit (holds hand up guiltily) that I went on a shopping splurge..

I bought these chocolate viennese biscuits, plantain chips, and Harry Ramsden sticky toffee pudding. Of course these items were all on offer as I never spend a lot on treats.

The pudding reminds me of being back at school, those steamed desserts with the dense strong toppings, it is quite sweet but the quality is outstanding.

I feel like it needs something bitter to offset the sweetness. Any ideas? I can only take a short sample of it but I am glad it is solid and not too soft as I dislike that consistency.

#BlogLife128 - I don't want to eat, I want to disappear

I can't wrestle my demons and control them and I keep letting the day wear on without eating or drinking anything until suddenly it is the middle of the afternoon.

Each hour that passes, I think of food/drink less and less. I don't feel the pangs. It becomes easier to wipe out the need for it.

I get up and wander to the kitchen. I look in the fridge and freezer and I don't want to take anything out.

I do it out of routine, not out of any pleasure. I chew endlessly and I am not enjoying the flavours. I can't spit it out and yet I don't want to swallow it either.

I have to get my head right so I can pretend to be normal. I don't want to talk but I am floating around places, lingering.

I used to cook and throw it away or sometimes eat half and then dispose of the rest.

Don't ask me why. I keep waiting to feel better but there is unrest.

I mean sometimes I can vent it out of me and leave it all on the page and breathe a sigh of relief afterwards but I can't seem to do that.

I think I just needed to admit that because now that some time has passed I feel different. 

I am back to eating routinely and thoughts of going without have left me.

#BloglIfe95 - Have I forgotten something?

You know that feeling when you are finished packing and you look around the room and think.. I have a feeling I am missing something?

That happens to me a lot. I am getting for ready for the weekend when I shall be off and I don't know if I will be writing BlogLife.

If I do it will not be a regular thing. Apologies but I don't feel creative at all at the moment. I am trying to make sure everything is charged as last time, the battery died.

I hate walking with chargers and they are all so unique but heavy. I use an electric toothbrush that I have never seen indicated that it is fully charged, even after half a day.

I should probably charge my epilator too, although that is fully restored in under an hour for maybe 30/40 minutes use so it lasts me ages as I only do my face and legs.

I doubt I will walk with my scholl foot file. I will just use it before I leave. My lips and elbows are cracked so much, no matter how much moisturiser I use, it makes no difference.

The only chargers I will walk with are the laptop and mobile as mama uses Apple for everything now and she doesn't have any spares.

My nails seem to be growing long but chipping at the same time, they barely ever feel strong, just weak but looking back at old nail pictures, they grow ridiculously long, they even look fake.

But I proudly showed them off as real. Do you prefer the round or square tip? Square for me is so much easier. I never did perfect the round tip, it always looked misshaped.

I have totally emptied my fridge and freezer so tomorrow I will nip to the market and pick up some bread and essentials. I don't know why Iceland is having another shortage of Kitchen Rolls at the moment.

It is really aggravating that only the expensive brand is left to buy so instead of paying a £1, I have to pay £5 for much tinier paper towels. Grrr!!!

Ooh her gifts were delivered yesterday and when I get up there I shall try out Kind cereal bars and let you know what I think of them.

Dark chocolate, almonds and peanuts, plus sea salt. I've never tried them before and bought a case. I'm hoping we enjoy them.

They are gluten free and low calorie apparently...

Weight off my mind

It was such a burden to grow up in a weight obsessed household. Every snack and meal scrutinised and then being mocked for having a healthy appetite. 

I couldn't stand it and then I remember the times when there was not enough money for food when my parents separated and I felt so hungry and frantic that when there was an abundance of food laying around I would overeat and enjoy the feeling of a happy full stomach.

I was pretty much a chubby teenager, not really into sports but always had my head stuck in a book absorbing knowledge and dreaming of a better place.

I went from gorging, to grazing and then bouts of eating nothing because I discovered I could. The problem was after the meal skips or going a day without eating it became harder to have a meal, although inside I was famished. 

I completely took it to heart, all the sideway looks I received and the disapproving tone when I was still peckish and possibly craving dessert. 

Nowadays I listen to my body and act accordingly to my needs. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full.

Three times my weight has drastically fluctuated from big to small because of severe stress and trying to adapt to having health issues and chronic pain. 

I can no longer do the workouts I used to do because it's too harsh so I have to adapt them or do alternatives which are less taxing but is making the weight loss very slow. 

I also keep injuring myself no matter how gentle it is and then have to rest up which is frustrating also.

Part of me would love to just not care and continue to be overweight and half happy in my skin but the other part remembers what it was like to not carry around extra stones and waltz into a store able to find my size in pretty much any outfit. 

Nowadays I shop online and to be honest there is much more variety and style. I am less forced to pick something I'm unsure about.

My wardrobe had gotten quite drab and boring with practical but unfeminine clothes but over the past few months I have updated it with some pretty skirts and my first two maxi dresses in very bold colours. 

I just don't know when I'll have the courage to wear them out.

If I'm completely honest there is another reason that I haven't been as dedicated to losing it and that is because I'm afraid I will be tempted to go back into the dating pool. 

It has not served me well at all and my energy needs to be directed at staying positive and upbeat which is hard enough to do, without adding a guy to stress me out into the mix.

I wished that when I was slim I had relaxed more and felt confident but I feel like there was always somebody chipping away at the little confidence I did have until I just wanted to be so skinny I'd turn invisible and blend into any background.

I do feel a lot stronger and now I am able to define myself as cute and then a head turner when I was in my teens/early twenties but I know that I would look and feel so much better if I trimmed down and made the effort to exercise regularly.

Brow beaten

I'm hoping the blog after this one will be more cheery as I have been venting quite a bit lately but it all helps me to cleanse my soul and purge out the negativity so I guess I shall continue blogging good or bad and hope for less stress and irritations coming my way.

I just got in not to long ago and had an idyllic lunch with my mum. It's been a while since I saw her as she was away on holiday.

We had a strained relationship for a while as she blamed me for my brother's behaviour and protected him to everyone's detriment but now she doesn't anymore and I don't feel the bitterness I once did. 

I am my own person and will take responsibility for my actions but noone elses.

She had a toasted egg sandwich and I had a toasted chicken salad panini it was delicious. 

I also bought a chicken and avocado baguette for tonight but I'm still stuffed so I may leave it for tomorrow. 

I also bought some soothers cough sweets because every other word seems to result in a coughing fit. 

I keep meaning to get a recommendation from the chemist but maybe tomorrow I'll find the time.

My last splurge was a triple bounty. I needed an energy surge and some calorific goodness. I haven't had one in years but I saw it as I was topping up my oyster card and just had to have it. 

I've just eaten one bar and will save the rest for some other time which is unusual as whenever there is chocolate or sweets indoors it is a magnet for my tummy and will not last a day.

I normally leave my beauty treatments for the weekend but I thought I would just do them today. I nair'd my arms, epilated my legs and had my brows done twice..

The first time my usual salon was busy so I popped into a nearby alternative with the worst customer service ever - that should have told me something but I was eager to sort my brows out.

I figured maybe the actual treatment would be satisfactory and hopefully this time she wouldn't spill wax over my hair and clothing..

So much for second chances. This experience was my worst to date. First they ignore my custom for a good five minutes and then she unshapes my brows.

They looked like two comical bananas but that was nothing compared to what she did to my neck. 

She didn't bother to recline the chair back so I was basically snapping my head back while she held it in place and inwardly screaming and cursing because it bloody hurt.

Finally I just walked out and said that's enough my neck was killing me, she was butchering my brows and I wanted to head to my usual place before she snapped my neck off. 

Z****t salon must just hire incompetent beauticians because she didn't know what the hell she was doing.

I headed to my usual place that had cleared up and the beauty therapist immediately just corrected and shaped my brows and did a fantastic job of restoring them. 

They cost a few pounds more but sometimes experience and good customer service beats thriftiness.